Scared to Love
by loverofthequill
Summary: Nymphadora Tonks meets Remus Lupin and begins to fall in love with him a literal heads over heels kind of deal. Will Remus put aside his fears and let someone care for him for a change, or will he be Scared to Love? dun dun DUN!
1. Meetings and Catastrophes

"I have gathered you all here to talk to you about the actions we shall take against Lord Voldemort." Dumbledore paused and looked over the faces of the small crowd gathered at Number 12 Grimmauld Place, "Some years ago a secret defense was formed known as the Order of Phoenix, this order fought against Lord Voldemort and his followers when they were at large nearly 15 years ago. The Order, along with its services, has not been needed for those past 15 years but dark times have come upon us again and I am afraid Voldemort has returned to power gaining strength and bidding his time." There was a break in the silence as everyone in the room squirmed uncomfortably at this name, "A few weeks ago Harry Potter witnessed his return after being transported by an illegal portkey from the Tri-Wizard Tournament. The ministry refuses to believe Voldemort has returned taking no heed to my many warnings and pleads. That is why I have gathered you all here today. We can't not do everything in our power to ensure the safety of those we love, too much has been lost already," Dumbledore paused and glanced around the room at every individual face taking in the worry lines next to the set jaws of determination.

The people placed before him all had such strong characters with hearts filled with love. Love is the main tool Dumbledore knew that would help them win the war it was the only thing they have that Voldemort's side does not possess. Love, friendship and selflessness set them apart. Everyone was willing to lay down their life for the person beside them (except for the two people sitting on either side of Mundungus perhaps) but where unwilling to sit by and watch others lay their lives down. The whole lot of them have experienced both pain and suffering but it never got the best of them they all remained cheerful and full of life which is exactly what the Order needs to grow and succeed.

"Many where lost in the former Order but I believe with the weapons we have among us accompanied by the wisdom to believe in Harry and the belief that Voldemort is at large, we can come out the victors. I assure you that even though there will be risks we will be much more prepared and organized. I have talked with you all individually and everyone has agreed that some form of action is needed." Dumbledore watched amused as everyone muttered to one another their agreements and ideas on how to defeat the darkest wizard of the age. "This will be our head quarters where we will have weekly meetings to devise plans and missions and to go over strategies and to combine forces to come up with ways to prevent Voldemort from retrieving what he desires. We have many spies watching and listening for us both inside the ministry and out. In public we must conduct ourselves appropriately. Our secrecy is our most valuable weapon at this point in time we do not want either the ministry or the Death Eaters to grow suspicious. For our first meeting I have just one mission and that is to insure the safety of Harry Potter. Mundungus, Moody, Tonks, Lupin, and Shaklebolt will be his main guardians, you will alternate every night and soon I will send more of you to fetch Harry from his aunt and uncle's house. I want you to follow him and report to me on every movement that occurs on Private Drive. Harry is the precious key to defeating Voldemort but that does not mean he has to be the sacrificial lamb. We will make sure no harm comes upon him. I also have Ms. Figg, who is a Squib that resides a few houses' down from the Dursley's, watching over him. That is all for tonight's meeting. If you would like to stay for dinner Molly has cooked up a wonderful meal for us all in the kitchen."

With that everyone got up at the same time and rushed to exit the room. Everyone, it seemed, had an empty stomach, or perhaps it was the factor of Molly being behind the cooking, and did not take long for the kitchen to fill up with chatter of the new Order and the clang of silverware scrapping food off of plates. About a dozen people stayed for dinner including the whole Weasley family who happened to be staying at headquarters. Their job was to clean up the layers of filth that acted as a blanket to the entire house.

"Sirius!?!" A young woman with bubblegum pink hair cried out and ran over to where Sirius Black had just walk through the kitchen door talking animatedly with his best friend from school, Remus Lupin.

"Wotcher, Nymphadora!" Sirius exclaimed as he pulled the women in a big bear hug and lifted her into the air spinning her around with excitement.

She immediately gained an extra 200 pounds, which is not too hard for most women, to make Sirius drop her. Sirius cried out in pain as his back cracked and he dropped her like a hot potato and just as soon as the pounds appeared they disappeared as Tonks pulled away from him in her normal form with a very cross look on her face, "You of all people should know I hate being called that… that… that preposterous name!" She crossed her arms, "I hope you fractured a vertebra. I will have you back in Azkaban in a blink of an eye if you call me that again!"

Sirius shuddered as he felt a cold sensation run down his spine at the thought of spending another second in that hell hole, "I was innocent, you know that right?" He questioned quietly.

Tonks' stern look melted into a warm smile and a twinge of guilt crossed her face for being the one to bring back those cold feelings to his mind she just hates her name, "Of course I knew you were innocent!" It was never easy staying mad at her beloved cousin, "I knew how much James meant to you. All those endless letters you sent from Hogwarts about him. You could never have betrayed him and Lily, or anyone for that matter. You're a good man, Sirius Black, and the best damn cousin a girl could ever hope for." Tonks ended with a bright smile and went back into Sirius' arms.

After they embraced Sirius felt very much relieved but despite the tender moment Sirius, being a Marauder, could not help but make a crack at Tonks, "Thanks Nymphie, and my have you have grown quite LARGE since the last time I saw you. I felt like I was lifting Buckbeck for Merlin's sake."

Tonks got red in the face and the hair at both the remark and the nickname and when she went to take a swing at Sirius she missed Sirius' face completely, being the clumsy person she was, and watched in slow motion as her fist accidentally rammed into someone else's jaw. Her fist was an unstoppable force broken by this poor innocent by stander's face. It was then that she realized for the first time the man standing next to Sirius.

Tonks again turned red but from embarrassment rather than anger as the man stroked his tender chin with a grimace on his face. This man looked exhausted and beat up, in general not in the sense of being on the receiving end of Tonks' upper cut (however that event did not help), but she could tell he was very handsome and when Nymphadora looked into his eyes she felt herself freeze. Time seemed to have stopped along with her heart as she appraised him and all of his glory. His eyes reminded her of a moon green pool that had yet to be discovered, in the middle of a tranquil forest. She immediately longed to swim in the pool and get lost in the forest. This forest would protect her and keep her safe. Her eyes travel down and back up to his eyes again when she declared that he was gorgeous! At that thought Tonks grew even redder and awoke from her trance to smile shyly at him as Sirius cleared his throat.

"Er...um... Nymphadora this is Remus Lupin. Moony, I'd like you to meet my dear second cousin, Nymphadora Tonks."

Sirius snickered as Remus smiled and shook her hand rather reluctantly incase she decided to swing again at the sound of her name but he did not want to be rude (always the gentleman), "Pleased to meet you Ms. Nymphadora Tonks."

"Call me Tonks please. I hate my first name." (As if he had not noticed) Tonks blushed slightly, "Pleased to meet you as well. I am so very sorry about your chin I am THE clumsiest person you'll ever meet. Would it help if I got you some ice?"

Remus shook his head and held his hands up, "No blood no foul. I am fine. Trust me I have had way worse. In fact I cannot feel my jaw at all; it went numb a moment ago which is an improvement to the pain." He flexed his jaw at that moment and put on a fixed smiled, "Nice upper cut by the way!"

Tonks sighed with relief and smiled again, "Thank you and I am so very sorry I guess my fist just got overly excited to meet you after all the stories Sirius has told me about you when we were growing up."

"Sirius told you stories, did he?" Remus raised his eyebrow at Sirius in suspicion.

"A little here and there," Sirius explained rather quickly, "So how's being an Aurora working out for you? I saw your name in the Daily Prophet, a few months ago, congrats on graduating from the academy and receiving a full time job. That is a fine accomplishment at your age." He remarked changing the subject.

"Oh yeah, thanks. I've been busy doing things here and there but mostly they have me doing paper work. They reckon I'm too clumsy to go on any big mission however they do use me to morph once in a while. That does come handy in the undercover missions." She elaborated.

"Morph?!" Lupin stared at her in amazement, "You're a metamorphmagus?!"

Tonks giggled and replied, "Yep. My specialties are noses and hair. I could put on a show for you if you'd like."

"Tonks!" Interrupted a man named Kingsley as he motioned her over to him.

"Hold that thought. I better go, Kingsley's higher up the food chain then me so I have to obey orders. It was nice meeting you, Remus!" Tonks flashed him her brightest smile and headed over to where Kingsley was standing leaving Remus staring after her and Sirius shaking his head with amusement. Sirius looked over at him and saw the goofy grin on Remus' face and snickered.

Through out dinner Tonks couldn't stop thinking about Remus. How did she not notice this man before? When she heard him laugh at the end of the table she felt butterflies rise up in her stomach. She found herself looking over at him and looking in his eyes. There was something that made her feel drawn to him when she looked in them. His grey eyes swam with compassion, kindness, mystery, and a rare kind of gentleness. She felt compelled to learn more about him: his past, his present, and his hopes for the future. Would there be any way she could be a part of this future? Tonks' thoughts drifted to a white house in the country where two kids where playing on toy broomsticks in the front yard as Tonks watched over them. Remus was positioned behind her with his arms around her waist. He was smiling and leaning into kiss her neck.

Just then someone came up from behind her and tapped her shoulder which scared her so much she jumped out of her chair and knocked the table completely over. Several people shouted out as they were pushed away from the table and the crash of plates, cups and silverware seemed to never stop. Tonks closed her eyes for a moment trying to prepare herself for the disaster she had caused this time but when she opened them they were met with those grey eyes that she was thinking about only moments ago.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked trying not to laugh as Sirius rolled on the floor laughing behind him.

Tonks looked around at the kitchen and saw food all over the floor and walls. Everyone was mumbling as they waved their wands at their clothes to clean the spaghetti sauce off themselves. Tonks then looked down at her own robes and saw her favorite blue robe covered in everything on the table from the red wine to her bread crumbs.

"Here let me help you." Remus said as he pointed his wand at her and said, "Scourgify." and with that she was food and liquid free.

"Thanks," Tonks muttered to him as he walked away then began apologizing to everyone. "I'm so sorry but someone startled me and... I'm so sorry." She finished embarrassed as she waved her wand to return the room back to normal.

'Great two catastrophes right in front of the guy of my dreams, who I might add I just met. And who is prefect and who probably thinks I am incompetent and idiotic.' Tonks thought as she mumbled to herself.

Sirius was still laughing at her when she suddenly rounded on him, "It was you!" She exclaimed accusingly, "You scared me half to death."… 'And you made me look like a fool in front of the Order which includes Remus AND you took away any chance of me having a future with Remus!' She added in her head gloomily.

Sirius wiped his watering eyes and said, "I'm a Marauder and when I see an opportunity I take it. You were definitely oblivious to everything that was going on," Sirius smirked and dropped his voice so only Tonks could hear him, "I saw you looking at Remus."

Tonks face went a deep shade of scarlet at this, "No, I wasn't." She muttered.

Sirius gave her a look that told her he knew she was lying, "I'm sure you weren't. And besides I wasn't asking." He started walking away when his mischievous mind began working again, "By the way, he's not with anyone... at the moment." He winked and went to the other end of the table by Remus.

'The nerve of him,' Tonks fumed to herself, 'But, hey, Remus doesn't have a girlfriend. I wonder why?' She smiled wickedly, 'This could be interesting...'


	2. Why didn't you tell me?

A week had gone by since the first Phoenix meeting. Remus was staying at headquarters with Sirius and the Weasleys because he had not been successful in finding a job and therefore had no money to pay for rent. Remus hated having to depend on Sirius' wealth for food and board; he was a very prideful and independent person and he hated being a burden on anyone but himself, he felt he deserved it. He felt ashamed he could not fend for himself because of his condition, laws were unjustified and people were very prejudice and scared of him. Remus could not blame them though. He was a monster; he just wished he could prove himself to others so the monster would not be always knocking at his door and hindering him. Remus' way of thinking was that if it was a big deal to those around him it was an even bigger deal to him. Remus is too kind to force himself on others so if they are uncomfortable he just goes on his merry way alone.

Remus is a brilliant man with a huge heart filled with compassion and love but he keeps it locked away to ensure he is unharmed. It sounds selfish but no one can even imagine the pain Remus has had to suffer through in his life time. Remus is always distancing himself from everyone outside the order and the only one he can allow his guard down with is Sirius. They were the only remaining best mates and they both needed one another.

Sirius was so happy Remus couldn't find a job and was staying with him. He was sure he would go mad if Remus was not there. Remus and Sirius found ways to entertain themselves in the new dark and dingy headquarters and when Maraudering could no longer keep the unpleasant thoughts from the two men's thoughts Tonks would show up all bubbly and joyful which perked the men right up.

Tonks stopped by headquarters more than frequently. She stopped by either to help clean up, or to grab a bite after work because she was too tired to make her own food or to catch up with Sirius since she hadn't seen him in 14 years or to help Molly in a time of need or to send an owl because her owl had the runs (the list goes on and on)… at least, those were the excuses she used for coming over so often. She always felt the need to come up with a reason as to why she continually came knocking on Number 12's door and waking up Mrs. Black. However she was completely oblivious to the fact that everyone presently staying in the Black house wished she was there 24/7 and enjoyed having her there every minute that she was.

Sure Tonks claimed to be visiting Sirius but during these visits Tonks' attention didn't seem anywhere near Sirius. It was almost as if she was not interested in Sirius at all, but rather wanted to talk with Remus. Tonks maybe unaware of the affect she had on the brightening up of both the house and its prisoners but what she was aware of was the friendship growing between her and Remus and the butterflies that flew around every time they were together. Remus and Tonks got to know each other a lot and were often found engaged in serious conversation over tea in the library. It was like they became instant friends even though they knew so little about each other. Sirius didn't seem hurt by this at all; on the contrary he was rather excited that Tonks showed this kind of interest in his best friend. Sirius himself could not indulge in a love affair but his best mate sure could and boy did he deserve to. Sirius was often found chatting with them but he preferred to watch the festivities begin and began plotting his defenses if Moony where to screw things up, which he often did when it came to woman.

"So what do you think of our dear pink haired Nymph?" Sirius asked Remus as they sat in the kitchen drinking Butterbeer.

"She is very nice." Remus replied shortly.

"Nice?! That's all you have for me is… nice?" Sirius threw up his hands in frustration, "Bloody hell, the man a bloody lunatic!"

Remus looked over his mug with an eyebrow raised, "Exactly how am I a lunatic? What are you playing at, Sirius?"

Sirius, who had recovered from his outburst, pretended to be hurt, "I can't believe you think of me that way. I don't play games. I was merrily asking what you thought of my dear cousin Nymphadora."

Remus rolled his eyes at his best friend, "I'm sure, Padfoot. Like you don't play games with people." He laughed and his thoughts traveled to when he, James, Sirius, and Peter were known as the biggest pranksters at Hogwarts. They played pranks on people all the time and Sirius was normally the master mind behind them all. 'The big git is too fast on his feet.' Remus chuckled to himself.

Sirius laughed as he too was reminded of the past, "Yeah, you're right but still did you see how she was looking at you at dinner the other day? Or how she smiles every time you walk in the room?"

Remus thought back to the first Order meeting and how Tonks had smiled at him when they first met; no girl had looked at him like that in a while. Her smile had relieved all the pain in his jaw, which she had caused so it seemed like a fair trade, and her youthful energy had reminded him of his younger self he tended to keep at bay. "She most definitely is pretty, intelligent, friendly, and yes, nice, but how can you suggest that she likes someone like me."

"What do you mean 'someone like me'?"

"For Merlin's sake, I am a werewolf, if you have forgotten." Remus cried out in irritation, knowing perfectly well Sirius knew what he was talking about.

Sirius shook his head, "No I haven't forgotten. And so what, just because you're a werewolf once a month doesn't mean you can't date and have a good time. Don't be so quick to judge people. I'm sure she is perfectly opened minded. I mean look at her! Her hair could be any color in the world and she chooses to wear it bright pink!"

"Yes, but still no one would want to date a werewolf no matter if full moon is 3 weeks or one day away," Remus sighed and returned the conversation back to Tonks, "Tonks is a young, talented witch who doesn't need to be tied with a middle aged werewolf whether she is open minded or not."

"If you're trying to suggesting that you're old, that would mean I'm old, and I for one am not old, but it is your call mate. But don't you think you deserve to loosen up and let someone care about you for once? Try letting yourself go with the flow besides pushing against the current by pushing people away. Quit refusing to grasp the concept that not all people care whether you are a werewolf or not. Not everyone is like Lizzy." With that Sirius got up and left the room.

Remus put his face in his hands, "It's not that easy, you don't understand... no one does." Remus said more to himself then Sirius.

"No one understands what?" A voice asked.

Remus looked up startled and immediately his eyes fell on the owner of the voice. There standing by the door was none other than Tonks.

"Er… nothing," Remus muttered and covered up lamely with a smile, "Hello Nymphadora, how did you get in here? I didn't hear Mrs. Black ranting about your arrival."

Tonks grimaced at the use of 4 syllable name but didn't correct him, "Wotcher, Remus! Sirius was passing though the hallway and saw me coming so he opened the door resulting in the continual slumber of dear Mrs. Black to our satisfaction."

"Oh, wow, very clever of you," Remus joked.

Tonks smile, "You'd be surprised at all the tricks up my sleeve, Mr. Lupin." She flirted, "So you better watch yourself?"

"Is that a threat Ms. Tonks?" Remus asked trying to keep a straight face.

Tonks smiled mysteriously and said barely above a whisper, "It just might be."

There were a few moments of silence as the two of them just gazed in each other's eyes. Both seemed to be lost in thought as the curiosity between the two grew tenfold. Tonks wondered what the stories behind each of Remus' scares were while Remus conjured up images of what Nymphadora's true form was.

When an unexpected image of the woman sitting next to him popped up Remus looked away and cleared his throat to break the silence, "So what brings you to headquarters?" 'Time for a subject change.' Remus declared to himself while he tried to rid his mind of her.

Tonks was slightly put out that Remus was not holding on to the bait, per say, but she did not let him know that, "Dumbledore called a meeting for the people who are to be on guard for Harry Potter. You're one of his guardians, right?"

"Yeah, but I didn't know of any..."

Remus was cut off by Molly Weasley who had just entered the kitchen, "There you are Remus, oh, and good Tonks too, Dumbledore is waiting for you in the conference room."

Remus looked at her confused; "I didn't know of..."Again Remus was interrupted.

Sirius voice could be heard from the other room, "By the way, Moony, there is a meeting in 2 minutes that you need to be at. Dumbledore sent word this morning."

Molly clucked her tongue in disapproval as Sirius walked in with a playful smile on his face. Before Molly could give Sirius her lecture about being irresponsible Tonks grabbed Remus' hand and lead him down the hall where the Black's house elves' heads hung and into the conference room. Mundungus, Moody, and Shaklebolt were already seated with Dumbledore standing in front of them.

"Ah, there they are," Dumbledore smile kindly at them, "I was beginning to think you hadn't received my message."

"Well actually, Sir, I didn't receive the message until a few moments ago." Remus said guilty he was a disappointment.

"That's quite alright." Dumbledore replied and motioned them to sit. Tonks and Remus hurriedly sat in the front row next to each other as Dumbledore continued, "Now down to business. As you all know I assigned you all as Harry Potter's guardians. I want him watched at all times but I do not want him to know about that you are there, especially you Remus, so be on your toes. I will provide you with an invisibility cloak for maximum precautions. Even though Harry is protected until he is 17 I fear Voldemort might plan to attack Harry to ensure his success. He will do everything in his power so we must ensure we fight back with all our will and strength. Tonks and Remus will be on night shifts and Kinglsey and Moody will do day shifts. Mundungus will fill in when someone needs a day or night off, like when Remus has his transformations on full moon."

The room went silent for a few moments. Tonks looked curiously at Remus who was shifting uncomfortably in his chair looking at the ground trying to avoid everyone's gaze. Dumbledore continued on with his speech, as if his previous sentence was old news to everyone present, but Tonks could not hear him. She was still observing Remus. 'Is that what his secret is?' She pondered intently, 'Can he really be a werewolf?' She smiled to herself, 'He such a nice guy he does not deserve to be thought of as a werewolf, besides full moon is only once a month. A werewolf… well that clarifies things quite a bit....'

Remus shifted again and saw that Tonks was still ogling at him, 'Great going Dumbledore.' Remus breathed deeply, 'So now everyone knows I'm a werewolf. Shaklebolt knows. Mundungus already knew. Kingsley, a well respected wizard who works for the Ministry, knows.' Remus' heart skipped a beat, 'Tonks, the most perfect woman who he could possibly be falling for, knows. That's just brilliant...'

"Tomorrow I would like for you, Kinglsey, to start watching Harry. I want you to check in with me before and after you are relieved from your duty. When one guardian comes another guardian leaves." Dumbledore looked them all over with his piercing stare letting them all know just how important their task ahead was, "I thank you all for taking on this task among others. That is all for today."

Remus practically jumped out of his chair once Dumbledore was finished. He nodded quickly to everyone avoiding direct eye contact and was about to run to the door when Tonks' Auror reflexes kicked in and she was just too fast for him. She predicted his course of action and caught him before he could even make a move.

"Why didn't you tell anyone about being a werewolf?" Tonks inquired in a serious yet soft tone.

Remus grey eyes were begging her to drop the subject as he looked everywhere but at Tonks' intent gaze. Seeing that she wouldn't let him get away without a word he took a deep breath and answered, "I told a few people." Knowing it was not the answer she was looking for Remus sat back down defeated with shoulders hunched.

"But not everyone," Tonks whispered, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Remus stared her right in the eye for the first time since their awkward silence earlier in the kitchen, "Because when I tell people of my... condition, they look at me differently and talk to me as if I am not a real person and as if I do not know anything. The only friends I had who didn't care where Sirius, James, and Peter. I was scared of what you would do I if I told you. I did not want our friendship to stop growing when we were hitting it off so well. If I had told you what would you have thought of me?" He asked, then in a lower voice question, "Now, what do you think of me?" 'Okay, Remus, you can handle yet another heartbreak. Just brace yourself, put on a smile and gracefully bow out of the room when she gives you her answer. You don't even like her that much… or do you?'

Tonks gave him a soft kind smile, "I don't think of you any differently, Remus. I know you're a very intelligent wizard, you're kind and caring and a good person. You are trusted and loved by many including Dumbledore. It doesn't change a thought I have of you, have a little faith and trust in me; I don't care if you are a werewolf once a month. Most men I've ever known turn out to be werewolves 24/7. It does not matter to me…" She smiled teasingly, "That is as long as you take your potion."

Remus' laugh was a little forced but his eyes did light up more, "Thank you, Nymphadora. That was one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. To make it up for not trusting you, would you like to join me in the kitchen for some tea?"

"I would love to, but on one condition."

"And what's that?" Remus asked cautiously.

"Don't call me Nymphadora... ever again." Tonks said with her arms crossed over her chest sending darts at Remus through her eyes.

"I guess I have to agree." Remus said with a scared look on his face but they both knew he would continue using it. For one Remus was a perfect man in Tonks' eye and could do no wrong… and because she secretly liked how he said it and for another Remus loved watching the fire in her eyes when he said it.


	3. When I was very young

Remus and Tonks were now sitting in the kitchen with half empty tea cup. Remus knew the mindless chatter they were engaged in moments ago was wearing thin. Remus did not want Tonks to leave so he got more to the point, "Well now you know about my 'furry little problem,' as James and Sirius called it, I want to hear about your life, which I am sure is by far more interesting than mine."

Tonks was very interesting indeed and Remus wanted to drink in every detail and every word she spoke but Tonks was having none of that. She shook her head at him and stated, "Today is your coming out of the werewolf closet day and I am not letting you back in just yet. I want to know more…" She took a moment to think of where to start. Should she ask how he got the scares? Has he ever bitten anyone else? How bad does it hurt to transform? Was silver really poisonous to him? How did it make him feel? Tonks settled with the beginning of the story and hopefully the nitty-gritty questions would be answered later, "So for how long have you had this 'furry little problem'?"

Remus gazed back at Tonks taking in her expression she was very curious and excited to hear about his condition. Remus looked away, 'Well she will just have to be disappointed because I am a human being and do not deserve to be gawked at.' He glanced back and Remus saw a glimmer of wonderment in her eyes… 'That is a new way of taking it.' Remus thought. No one ever looked at his condition as a sense of wonder it was always thought of a disgusting horrid event. This eased Remus' tension and his momentary irritation with her.

After clearing his mind, and taking several heavy gulps of air to calm him, Remus began somberly with the tale of how he had received the bite that changed his life forever. He had had so many different dreams of where his life would end up but that night all those dreams were taking out from under him

"I was seven years old," This was not the type of conversation Remus had had in mind when he invited Tonks to the kitchen for tea but for some reason, unbeknown to him, Remus felt compelled to tell her everything, he felt she deserved the whole story, "I snuck out from my house during a full moon and went to explore in the woods that were beside my house. I was always a curious boy and I loved the outdoors. From the moment I was born to this moment in time I have always had trouble sleeping, my mind always wanders, and that night it had wandered to the pond that laid a half a mile into the woods. I spent many hours out there swimming with my parents it was always a place I was happy."

'Well isn't that slightly ironic considering I think of Remus' eyes as a pool I could float in forever and be perfectly happy for the rest of my life….' Tonks thought to herself and again the picture of the white house popped up again but this time there was a pond in the front where their children were splashing around and spraying one another.

"My parents were asleep so I slipped out my window for a midnight swim. I wasn't even 20 feet into the trees when I heard a low growl from behind me. By the time I had whorled around the grey werewolf was already crouched down with his claws scrapping the dirt off the forest floor before I could so much as run or scream the wolf pounced. I couldn't do anything except scream for my life," Remus who was refusing to look up from the floor sighed heavily, "He bit my neck and when I fell back my head collided with a tree trunk knocking me unconscious. I don't really remember much after that. Supposedly I woke up delirious and began screaming and that is when my parents heard me and rushed to my side but they were too late. The werewolf had already bitten me and the infection already spread. I was unconscious for a week and suffering from not only fatal werewolf bites and scratches but also from loss of blood and trauma. I woke up I was at St. Mungo's with bandages covering the entirety of my body and found my parents by my bedside sick with worry and tear stained cheeks. The look in their eyes was unbearable and still haunts me at night. They told me what happened and what I had become but I was too young to understand fully until my first full moon, came."

"That is horrible!" Tonks whispered with her eyes brimming with tears, "I'm so sorry."

Remus smiled weakly, "There's nothing any one could have done. It was my own stupidity. Luckily my parents didn't disown me and thank Merlin for Dumbledore. If he hadn't made the necessary arrangements and accepted me into Hogwarts I would have never met James or Sirius and as hard as it is to believe I would be in even worse shape, as far as life goes, then I am now. Sometimes I lay in bed wondering what had made the werewolf stop his attack. Why did he not just finish the job and kill me there? I should be dead but I'm not and even though there are times when it seems that it would be better if I was dead I know there is a reason why I am still here. So I make sure to full fill every good duty I can and make the world a better place and how knows perhaps before I do pass away I can help ensure prejudice against civil werewolves is extinct. It is the least I can do. Whatever task Dumbledore sets out for me I will do with great honor and will continue to make the Wizarding World a better place. I still have faith in the good of our kind. I gave up on it once after experiencing the endless rejection during my first year Hogwarts and that is when Merlin sent me Sirius and James. They were truly good at heart and when I told them of what I was they stuck with me through it all and even helped my transformations be a little more bearable."

Tonks laid her hand on Remus' and said, "I'm not going anywhere, I'll stick with you too, every step of the way. You deserve so much more then what you have been given. You are a good man, Remus Lupin, and I am honored to work alongside you."

They exchanged smiles as they reflected on the words that were just said. Remus has never been able to open up so easily to anyone like that. He felt stupid for moving the flood gates so fast and allowing all those things to pour out of his mouth all at once but it had made Remus feel a heck of a lot better now and Tonks was a grown woman who could handle it, he vowed never to misjudge her again.

And Tonks just couldn't believe the power of the words Remus has spoken. This poor man was hurt and believed he should be… be… dead! The very thought of a cold vacant Remus made the edges of Tonks' heart fracture a bit. She vowed to herself that she would help him find his purpose and make sure he never thought that ever again. The world without Remus would be like Sirius without a joke, it just would have no point.

The silence was growing heavier by the second so Remus opened his mouth to express his gratitude towards Tonks, even though words could not even begin to describe it, when a very boisterous Sirius busted open the kitchen door. He was red in the face and shooting angry words and strings of profanities behind him. When Sirius' eye caught Tonks and Remus he stopped dead in his stampede. His eyes then traveled from their faces to Tonks' hand which was still laying on Remus' and a huge smile erupted on his face.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? Why, hello Nymphadora," He exclaimed in a playful voice as he watched Tonks quickly removed her hand. He raised an eyebrow at the two of them, "Fancy seeing you here and my good friend Moony too! You lot seem to be quite the couple." He gave them both an evil grin. "Speaking of couple… What were you two up too before I stormed in?"

Remus glared draggers at Sirius, 'I'm gonna KILL him!' He thought angrily with fire in his eyes, 'He's making a complete fool out of me and he's enjoying it, the stupid git! No regard for anyone else's feelings but his own. I'll sure as bloody hell I'll tell him what we were up too.' He thought with balled fists. Remus always got flustered and embarrassed by outward relationships. He was old fashion and rather shy and yet Sirius always insisted on making a scene of it.

Slightly uncomfortable, Remus shifted away from Tonks and when he looked back he was surprised to find her cheeks slightly red and she seemed to be avoiding Sirius' gaze. This softened Remus a little and instead of telling Sirius off, which he fully planned on still proceeding with later once Tonks had left the premises, he decided a simple truthful answer would suffice, "We were just having a cup of tea and some nice conversation about our childhoods. What about you, Sirius, who was it that you were just shouting at?"

The smirk on Sirius' face immediately fell as his anger quickly crept back, "Dumbledore. I asked him if I could be one of Harry's guardians because, after all, I am his godfather but he wants me to stay locked up here and hidden. He knows I HATE this place, I mean I did run away from here. Generally, when one runs away from a place you would think it was made clear that they did not plan on coming back nor do they want to, especially not for a long term residents. I can't stand to stay here forever with these horrid memories! If only I could run outside in the fresh air once for not even a full hour but nooo he thinks it is too dangerous for me to leave my personal hell. As if I haven't already served every wrong doing, whether mild or major, in my past, present and future during all those wasted years in Azkaban. If I don't get some fresh air soon I'll die! I need to run! I need to make sure Harry is alright."

"It'll be alright," Tonks said, "Harry will be here in no time and you'll be just as entertained with him as you would be if you were catching Frisbees in the park. And don't worry Harry is being watched by the best. Remus and I will not let a hair fall off his hair without our approval. He will be safe and at quarters soon, Sirius."

"Yeah that's what it'll seem like to you while you work and have other activities outside of this house to attend but I have nothing to keep me occupied until Harry gets here." Sirius thought for a moment and make a rather loud proclamation, "Hey, Moony, full moon is just around the corner, what would you say to a nice prowl around the surrounding woods in the moonlight for old time sakes?"

Sirius stared back excitedly at them like a puppy waiting for a treat and a pat on the head when suddenly his smile froze as his brain processed what he had just said in front of Tonks, "Oh, erm, I mean not that it has to be on full moon or anything... the waning moon is always a nice slight too."

Remus chuckled, "Don't worry Padfoot, you did not spoil anything, Dumbledore already did the honors of letting my 'furry problem' slip to everyone."

"You know then?" Sirius ogled at Tonks as she nodded slowly waiting for him to get to the point, "You know Remus is a werewolf and yet here you sit drinking tea with him and holding his hand!?" He inquired in a fake disgusted voice.

"Do you really think I'm that shallow, Sirius?" She retorted at Sirius' mocking smile that played on his lips. He winked at Tonks and gave a short nod to Remus as if proving a point. There was absolutely no reasoning with his man.

"I was just testing you, Nymphie." Sirius winked again at Tonks, "Well my job here is done. Looks like I'm not needed. Hark, what is that I hear? I do believe that was Buckbeck calling for some food, see you two around." With that he turned on his heels and left through the same door he came fuming through but this time with a triumphant look on his face leaving the other two staring after him.

******

Later that night, Sirius snuck up on Remus and proclaimed in a childish voice, "You like Tonks!"

Remus jumped at the sound of his best friend's confrontation. Remus had been trying to avoid this expected outburst of Sirius' all day by busying himself around the house but Sirius had finally caught and cornered him.

Remus, who was trying to be nonchalant, turned around to face his friend and sighed while shaking his head and said, "Sirius don't be stupid."

Sirius threw his head back and laughed out loud, "You're the one who's being a stupid git! How can you even try to deny the chemistry that is between you two? It is almost tangible. There is no point in denying that you do have feelings for Tonks when you know very well that I know you all too well. I'm a Marauder, remember, and your best friend, I will get you to say the truth. I mean geez, it is written all over your face, Moony, spelled out in big neon letters. I saw the way you reacted when I first walked in on you two earlier. You got all red in the face and looked like you wanted to murder me because I ruined your little moment and clued her in on what you fail to: THAT YOU LIKE HER!" Sirius laughed again, "You know you're not very good at hiding things, Moony. Never were. After all, it didn't take us that long to realize you were a werewolf. Tonks is fully aware that you're a werewolf and yet she doesn't care. She still looks at you with those puppy dog eyes. You have nothing to hide behind now that your only defense was taken away."

"So what if you're right. Let us just say, for fun, that I do like Nymphadora, very much, what now? It still doesn't change anything. She could never really love a werewolf, they are..." Remus sighed and swallowed, "We're not meant to have relationships. We don't deserve love. Sirius, you have to trust me on this. Tonks is so much better off without me in her life. It is bad enough I am her friend."

"But Remus..."

"Please, I don't want to hear about it anymore. I don't want to get hurt again. It is too hard. I cannot take it." Remus dropped his head and there was a sad silence.

Sirius knew Remus was serious and decided to drop the subject... for now, "So what about that full moon, coming up?"

*******

On the day of the full moon, Remus woke up late feeling sick to his stomach. As he shifted his whole body felt weak and every bone in his body ached and protested against this moment. Remus felt his temples throbbing and inwardly groaned at the thought of both having to take his wolfsbane and his upcoming transformation.

The wolf was right there in the corner of his mind already and Remus knew it. Even though the full moon would not rise until for another 6 hours he could feel his senses heightening and his aching body shift to full alert mode once he opened his eyes. Slowly he got out of bed and went to the bathroom to wash his face. He stared into the mirror and saw a very pale old man staring back. He looked fragile and worn thin down to the core and his normally grey eyes appeared to be hazed and darker (almost black), 'I have a feeling that tonight is definitely not going be one of my better transformations.' He forced a smile which turned out to be a wince of pain.

"Are you ok?" Remus looked up and found Sirius leaning on the door frame with a concerned look on his face, "I mean no offence but you look horrible!"

'No matter how many times I have seen him go through his transformations month after month I can never get over how horrible he looks the day of the full moon. Poor guy looks like he is going to kick the bucket at any given minute.' Sirius thought.

Remus attempted another smile but failed miserably, "Tonight's not feeling too good."

"Is there anything you want me to get you?"

"No, I'll be ok."

'Yeah right!' They both thought to themselves.

"Are you sure you feel alright?" Sirius asked doubtfully.

"Thanks for your concern Padfoot, but I will be turning into a werewolf in less than 8 hours, so how do you think I feel right now? You know there is nothing that you can do right now to make me feel better, I do appreciate it very much though."

Sirius laughed at his friend, "I guess you're right. Oh and by the way Dumbledore wants to see you down stairs when you get a chance."

"Ok," Remus replied as he splashed his face once more before going down to talk with Dumbledore.

Remus walked down the stairs slowly and found Dumbledore in the drawing room, with his back to him, staring intensively at the Black family tree tapestry. Remus cleared his throat which turned into a coughing fit and the old wizard turned to face him with a smile, "Good afternoon, Remus. I must ask: how you are feeling."

"Hello Professor. I'm feeling the best I can, I guess." He hated when people asked that question. Remus started feeling dizzy so he sat down to prevent himself from falling over. "Sirius said you wanted to discuss something with me?"

"Yes, down to business I see, well, first off, I was curious as to where you were planning on staying during your transformation?"

Remus shifted uncomfortably around in his chair thinking about his and Sirius' plans for the night. Remus had always felt guilty about gambling with Dumbledore's trust, "Well, I haven't gotten that far yet. I still don't have a house yet, so I don't know where I should go. I am too weak to apparate to the Shrieking Shack. Maybe Sirius could lock me up in the attic here."

"I suppose that could work. I will have the Weasley's leave for a day or two until you are feeling better." Dumbledore remarked, "I also came to give you your potion. Snape has agreed to make it for you from now on, seem to take a bit of convincing." Dumbledore added with a twinkle in his eyes.

Dumbledore held out a goblet of bubbling, clumpy, grey, thick liquid. Remus shuddered involuntary and turned a pale green before he took the potion from him and nodded. He was not looking forward to taking it. Not at all.

"Thank you very much, sir." Remus said in a hoarse voice as his throat became dry as if in protest, it knew of the horrible taste to come.

"Well, I must be off. I'll have a word with Molly and then be on my way." Dumbledore turned to leave and concluded with, "Do take care, Remus, you don't look so well."

Remus just nodded in acknowledgement now too weak to speak. The vapors from the potion engulfed Remus and he felt his stomach begin to clench in unwanted anticipation. Dumbledore left him to take the potion. Remus hated taking his Wolfsbane; it smelt like a rotten cabbage stuffed inside a pair of old gym socks. And it tasted worse then it smelt. No matter how many times Remus has taken it he could never get use to the vial taste.

'Bottom ups,' Remus thought as he plugged his nose and tipped the goblet up to allow the contents to pour faster down his throat. As he swallowed the potion he could feel it working almost immediately, it felt as if it was washing his veins all throughout his body. As soon as the potion had completely finished its course Remus started to feel sick and light headed again, 'So much for relief.' The wolf said. 'No one said this was going to be pleasant, I do this to maintain cool and collected thoughts while my body is being hijacked by a monster.' Remus retorted just before a violent sweep of nausea went through him. 'I haven't been this bad in a while.' Remus thought back through his transformations and remembered going to St. Mungo because they had been really bad. The nurse at St. Mungo had told him and his parents that emotional stress and heart break can cause transformations to be more painful. Those particular transformations happened after his long time girlfriend, Lizzy, broke up with him after he told her of his 'furry little problem.' Remus had taken his time in telling her because he enjoyed being with her so much. When they were together all thoughts of the pain of his condition vanished and he did not want to bring her into his pain because then the questions would start and the pity. He wanted their relationship to never change, it was prefect the way it was, all they wanted from one another was love, so they lived in bliss for just over a year. But when the two love birds started talking about their future together Remus knew he would have to tell her the truth behind his "business trips every month". After Remus laid everything out on the table and let her see all of him she threw it all in his face. She told him she couldn't handle being with a monster, let alone loving one, and with that she stormed off without a single glance back. Remus had loved her very much and it had hurt him more than any transformation he had ever been through. He thought that their love was strong enough that she wouldn't care about his condition but obviously he was wrong. His 'little furry problem' was not so little to her. Ever since then Remus refused to let any woman into his life, and never dated again.

Remus normally would have been sad after being reminded of his past but when he heard Mrs. Blacks screams from the hall his heart skipped a beat and he and he got up to see if Nymphadora had stopped by. Once he stood Remus felt like all the oxygen to his brain was cut off and his legs felt like they were under the Tarantallegra spell (the spell Neville was put under in the department of mysteries, that made his legs uncontrollable) and seemed unable to support him. As if in slow motion Remus began falling to the floor but he did not remember hitting the floor at all because he had passed out cold. Surrendering to darkness.  
******


	4. Out of Harm's Way

Tonks was let into Grimmauld Place by Sirius that day and was greeted by Mrs. Black's screams of insults and profanities and Sirius' roaring replies which were just as bad.

"Shut it, you old bat!" Sirius screamed back once more just before he shoved the curtains over her. Tonks' aunt may have been beautiful at one time but now she was so far gone in her hideous thoughts and dark magic that her beauty was lost forever, her eyes where black holes filled with nothing more than hate and her face squished up almost as if she was in some intense concentration as she tried to get her nose up in another atmosphere. It was a grotesque sight to see, to be honest.

Once Sirius had her quiet he motioned Tonks into the kitchen with one final insult under his breath, "Pompous arrogant bloody pain-in-the-ass."

"Sirius!" A high pitch scold reached Tonks and Sirius' ears in mid-step while entering the kitchen.

"That woman hears everything." Sirius muttered out of the side of his mouth to Tonks.

"What do you expect with all those boys?" Tonks replied in a whisper.

"I heard that you two. Now how many times do I have to remind you, Sirius? I told you time and time again to watch your language, there are children about." Sirius and Tonks met a flushed Molly Weasley and a very amused Professor Dumbledore in the kitchen.

"Sorry Molly, I can't help myself, besides your offspring are scarcely considered children."

Molly just huffed and returned her attention back to Dumbledore. She had had this argument with Sirius before and did not feel it was worth her while to start it up again. He was all gun-hoe about letting the kids be involved with the Order but Molly was less then eager to have them know about it, let alone be involved.

"So I can trust that you will be prepared to depart within the next hour? I will make all the arrangements and send Alastor over to the Burrow and make sure the spells and charms surrounding the house are up to par."

"Poor dear, of course we will leave right away so things can get settled here. I'll go get the kids packed up now," Mrs. Weasley said and then rushed out of the room with a quick nod to the two cousins. Dumbledore also bid them fair well before following in Molly's wake.

"Where are the Weasley's off to?" Tonks asked curiously.

"Tonight is the full moon and Remus' wolf tends to make a lot of noise during his transformations. He is a restless soul. Plus he doesn't want to hurt anyone, even though he will be barricaded in. In short, Remus is just a self-conscience and modest git, and I mean that in the most respectable way. So anyways, they are leaving here for a day or two, since Remus has nowhere else to stay during his transformation." Sirius filled her up to date.

"How is Remus, anyway?" Tonks questioned rather anxiously. She had been in such a good mood after the break-through in her and Remus' relationship that she had forgotten about the full moon. 'Idiot!'

"I'm not sure; he didn't look well at all when I checked up on him earlier." Sirius thought back with a worried look on his face, "Come to think of it I haven't seen him since then. I wonder where he is now." Tonks shrugged and they left the kitchen in search of Remus.

Because Remus was only in the drawing room, which was two doors down from the dining room, it had taken the two of them a grand total of 3 minutes to find Remus laying face down on the ground unconscious with a goblet beside him.

"Bloody hell, Moony!" Sirius exclaimed.

Tonks grasped and rushed to get on her hands and knees to crawl closer to Remus' pale body. Sirius followed closely behind her feeling nothing but sympathy for his dear friend. He wanted to help but he knew Tonks wanted, no needed, to help him more. Tonks grabbed his wrist and felt a steadily pulse, "He's alive!" Tonks cried out in relief, "Remus... Remus?" Tonks began to try and coax him awake.

Remus stirred slightly. He could hear familiar voices around him but he couldn't place them. "Remus... Remus?" He heard a female voice calling out to him, 'That's the most beautiful voice I've never heard.' Remus thought as his mind slowly began to come out of the cloud he seemed to be in.

"Tonks?" Remus whispered as the shadows around him became more defined.

"I'm right here, Remus," Tonks held his hand to re-assure him that she was there for him and the grip she had on his hand emphasized that she was not leaving any time soon.

Her touch seemed to have given Remus a new strength and he soon felt like he could move again, one body part at a time. First his toes and then his legs. He tried to open his eyes fighting away his unconsciousness wanting to see Tonks' face, to have proof. With a brush from Tonks' thumb across the back of his hand accompanied with the last bit of energy he could muster, Remus was able to snap open his eyes and gaze into Tonks' hazel ones, which were boiling over with tears of concern and worry.

"Remus!" She cried out in happiness as she hugged him, "Are you alright?"

"Honestly, I don't think I'm feeling too well." Remus said in a hoarse voice as he winced at the over enthusiastic woman who had him in an uncomfortably tight embrace.

"No duh, mate." Sirius joked. Good ole' Sirius was always trying to lighten the mood, "You gave us a right good scare, just then. What happened, Moony? What is wrong with you?"

"What time is it?" Remus asked completely ignoring the questions and worried eyes.

Tonks was confused by this question at such a time but she checked her watch none the less, "It's about 5:30."

Remus bolted up right, "I'll be transforming soon, and you guys should most definitely not be anywhere near me let alone hovering over me concerned for my well being. I must get up to the attic, now." He tried to stand up fighting against his head which was pounding in protest. He knew he shouldn't be near people so close to full moon. His temper was always worse near full moon. Also because he was too worried about other's more than himself. After the day he was bitten Remus had come up with a motto that stuck like glue to his heart: Always expect the unexpected. Thus, Remus didn't trust the wolfsbane to make him completely safe nor did he trust himself around people at this stage in the transformation let alone any other stage, so many things could go south, fast.

As Remus struggled to get on his own two feet Tonks was persistent on preventing this. She put all her muscles in effort to make him lay back down, "Remus, I must insist that you lie back down. We'll get you up stairs soon enough. You aren't well. Now please, BLOODY SIT DOWN!" Tonks yelled in one last attempt to get him to comply.

Looks like she was going to have to resort to drastic measures because Remus kept fighting, with the little strength he had left in him, despite the vivid expression on Tonks face, "I really did not want to have to do this but you leave me no choice, Remus Lupin." Tonks pulled out her wand and pointed it at the now wide eyed Remus, "Stupefy!"

An array of bright red sparks flew at Remus before he could recover from his shock that Tonks was pointing her wand at him and he instantaneously fell unconscious again without a fuss.

Sirius gaped at her in horror, "What did you just do?!" He gasped.

"It was the only way I could get him to stay still and lay back down. He won't be hurt, much." She retaliated with a twinge of guilt in her voice. 'I hope.'

"I don't know whether to be furious at you for stunning my best mate or high five you for a job well done."

Tonks disregarded his comment and let her mind get to work on what they should do next with Remus, "Now, all we need to do is levitate him and his bed up the upstairs, to the attic, and situate him back in bed. Then I'll be able to fix him up."

"You're going to take care of him?"

"Well, he is really sick, Sirius. Someone needs to watch over him, and I don't trust you with another human life, so looks like I'm the best candidate present." She stared down at Remus in a loving manner brushing aside his bangs that were sticking to his forehead. His dirty blonde hair was dappled with grey and momentarily contained beads of cold sweat from the struggle. He looked so pale and helpless lying there. He needed her and she was going to do everything in her power to help. He never let anyone help him but Tonks was going to change that.

"You really do fancy him don't you?" Sirius asked in a soft knowing tone.

Tonks grew a deep shade of red, 'Do I really like him?' Tonks asked herself as she looked at the limp form of Remus. She pictured him laughing when Sirius had scared her out of her chair. She pictured the first time her plain brown eyes had looked into those deep grey-green eyes that she longed to swim in. She pictured the pain in his face as he told the story of his bite. When Tonks was alone she always found herself day dreaming of new ways to get Remus to laugh or day dreaming of her future which included Remus or day dreaming of what his lips would feel like… against hers.

She was head over heels for this guy. Her every thought had Remus in it at least somewhere and if Tonks was not thinking about Remus she was thinking about why she wasn't thinking about him. Only at work did she ever remove him her mind and closed off all her fantasies, therefore she could focus on the now so that she could get done and go see Remus again. 'I'm pathetic.' She muttered to herself.

"He's the most kind and caring wizard out there. He deserves way more then he has been dished out. I love his smile, I love his eyes, I love his scars, I love…" 'Okay calm down Tonks. You don't have to give Sirius a run down on the whole anatomy of Remus Lupin.' She thought "… and... I think he is rather attractive," She blushed, "I really do like him." Tonks confirmed.

"I knew it." Sirius smiled triumphantly at his cousin, "A word of advice before our furry friend here wakes up. He's been through a tough heartbreak that has left some majors scars so he is still tender and likes to take things slow; actually he has not taken things at any pace period, neither slow nor fast, since then. If I were you I'd get to know him better by being friends and just being there for him like you are now. You've already passed the major test by treating him humanely despite his 'condition.' Wait for him to warm up a little bit longer and let him see you're in it for the long haul and then tell him how you feel."

Tonks looked overjoyed, "So you think I have a chance with him?"

"I think, by Merlin's grace, you just might."

Tonks threw herself in her cousin's arms and yelped for joy. She couldn't help herself, the little girl inside her had busted through overjoyed at the fact that the man of her dreams just may return her interest. Tonks always had trouble getting dates. Sure she was charming and had a great personality but the Auror bit and her brilliance accompanied by her many different faces tended to ward off the men. Also, when she did manage to get a date they would catch one episode of her clumsiness and bow out quickly.

"You won't tell him, will you, Sirius?" Tonks asked suspiciously after stepping away from him.

"Me? Tell? Of course not." He joked with his puppy dog smile and even though it would be as good as treason not to tell his best friend, she knew he wouldn't say anything. He was as loyal as loyal gets. Somehow Tonks felt that he was thrilled that his best mate and favorite cousin showed signs of a potential relationship.

Just then a moan escaped Remus' mouth bring the two back to their task at hand.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" And with those words Remus was raised up into the air but that was the easy part. The difficultly came when the time came to maneuver up the narrow stairway and hallways. Sirius and Tonks, miraculously enough, managed to get Remus and his bed up in the attic without banging his head against the wall or scratching the paint on the walls. This had taken just over 30 minutes and Sirius was getting hungry so he went down to the kitchen leaving Tonks to do the healing. She had made sure him was lying in bed with a wet cloth on his forehead before Tonks muttered the counter curse, "Ennervate."

This time around Remus gained consciousness fast and at once began expressing his rage at what had taken place earlier, "How could you do that to me?! You jinxed me while I was defenseless, that is not good form at all. We are friends, Nymphadora, and all I was trying to do was get you out of harm's way. But I see that has done utterly no good seeing as how you are currently in even more danger than before!" Tonks ignored him and sat on the bed beside him dabbing his forehead with the wet cloth, humming to herself.

Remus softened at bit at this. 'Stupid nymphs are too charming for their own good.' He thought as he took in his all the surroundings, noticing for the first time that he had been moved from the drawing room but not up to his room, "Where am I?"

"In the attic. Figured it would be more comfortable and that way you won't tear apart your own room. We moved your bed up here so you could rest and get recovered." Tonks clarified gently as she continued to cool his heated head.

"Thanks," Remus muttered as a slight blush crept onto his cheeks, glowing vividly through is pale skin.

"No problem after all that's what friends do. I just wanted to make sure you're okay. It was very daunting to find you face down on the floor unconscious." She smiled reassuringly, "Besides I wanted to make you as comfortable as possible, for tonight that is..." Tonks trailed off as she noticed the look change on his face.

"I appreciate everything you've done, Tonks, honestly, but please, you shouldn't be in here with me. Not now." Remus sadly stared outside the window and saw the sun creep down below the horizon, "Please leave me and don't come back in here."

Tonks' face became sad and showed the evident hurt that he had caused her, "I was just trying to help." She shot back stubbornly with a fire in her eyes.

Remus looked away, "Don't look at me like that, Tonks. You know I'm glad you did this for me but when I transform I won't be the same. I don't want to hurt you. I do not have as much reign over the wolf as I wish I did, he is kind of restless. I could not live with myself if I knew I had hurt you. There is nothing more you can do for me now, except help me by helping yourself out of harm's way."

Tonks glanced up at these last words. 'Does Remus, really care for me?' She stared into Remus' eyes, which reveled so many different emotions that Tonks couldn't even begin to revel in. The moment she tried to decrypt what he was making known to her, she was shut out again.

Like a flash of lightening his eyes became clouded by pain and agony. He hunched over and let out a cry of sheer anguish. Tonks froze where she was; the moonlight was visibly shinning in her eyes as Remus twisted around in torturous pain, panting for breath.

"TONKS!" Remus bellowed desperately with as much energy as he could muster, "GET OUT OF HERE!!"

Sirius busted all the way through the door after hearing Remus yells of pain seconds ago. Once he processed what was happening on the other side of the door he immediately jumped into action and rushed to take hold of Tonks to pull her out of the room and out of harm's way. Tonks did not protest as Sirius dragged her away from the man she dreamed about as he turned into the wolf.

She watched as Remus' face became elongated and slowly began to grow hair all over it. He was on all fours before Sirius could slam the door shut. The last thing Tonks saw was Remus' piercing eyes looking right into hers as they turned from grey to yellow. She could see a struggle going on behind them. He was fighting to stay himself for her.

Everything seemed to be a slow moving haze now. Tonks did not move a single muscle when Sirius placed her in the hallway. He turned his back on her and went to work on the multiple bolts that locked the attic door. Tonks paid no attention to Sirius as he muttered some spells for reinforcements, just in case, nor did she offer any help. She stood there staring at the door but not looking at it. She was still seeing the pain in Remus' eyes and the way he was fighting for her.

"What in the hell where you doing?!" Sirius roared at her snapping her from her reverence for the first time.

"I was just trying to help him." Tonks whispered with tears forming in her eyes.

"He could have really hurt you. Remus may be a good PERSON but when he is a werewolf he's not the same Remus Lupin we know and love. He can get vicious. There's no trusting the wolfsbane."

Tonks just nodded in reply. She could hear faint whimpering coming from upstairs and Remus' paws pounding the floor above them. His claws were scratching the wood in frustration and Tonks could relate.

'He's hurt,' Tonks helplessly thought. Despite what had just happened and what she had just seen Tonks desired to go back to Remus but knew she couldn't, which is what made it so frustrating.

"Don't worry; he'll be fine in the morning. You should get some sleep now, you look like hell, Tonks seriously." Sirius told. "You can stay here if you'd like."

Tonks smile appreciatively and headed up the stairs, without a word, to one of the guest bedrooms. Tonks waved her wand at her clothes and within a blink of an eye she was in her night gown. Tonks spread out on the bed and laid her head down on the pillow but did not get a wink of sleep. Her mind kept creeping up to the floor above her where Remus' whimpering and scratching could be heard all night along.

*******

At the crack of dawn, just as the sun's rays were peaking over the horizon, the werewolf stirred from his corner where he had tempted to sleep the night before. He could feel an unbearable burning sensation going from the tips of his fur down to his sharp claws. The fur that covered his whole body slowly and steadily grew shorter as it receded back beneath his skin, his paws and claws began to take their true form as Remus' hands and feet, and instead of being hunched over on all fours he could feel his spinal cord splintering back to an upright and proper position allowing him to stand at his full height. Just when Remus thought he could no longer tolerate the sting of transforming back it all stopped rather abruptly.

Remus' muscles relaxed and his bones took a more comfortable position as he walked over the mirror that was hanging on the wall. When he looked into the mirror he saw a worn out figure with sweat covering his brow and a few new bleeding cuts. He looked horrible; he had black circles underneath his eyes and he was still very pale, making him look almost ghostly, and he seemed to have aged another ten years. The pain he'd gone through the night before definitely showed both in his eyes and his physical appearance. He may not look great but at least he got his body back and was himself again and for that Remus was happy.

A/N: Hey you guys. I would really like some feedback on whether or not this story is good or not. Please feel free to comment on any errors I made. I am new to the site and cannot get a beta until I've been a member for six months and I tend to overlook a lot while revising! So if anyone wants to be a sort of side beta for me that'd be cool.

I wrote this story two years ago and posted it on another website but I only got to chapter 11 so now I am rereading my work and posting the revised chapters here. I've been adding and subtracting a lot so it is basically a new story but once I get past chapter 11 it will be all up in the air so if you have any ideas on where you'd like it to go feel free to post it in a review =]

Have a nice day everybody!


	5. Healings and Attractions

A creak in the floorboard above her woke Tonks from a restless slumber in the early hours of the morning. Sure she could have put a silencing charm on the ceiling so she wouldn't hear the wolf's baying and scratching but it is not like she would have gotten much sleep anyways. All night Tonks was tossing and turning because all she could think about was Remus. She plotted all night long on how to approach him the next day so she would be able to take care of him again.

Tonks sat up and stretched. She put on her slippers and robe and went to look out her window. In was the crack of dawn and she watched the sun rise as she hummed a song by The Beatle's. Her father always played it on the record player when she would come home from Hogwarts. 'Here comes the sun do do dodo. Here comes the sun, I said, it's all right.' He always said the sun was always brighter when she got home. She had always been Daddy's little sunshine. 'If only I could be Remus' sunshine and chase away the moon for him… Aw man, come on Tonks, get in the game. Since when did you become a sappy romantic? That was a horrible metaphor. Simply ridiculous.'

While Tonks argued with her subconscious she overheard footsteps from the room above, 'Sounds like Remus is back on his own two feet.'

With a deep breath Tonks tightened her robe and slowly opened the door to the hall way. She crept out of the room checking the hallway. Before she stepped out she had to prepare herself because Sirius' room happened to be directly across the hall from Tonks' room and she knew just how keen his senses were (senses he received from his animagus form) so she had to make a huge effort not to make any sound.

Without noise, she tip-toed down the hall, up the stairs, and to the door of the attic which is where Remus was being confined. ('YAY ME NO NOISE! Or tripping… Or bumping, for that matter. Quite a personal accomplishment there, I must say.' Tonks thought as she congratulated herself).

At that exact moment her foot got caught in the bottom of her robe and she fell forward with a scream. Tonks desperately tried to seize something, anything, to save herself but there was nothing to come to her rescue. A spilt second later Tonks collided with the floor below her which shook the whole house, piercing the morning silence.

'Maybe I need to carry around wood from here on out it would come in handy when I have to knock on it after saying something like that. Ugh, Why do I have to be so gosh dang clumsy?! I was doing great, than I just had to go and trip, waking up this embarrassing moment that just couldn't seem to wait until noon time,' Tonks scolded herself.

"What the...!" Remus cried out in bewilderment as he pushed open the door as if to rush out in search of the cause of the noise but found the cause haphazardly lying at his feet and need not look any further.

"Are you alright?" He asked with a look of concern as he stepped around Tonks who was sprawled out over the floor, limbs in every direction.

Despite the pain in her shoulder Tonks' lips spread out in a wide grin as she looked at Remus' beat up form towering over her, "Wotcher, Remus. Oh, this?" She asked as she indicated to her body and the floor, "I was just doing some exercises. That was completely intentional. I am sorry for all that ruckus it caused; I hope Sirius didn't hear me."

Remus bit his bottom lip to hide both a grimace from his pain and a grin caused by Tonks' quirkiness. "Don't worry. Sirius sleeps as if he was dead and he snores as if he has the Sonorus spell on him so he rarely wakes up to any sound, no matter how good his senses are." Remus filled her in while grinning to himself, "You have to know the proper way to get him up."

"I'm hoping the key isn't a sleeping beauty kiss."

"If only it were that easy." Remus bantered as he offered his hand to Tonks, but when Remus tried to pull her up on to her feet he found that he was still very weak. His muscles tensed in protest and he took a sharp intake of breath as his normal soft and warm expression was twisted in agony and pain as he lifted Tonks up.

Tonks let go of Remus' hand the moment she saw his pain and without assistance she jumped to her feet in one fluid motion. Her minor injuries were of little importance now as she rushed to his side and put her arm around him so he had support. He looked as if he might fall over at any given moment. Tonks slowly and gently lead Remus back in the attic and to his bed.

"Nymphadora..." Remus whispered as if to objection but his attempt was feeble, too weak to do anything but comply.

Tonks put her finger to his lips signaling him to be quiet. She sat on his bedside again and gave him a good look over. There were a few deep gashes on his arms and face and there also was blood leaking through his clothing from his side. 'I wonder how he got those,' she pondered to herself as she conjured a steaming cloth absorbed with antibacterial potion.

When she put the antibacterial potion on his wounds Remus' muscles tensed and he grinded his teeth but he didn't protest. After a minute or two Remus finally relaxed and gazed into Tonks eyes.

He spoke his gratitude softly, "Thank you so much, Nymphadora, for taking care of me both yesterday and today."

She shrugged and replied, "No problem at all Remus. I'm just glad that you are... um well."

Remus looked away and Tonks knew that wasn't the best thing to say. Instead of continuing conversation Tonks kept her concentration on healing Remus which turned out to be slightly complicated.

Being this close to him was intoxicating. She had no idea how she could be so attracted to this man. 'You've only just met him and you're having feelings you've never had before for anyone. You shouldn't be feeling this way. You're being selfish; he needs a healer now not a girlfriend.' She thought as she took the cloth off and with her wand mended the gashes, leaving his skin slightly red but as good as new.

Once she had done this to all the wounds she could reach without taking any clothing off, Tonks cleared her throat and ordered, "Take your shirt off."

"What?!"

"Take your shirt off, please."

Remus looked back at her slowly and gave her a perplexed look, 'Why does she want me to take my shirt off? I'm not going half naked in front of her. It is not decent and she'll see my scars.' Remus panicked.

Tonks rolled her eyes but looked slightly flustered, "You are bleeding on your side and by the looks of how much blood that is on your shirt it looks pretty bad and I need to tend to it."

Remus twisted around and looked at his side. For the first time he both saw and felt the gash on that was right above his right hip bone. He sighed and with much difficultly and pain he pulled the shirt over his head. Tonks, feeling embarrassed, gave Remus the courtesy of evading her eyes and stepped away for a moment as he undressed. When he got the shirt off he cleared his throat nervously and Tonks turned her gaze back to him.

She temporarily forgot about the wound on Remus side as she gaped at him. Surprisingly his body was quite toned. He had a six pack not defined, but defiantly visible. With all his baggy clothing Tonks would have never guessed he possessed such a package. She couldn't help but admire him.

The staring went on until Remus shifted in the bed slightly and brought Tonks back from her daze. She never felt more embarrassed in her life! Tonks walked hastily back to his side, but sure enough to make matters worse she tripped on her robe again.

"Damn!" She cursed but this time, instead of landing on the floor, she fell into the arms of Remus.

Without knowing what else to have done Remus reached out and allowed her to fall into him. It hurt like hell since she was pressing against his hurt side but it was worth it. Remus took a deep breath in, 'She smells so nice and her skin is so soft.' He thought to himself as his arms wrapped around her, providing her with the support she needed to get back her equilibrium, 'She fits in my arms so perfectly. This is heaven. I'd love to stay like this forever.' It was then that he remembered the pain in his side, 'Wait, what did I just think?' Remus checked himself, 'You can't be falling for her, Moony. Remember you're a werewolf!' He groaned, 'Yeah and she saw me transform last night.'

Remus remembered seeing the horror in her eyes just before the wolf overtook him. 'What was I thinking; she probably thinks I really am a monster.' Remus released his hold on Tonks. She got to her feet with a deep blush on her cheeks bas she repeated her apologizes to him over and over.

After the seventh, "I am so so so sorry" Tonks shut her mouth with a snap and got right back to cleansing and healing without another word.

'Werewolf or not, she is cute and you DO like her. She always seems quite flustered around you.' Remus peered up at Tonks again and found her cheeks still ablaze.

Ten minutes later Tonks declared, "You're all patched up and ready to go! The only thing I could not get rid of was the scar the gash on your side left you."

Remus smiled appreciative, "Thanks a lot, Nym..."Tonks glared at him but he recovered quickly, "Tonks. It won't be the first time a gash has decided to leave its mark on me." Remus smiled lamely at his stupid joke as he stared at his chest which happened to be scar city.

"You get gashes like that a lot?" Tonks inquired with a solemn look on her face.

"Every once in a while."

"But how to you get them?"

Remus rubbed his eyes with his fists and answered slowly, "I sometimes tend to get restless and bite or scratch myself. Sometimes they are just from hitting against something that I was tearing apart. But I can never remember exactly what happened, it all becomes like a dream when I return to my human form."

"Oh, I see," Tonks said.

Just then there was a knock at the door and Sirius came in. He surveyed the room and hung his head in disappointment, "Man, Moony, you think you could have made more of a mess then this? My mum's stuff is still intact! I was hoping you would have destroyed them all for me."

Remus laughed out loud at Sirius distraught expression, "So, how you feeling, Moony?" Sirius asked before he fully comprehended the scene in front of him: Tonks standing over him with his shirt off.

"Never been better," Remus said sarcastically as he winced in pain. Every time he moved his bones felt as if they were pinching together, in protest.

Sirius chuckled obviously enjoying himself, "So I can see." Sirius turned to Tonks who was still standing nearby Remus, "What are you doing up here, Nymphadora?"

Tonks scolded immediately picking up on the playfulness in his voice, "I couldn't sleep so when I heard Remus wake up I decided to check up on him. He had a few injuries so I mended them."

"Since when do you know how to heal people?" Sirius wondered curiously.

"Well, when you're as clumsy as me you learn to heal wounds and broken bones quite early in life." Tonks replied as if it were the most obvious reason on earth, "It becomes a second nature."

Sirius snickered at this but turned his attention back to Remus once again, "Is there anything we can get you?"

"A cup of tea would be nice, actually, if it wouldn't be a bother."

"No bother at all. Hey, Tonks, do you mind getting Remus and I a cup of tea?" Sirius requested.

Tonks scolded at him again but left the room to get the tea none the less. Remus stared after her with his eyes out of focus, 'I really think I love Tonks. I have never met any woman like her, she's kind and loveable with a great sense of humor and she has such a refreshing youthful spirit about her and yet remains mature and sophisticated. I cannot believe she took care of me with so much tenderness and thoroughness even after she saw the beginning transformation,' Remus sighed hopelessly, 'It could never be though. Werewolves are not meant to love. Besides I'm still a lot older then her. I don't even know her fully.'

"Why so glum? I mean I know you were a werewolf an hour ago and all but you just had a beautiful woman cleaning your wounds." Sirius snickered, "That would be enough to cheer me up."

"I bet it would," Remus chuckled, "I'm fine. It just I was thinking about..." Remus trailed off when Tonks enter with a tray of tea and biscuits


	6. I've got chills, they're multiplying

The same day, Dumbledore stopped by Grimmauld Place dressed in his favorite aqua blue dress robes. The professor remained in the shadows of the doorway and observed the scene before him. He found, to his amusement, Remus cooking while Tonks and Sirius were seated at the kitchen table swapping stories of their childhood adventures at Hogwarts. Dumbledore chuckled at the memory of a young Sirius and Remus cooking up mischief every second of the day. He also was reminded of Tonks as a youngster; boy was she a hand full. 'Thank Merlin she was not old enough to attend Hogwarts when the Marauders where at large. Four mischievous boys was enough, imagine throwing in a girl who was a metamorphagus, none the less. Oh Nitwit!' Dumbledore thought with a twinkling smile.

Today it seemed as if Remus was cooking up something other than mischief today as he busied himself around the kitchen grabbing all different ingredients from every end of the Black's kitchen. Remus was so attentive on his cooking that he had not even noticed Dumbledore's entrance.

Remus was feeling as good as new as he hustled around from the stove to the cabinets trying to make dinner for everyone. Tonks smiled to herself as she observed Remus running back and forth as if his buttock were on fire. His determination was quite a spectacle.

The reason for Remus' miraculous recovery was unknown to everyone save Tonks who had slipped a drop of her mother's special relief potion in his tea that morning. Seconds after the potion touched his lips Remus felt the tension and pain he was experiencing leave his every limb. He was so jubilant that he could move after his transformation Remus sprung out of bed and hadn't sat still since. Remus was so overjoyed with his fast recovery that it had not crossed his mind to ponder why he _was_ feeling so great. No relief potion had ever worked before.

'So many of my days are wasted on recuperating, there is no way I'm wasting this day.' Remus resolved in his mind. With his aches and pains gone Remus insisted on making dinner for everyone. Remus was compelled and determine and there was no getting in his way.

Tonks had offered Remus her assistance but every time she so much as looked at what he was making, he would shoo her away and scold. He wanted to help Molly out as a favor because he felt bad that they had to up and leave all on his behalf.

However this was half of the truth, the real reason was so he could avoid Tonks. He needed to clear his head and go through his thoughts accordingly before he was ready to talk to her again. She had seen him turn into the wolf and she had seen him in his worst state, not many saw that part of him because that was not a part of him he often shown. This part of him showed him vulnerable and weak. Remus refused to let others see him as vulnerable, he did not desire pity or aid, it was his burden to bear and his alone.

There was something nice about having Tonks present with him in his vulnerable state and during this state Remus had felt things for Tonks that he dare not think again.

Dumbledore, whose arrival was still unknown, stepped completely into the kitchen and cleared his throat, "Hello Sirius. Nymphadora. Remus." He said politely as he nodded to each of them in turn.

Sirius and Tonks immediately ceased their conversation and Remus dropped the spoon he was using to stir the soup as he turned to look at the majestic man standing in the doorway. "Glad to see you on your feet so soon after your transformation, Remus. I am presuming everything went accordingly."

Remus just nodded in response as he slowly hunched over to pick up the spoon. Tonks observed him out of the corner of her eye and saw that Remus' eyes had given her a once over when he stood up right. After Remus, not knowing he was being watched, smiled his half smile as if he was pleased. At this Tonks swooned over him. Remus' half smile was what Tonks was beginning to fall so fast for. This special smile brought the youthfulness back in his face and one could not mistake the Marauder twinkle in his eye that shined out during his grin.

"How are you, sir?" Sirius asked in a slightly annoyed sarcastic voice. He still wasn't on very civil terms with him. Unfortunately because of Sirius' free spirit and stubbornness, Dumbledore was seen as the enemy for not allowing him to leave.

"Just fine, thank you." Dumbledore replied in a joyful way, "I just wanted to stop by and see how Remus was recovering and to remind Nymphadora of her guard duty tonight."

Not very interested in the reason why Dumbledore was here, she continued to muse over Remus as he kept at his work, that is until she heard her detestable name and immediately came into the conversation. "Professor, how many times do I have to remind you to call me Tonks?!" Tonks' face grew red and her breathing quickened, it looked as if she would morph into a dragon and breathe fire. Looks like she had been trying to avoid this outburst for too long, it came with vengeance. "If I have to remind someone of how much I _extremely detest_ my name again I'm going to go ballistic! I swear to Merlin someone will lose a right buttock if I hear that name again. I mean how hard is it to say Tonks opposed to..." She couldn't bring herself to repeat it, "My first name?"

"Chill, Dora, chill." Sirius was grinning with a surprise look, obviously enjoying the fact that Dumbledore was being told off by his pink haired cousin and surprised at her outburst, "Now what duty does Tonks here have to take on tonight, Professor?"

Dumbledore's face reminded as jolly as ever and the twinkle in his eye seemed to have gotten brighter, nothing ever seemed to faze that man, "Tonks, must go to Privet Drive to watch over Harry at 7:00. Kingsley said he likes to walk around at night so wear the appropriate clothing and shoes." Dumbledore took out his wand and mutter a few words and the time 5:03 came out of the tip, "I must be going now, I have a meeting with Fudge." With a wave of his hand he left the kitchen.

Sirius looked over at Tonks whose breathing was slowly coming back to normal and her face returning to its natural color; he then glanced at Remus who was still cooking before he barked out in fits of laughter. Both Remus and Tonks watched him roll around and clutch his stomach which was doubled up with laughter. They exchanged a worried look that showed they were both concerned for his sanity. He was laughing as if he had never laughed before and couldn't seem to stop!

"Padfoot?" Remus put his hand on his shoulder to help him from falling, "Padfoot! What's so funny?!"

Sirius stopped laughing, stood up straight, and wiped his eyes before saying, "I've never seen anyone put old Albus in his place like Tonks just did. Congrats Tonks, even though Albus did not even flint. He is wacked. I hope he says Nym…"

Tonks gave him a stern look.

"Your first name. I'd love to watch Dumbledore walk around off balance with only one buttock."

Sirius got up and walked out of the kitchen still bent over in malicious laughter.

"It wasn't that funny." Tonks muttered to Remus.

He smiled and just shrugged, "I guess he needed to let it all out. I haven't seen him laugh like that after he got out of Azkaban."

Remus smiled again but seemed dazed as he made a move to dodge around her. Every time Remus looked at Tonks he was reminded of the look of pure horror that clouded her gorgeous eyes as Sirius rushed her away from the attic the night before, as Sirius rushed her away from him, from a monster. Knowing he had caused that look on the woman who was so kind to him, the woman he had such strong feelings for, was painful. This image was the last thing Remus could remember before becoming the wolf and those eyes had haunted him since.

Remus had finally finished dinner and after setting out everything he sought for something else to do. He rushed to move out of the room and away from Tonks but before he could escape to another job Tonks got in his path, "Why are you in such a rush to leave? Is my presents' that bad? I mean sure I yelled at Dumbledore but you can call me Nymphadora if you want, I promise I won't lash out on you. I happen to like your ass so I won't be blowing it into the abyss. Stay and talk for a while, here."

She handed his a mug of butterbeer as he sat down at the table reluctantly, 'Wait she likes my ass?' He mused what was he suppose to make of that?

"Thanks, Nymphadora." He raised his eyebrow in apprehension, 'She had to have been joking about liking my ass. What sort of trickery is she up to? … Please don't hurt me.' He chanted in his mind.

But he need not worry, Tonks would never hurt him, every time Remus said her first name she couldn't help but feel like it was the most beautiful name there ever was. He said it in such a poetic manner it made the butterflies in her stomach go crazy! The way every syllable was enhancing the way they rolled off his tongue made it seem less distasteful. It was music to her ears. The soft and sweet kinda that reaches down into your soul.

"I know everyone has asked you this already but how are you feeling?"

Lupin stretched his legs out as if testing his limbs and as a result his knee accidentally brushed against her thigh, "I truly feel as if the full moon was ages ago. I have no idea how you achieved it but your nursing expertise seem to be working wonders. I am grateful for what you did to me, whatever it was. Never, in my many years as a werewolf, have I felt so splendid the morning after the full moon."

She could feel the heat of his touch hovering just above the skin on her leg teasing her senses; it was very _very_ distracting, "Oh. Uh. Um... Not a problem, um, to be honest I did not do much to stop the pain, I knew you were going to feel horrible the rest of the day, after seeing your wounds and such, so I slipped some relief potion in with your tea. I hope you don't mind."

"Mind?! Are you kidding me, what type of relief potion was it? Everyone I have tried is rubbish. They don't cure werewolf after-pains they just make me sick to my stomach."

Tonks winked, "It is a secret family recipe. If I told you I'd have to kill you."

"Ooohhh... Well I thank you none the less, you came to my rescue this morning and cleaned up the mess I had made of myself and left me feeling good." Remus chuckled heartily which was chased away by an awkward silence.

'Left me feeling good? You're an idiot Remus Lupin, like that's not awkward.' Remus mentally slapped himself.

"You seem distant. What's on your mind, Remus?" Tonks asked cautiously, "We never run out of things to talk about."

Tonks was right. When Remus was with her he felt like he could tell her everything and anything, and did (aside from his feelings for her). Those days cleaning around the house and sipping tea were never cluttered with awkward moments. When the two of them were together it was not awkward or weird it was just... right. But now Remus thoughts were clouded by the events of the morning and how he felt a sudden attraction to Tonks who was a young, beautiful, whole witch while he was the total opposite, broken, ugly and ancient.

"I don't know..." Remus began.

Tonks leaned forward and took his hand in hers trying to encourage him to open up to her. Her leg was touching his again and she felt a warm electric flow from his body to hers sending chills through her veins and they were multiplying but that was not important; "I can try and understand. Stop bottling it all up inside, let someone be there for you. Let me be there for you, Remus."

Tonks said this last sentence with such tenderness and love Remus looked into her beautiful shinning violet eyes, "You saw me transform and when I looked at you right before Sirius shut the door I could tell I had terrified you. I do not know how you see me after that and I hope it doesn't alter our relationship. Your friendship has not only meant a lot to Sirius, it has meant the world to me. It hurts me to know that I caused you to be so frightened. I am truly sorry."

"There is nothing to apologize for. It was entirely my fault and I do not perceive you any differently. You didn't scare me like that. I was not sacred for myself, I was scared for you. I was frightened at the fact that I had to see you in such pain and agony and couldn't do anything. Do you know how hard it is to watch someone you care about screaming in pain and all you can do is stand by the way side? You were right in front of me and yet I could do nothing but watch. I felt so helpless." Tonks wiped away a tear and began to absent mindedly stroke Remus' hand, which was holding hers cautiously as if anxious she would pull away or burst into flames at his touch.

"I told you to leave and yet you still stayed, why?" He replied in a strained voice.

"I wanted to make sure you were going to be alright. You take care of so many people and their problems yet you never let anyone take care of you. I wanted to show and prove to you that I don't care that you're a werewolf and that I can and will be there when you need me. You've been through so much rejection just because you received a terrible bite. I know you did not ask for any of this and yet you take it upon your shoulders like it is your burden to bear alone."

She had hoped Remus would pick up on the hints of how she felt for him, but no such hope, "I appreciate that and all but the wolf part of my being cannot be controlled and if you were still there once I had fully transformed I could have bitten you. I hate for people to see me transformed. It's a part of me that I have accepted and others have rejected." Remus couldn't stand to look at Tonks any longer as his gaze began to shift to his leg which was still touching Tonks'. Her fingers were gliding gracefully across his hand on the table leaving his skin burning and tingling in their wake. Every time they touched Remus got chills and they kept on multiplying leaving him breathless.

"Just because I saw you transform doesn't mean that I think of you any less. I understand how you are not Remus Lupin on the full moon, I know he is gone when the wolf comes and takes over." Tonks used her pointer finger to bring his face back up. She needed him to understand she was there for him and understood. If he couldn't identify with her words surely he could distinguish the love in her eyes.

"You're brilliant, you know that Tonks?" Remus smiled as he cocked his head to the side.

"I am, am I? How do you figure?" She questioned back with a raised eyebrow.

"Well for one thing, I'm not coped up in bed because of pain at this moment and for another, you know exactly what to say in every situation. You have an infectious personality that seems to be wearing off on me. And you can get me to smile even with after-pains. Even Sirius and James had a hard time with that one." He chuckled at the memory, "Thank you, Nymphadora."

"Well, then, I guess I _am_ brilliant!" Tonks declared.

They both laughed in unison leaning on one another for support. They were both brought to their senses when the high pitched door bell went off which triggered Mrs. Black. The Weasley's had arrived.

Sirius was the first to get to the door and let the eight Weasleys into 12 Grimmauld Place. They all rushed in and the quite house was erupted with the stampede of the red head bunch. Bill, Charlie (both are taking a few weeks off work to receive Order instructions) and Sirius immediately went to work on shutting the curtains on Mrs. Black's painting along with her mouth.

Remus and Tonks got up and greeted the new comers, "Hello everyone."

Molly rushed over to Remus and put a hand to his forehead. With seven children Molly couldn't help but be maternal to everyone, "Remus, how are you feeling, dear?" She inquired, "You should not be up and moving about right after the full moon! You should be resting!" She then turned to Tonks and scolded, "How could you let him walk around after what he went through last night?"

Remus put a reassuring hand on Molly shoulder, "On the contrary, Tonks has taken very good care of me since you left." Tonks felt a slight blush rise up to her cheeks, "She even slipped me a potion that has proven to be a miracle. It has helped with the after-pains."

Molly gave Tonks an apologetic and approving glimpse before her husband changed the subject, "Do I smell potato soup?" He looked hopefully.

"Why yes it is, Mr. Weasley," Sirius grinned widely, "Compliments of Mr. Lupin."

"Food! Why didn't you say so?" Ron cried out.

"My point exactly," Sirius said.

With the knowledge of food being present in the house, six red heads (Bill, Charlie, Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny) along with Sirius, rushed to be seated in one swift movement. Arthur and Molly exchanged a loving glance. Mr. Weasley grasped his wife's hand and pulled a chair out for her.

Tonks couldn't believe how strong their love was, 'They have endured so much, every day was a struggle but their love made the struggle a welcomed obstacle. Both Molly and Arthur had dreams. They were both excellent at magic but true love had altered their dreams. They were not blinded by love, if anything they were born anew and could see as clear as ever.' With a love like theirs one wonders how they had room in their hearts for their seven children let alone everyone of their friends yet they had made it work, 'Such a wonderful sight,' She stared at the loving couple with hearts bigger than any other and then stared at Remus wondering what their children would look like.

"I guess we should follow in suite." Remus proposed offering Tonks his arm. Tonks nodded in agreement and took his arm as they walked into the kitchen to the sight of a room filled with love and merriment. No thoughts of Voldemort or killings or even werewolves crossed any of their minds as they shared a wonderful dinner and each other's company. What could be more perfect?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

March 22

I am very sorry this chapter has taken so long. I have been very busy of late. The lack of reviews has honestly left me unmotivated plus this chapter was hard to get into as you can tell from my rambling in the beginning. I will probably rewrite it for a 3rd time once I get caught up. Thank you and have a splendid day!


	7. Damn Bad Timing

During her nightly assigned watch on Privet Drive, Tonks found herself hunched over in the shrubbery only half listening to the blabber for the television's anchor man. Her thoughts were drifting away from her again. It was a feeble attempt to reign in her thoughts, Harry had not move from his position in the living room for nearly two hours. He was watching the news attentively with his so called 'family'. It was evident he was anticipating something to come on. Harry's whole being was tense like a lion waiting to pounce with his fingers clenching and unclenching near the pocket in which his wand was hidden. He did this almost every night and Tonks was bored!

While she remained alert, Tonks allowed herself to detach from her thoughts as they drifted to the previous week when she found Remus slashed up and bleeding through his clothes. Tonks had not seen him since that day. She had been so swamped with work and her Order duties that she barely had enough time to sleep and eat let alone stop by headquarters for a visit. Even though Tonks' body may not be there her thoughts and her heart most certainly were. Tonks had been thinking about Remus a lot more lately. Memories of him danced across her head. A smile crept to her lips when she pictured the awkward moment in the attic when he took his shirt off. Tonks felt guilty in thanking God he bit himself there, but who could blame her? If he hadn't bitten himself on the side she would not have these thoughts and images to entertain her while she was bored out of her mind.

Just then a voice pierced through her meditation, "MUUUUMMMM! DAD!" The screams broke through the quietness of the street, "MUM! HE'S GOT HIS… HIS… HIS THING OUT!"

Tonks could hear quick light feet running from the kitchen and gigantic elephant feet trampling in from the hallway.

Tonks scrambled to the open window under Dumbledore's invisibility cloak. What she saw was Mr. and Mrs Dursley bursting into the living room. Vernon Dursley was purple in the face and was pointing a threatening finger in Harry's face.

"Boy, how many times do I have to tell you to not take your... your thing out in my house?!"

It seemed the only thing keeping him from yelling at the top of his lungs was the fact that he did not want to draw more attention to his house. God forbid there be anything unnatural in their house. What Mr. Dursley failed to realize is that his son and he himself were unnaturally fat, Harry just happened to be icing on the cake.

Tonks' looked for what the "thing" was that seemed to be getting Harry in so much trouble. Her gaze fell onto the wooden stick clamped tightly in Harry's grasp. It was his wand. Harry hastily put his wand into his back pocket.

'Perhaps he is trying to prevent himself from hexing his uncle. I know I am. Poor Harry, having to live with these horrible wretched people.' Tonks thought.

"I'm sorry, OK. I wasn't going to do magic, I was just holding it out of habit." Harry fought back.

Tonks' knew perfectly well Harry had his wand out watching out for strange activity. 'Why can't Dumbledore just tell him what You-Know-Who is doing so he doesn't have to watch the television with smiling naive muggles who act as if everything is peachy even though the world is falling apart. Just like Fudge. Our world is so corrupt!' Tonks shifted from one foot to the other trying to stay focused, but instead of standing on flat ground she stepped on a root with her right foot causing her to twist her ankle. She shouted out in pain and fell over with a thud grasping her ankle.

Tonks cursed silently as Harry rushed to the window and brought his wand out again in one swift movement, peering into the dark for the source of the sound.

"PUT THAT BLOODY THING AWAY BEFORE SOMEONE SEES!" Mr. Dursley yelled, showering everyone within ten feet of him with spit.

"Quiet!" Harry hissed his eyes ablaze with intense fire as he peered out the window, "I heard a noise outside the window in the bushes."

"GO TO YOUR ROOM! NOW!! I DON'T WANT YOU IN THE LIVING ROOM WITH US ANY MORE!"

With one last glance out the window Harry slowly turned and walked up the stairs.  
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The next morning Tonks found herself at Grimmauld Place; it felt so good to be back there. Sure, there was nothing pleasant about the place, it was dismal and dark but it was where her second family and her new obsession lived making it just as pleasant as if it where Hogwarts.

The aroma of crisp toast and juicy bacon filled Tonks' nose and she couldn't wait to devour Molly's breakfast but first she would visit Remus but her stomach growled in protest. 'Maybe I'll go find him after I eat.' She smiled and meandered into the kitchen.

"Good morning Tonks."

"Wotcher, Molly. Anything I can help with?"

Molly did not even answer she just gave Tonks the 'are you kidding look' and continued on her merry way.

"How was duty last night, dear?" Molly questioned after a particularly long yawn on Tonks' part.

"Never without its excitements." Tonks stretched and explained her night, "Harry is a nervous wreck. He is on his toes at all times watching the muggle news like a hawk. But anyways, knowing me you can picture the scene: me in the bushes crouched down with roots sticking out all about… I tripped and fell while Harry was in the living room. He heard me and took out his wand. If his uncle was not there to yell at him (Tonks morphed her face into Mr. Dursley's purple and massive one) 'GO UPSTAIRS AND PUT YOUR THING AWAY' I fear the curse Harry would have sent my way. Sure he could not see me but he knew someone or thing was out there. He's a smart kid. I normally am a smart Auror, my clumsiness is normally put on hold during my assignments, I guess that's what happens when you hardly get any sleep. Anyways, he went upstairs and spent the rest of the night in his room writing until late. I suspect he was writing to Sirius and Ron so expect Hedwig to be arriving soon."

Molly remained silent as she continued to cook with silent tears rolling down her cheeks. Tonks knew she was sensitive about Harry he was like a son to her and like Dumbledore Molly wished to keep him out of harm's way but also wished to keep him out of the Order. It did not please her to hear he was in pain or being treated in such a way.

This reminded Tonks of Remus. That was exactly how she felt towards Remus, not wanting him in pain or to be treated prejudicially. 'Where is he anyway?' She wondered and decided to ask to distract Molly, "Is Remus here, Molly?"

"He should be. Why?" Molly asked with a bit of curiosity.

"No reason, um I was just thinking how he too has to watch over Harry and wondered if Harry watched the news every night or just the nights I'm there," Tonks made up lamely.

"Uh, ha," Molly nodded more to herself then to Tonks.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Tonks raised suspiciously.

"Oh, nothing, dear," Molly smiled but again more to herself then to Tonks.

"What is it!?" Tonks was officially annoyed. "What are you smirking about?" She demanded.

Molly shrugged it off her rudeness, "It's just curious."

"What's curious?" Tonks wondered agitated.

She'd been up all night and was very irritable. She knew she was out of line but when it came to Remus she was very sensitive but then again she did not even know if it was about Remus.

"It's just that you haven't been around for a week and when you come back the first person you ask for is Remus and not your cousin, Sirius. I'm not blind or stupid you know. I didn't raise seven children and lived through it for nothing. I know a thing or too." Molly said as she abandoned her cooking to point a wooden spoon at her to make sure she got her point across.

Tonks' huffiness melted away. She loved Molly. She always knows what is going on with having to be told. Mrs. Weasley has her ways of finding things out for herself and working out what's going on. She is definitely underestimated.

"I guess you're right. Sorry I snapped. I'm just a little on edge because I can't stop thinking about him. I really like him yet I know he will never like me in that way. Although, at times he seems to have the same feelings but I can be certain what he's thinking. He is a very difficult man to read, there is just so much going on behind his eyes but who could blame him, he's been through so much," Tonks slouched over, "What do I do, Molly?"

Molly just gave her a warm motherly smile. It was amusing listening to a grown woman tell her the same things her younger daughter had told her earlier about Harry. And Molly gave Tonks the same advice she gave Ginny, which was simply, "Nothing. He is not the type of man to jump into something; he has to warm up to the idea. So, I'm afraid you do nothing, for now, dearie. You have to wait it out and let fate take control."

Tonks understood and nodded her head. She yawned again for the umpteenth time, and heard someone from behind her cleared their throat and say, "Have to wait for fate to take control of what?"

'Damn! It's Remus! Talk about bad timing,' Tonks thought, she could recognize that voice anywhere.

"Wotcher, Remus... AAHHHH!" Tonks screamed as her chair flew out from under her. She had been leaning back on it so it was on two legs up in the air and when she went to face Remus it let lose.

Molly gasped as Tonks came colliding into the floor, along with the chair, with such force that it seemed to shake the whole room, "Dear me, Tonks! When will you ever learn to stay on your two feet? Are you alright?"

Before Tonks could answer the voice of Sirius called from the top of the stairs. His voice nothing but pure mockery, "Tonks is that you? How nice of you to fall in."

"Very funny, Sirius!" Tonks yelled back in an annoyed voice.

She turned back to Remus who was bent over laughing, "Glad I amuse you." She snapped as she rubbed the back of her head.

Remus immediately fell silent, "I'm sorry," He said sincerely as he reached down to help her up, "Are you alright?"

Remus put his arms around her to set her right and she responded with a sigh, "Now, I'm fine."

Remus quickly removed his arms and blushed but Tonks didn't see, 'What is it with this girl? Every time I'm near her I'm always blushing or my stomach twists in knots. I am the one falling.' Remus deliberated with himself, 'Stop thinking like that! It's just a little crush, she is far too young for you and besides what do you have to offer her? Nothing. Have you forgotten that you're a werewolf?' His conscience never let him forget it so how could he have? I use to be so careful about it I need to forget… her…

"Dearest cousin, how is your bum?" Sirius joked as he entered the room, "We haven't seen or heard you tumbling around this house in a while."

"Hardy Har Har, you're so funny," Tonks winced as she continued to rub her sore spots, "Well, between work and trying to catch up with my sleep after watching Harry, I've had no free time to 'fall in' as you say."

Just then a snowy white bird flew gracefully through the window and onto the table. She ruffled her feathers from the long journey and stuck out her leg which carried two letters.

"Hello, there Hedwig!" Sirius' face lit up when he realized whose bird it was.

Molly rushed towards the bird with a treat for her long journey and untied the letters from her leg, "They're letters for you and Ron," Molly informed them as Sirius opened his letter and began reading intensively as he slowly walked out of the room to give Ron his letter. Molly continued on with her cooking and cleaning humming a tune that Tonks couldn't recognize the tune.

Remus smiled and nodded as he also walked out of the room but Tonks wasn't going to let him get away that easily. She hadn't seen him in days and he was just going to walk away? I don't think so, "Remus wait!" She cried as she went after him, "Can we talk?"

Remus arched his eyebrow at this and nodded letting curiosity get the best of him, 'What could she possibly want to talk to me about?' He wondered to himself. "What is it you'd like to talk about?"

"Well actually...um... It's more that I'd like to ask you something." Tonks began all flustered ('Why am I so nervous?') and Remus' pulse began to quicken ('Is she going to ask me what I think she's going to? What should I tell her?'), "Would you like to go ou..."

"He wants to know what's going on, again. Why can't Dumbledore just bring him here and let Harry in on what is going on with the Order? He is half the reason why we have an Order again. If it weren't for Harry we'd have no idea Voldemort was back! It's just wrong to not tell him I feel like such a bad godfather not being able to tell him. My job is to make sure not only to ensure his safety but to make sure he isn't drowning in misery. James would never let his son be miserable!" Sirius thoroughly interrupted their intimate moment.

He was so caught up in fury that he failed to realize the distraught looks on the star crossed lovers' faces. Sure they were sympathetic with Harry but fate was just about to take place… or was it? And Sirius' rants ruined it.

'Dimmit, Sirius. Damn you and your bad timing. Do you really think I want to know what the Harry is saying in his letters when Remus is with me ALONE?!' Tonks screamed to herself, 'I was finally about to get the words out of my mouth. We'll never have a moment like that again.'

Tonks snuck a glance over at Remus who seemed to be avoiding everyone's eyes, "Dumbledore has his reasons, I suppose."

"Come on, Moony, even you have to admit they must be stupid reasons."

Remus just shrugged. He hated to be in opposition to Dumbledore who had given him the chance to learn about magic and go to school when no one else would. Dumbledore had taught him all throughout his years at Hogwarts and stood up for him when no one else would. And even after all the mischief and mayhem of Hogwarts, he had gotten him a job when no one else would hire him. To this day Remus feels guilty about betraying Dumbledore's trust during his 7 years of schooling when he, James, Peter and Sirius pranced around the school on full moons. Remus owes Dumbledore so much so how could he go against him? Plus the whole wizarding world is against Dumbledore right now, the least Remus could do is stand by him. Seems they are now juxtaposing one another.

Sirius appeared livid as he stormed out of the living room leaving Tonks and a slightly put out Remus alone again.

"Hey, don't look so glum. Sirius is just upset with Dumbledore for locking him up in here and in order to prove the Professor is wrong in keeping him locked away Sirius is trying to find a fault, even though Dumbledore is practically flawless. You don't have to agree with him. He's as irritable as a girl with no chocolate."

Remus sagged his shoulders again, "It's just that Albus Dumbledore is such a powerful wizard and I owe everything to him. He's been there for me through everything. I don't want to betray his trust. Plus every time I think he is doing something off the rocker it turns out better than I would have ever dreamed. He knows things most people don't and I've learned to trust him and just go with it."

Tonks nodded in agreement and after a while of silence Tonks raised an interesting question, "Remus have you ever been in a close relationship with a woman?"

'That was random and off topic,' Remus considered hard before he answered slowly and quietly, "Um, I was in a term long relationship a few years back."

"What happened?"

Remus stared at her long and hard, 'Was she serious? What does she think happened? Why does she want to know?' "I told her about being a werewolf and it scared her away." Remus looked away with regret in his eyes, "I guess it just wasn't meant to be, but I loved her all the same."

"I'm so sorry, Remus." Tonks sympathized but internally she made a note to thank this girl later. 'How could she turn down such a kind and caring man who gave her his heart and just throw it away because of something he can't control? I'd give anything to hold his heart.'

"It was a while ago and I haven't seen her since."

Tonks nodded then asked another question, "Have you dated since?"

"Why so personal?" He asked in a playful tone trying to lighten the mood and veer off the topic but Tonks' expression remained unchanged and her eyes were boring into him, not in a threatening way but in a way that reached out to him trying to read his soul. "No, not really." Remus replied in a quieter voice with a slight pink in his cheek.

"Well, do you think that maybe..."

"Filthy muggle lovers and half breeds, werewolves. How dare they come in my mistress' house? And young master always asking, Kreatcher of things like he has the right. Tainted mutt, I will not do anything for that blood traitor!" The sneaky old house-elf, Kreatcher crept into the room muttering loudly to himself.

'Damn bad timing again!' Both Remus and Tonks thought in unison.

"How are you doing Kreatcher?" Remus shouted over his mumblings.

Kreatcher stopped in his tracks and cocked his head and brought he's ears to full attention, "What does the blood hungry werewolf want? Hasn't his existence been enough of a burden to those here in house of Black?"

"How dare you, you ugly old git! You are the one filled with filth. You are nothing but an unwanted maggot!" Yelled an outraged Tonks, "He's much much more than a werewolf and he is not blood hungry AND he is nothing but a delight to have here!"

"Tonks it's ok," Remus said with much gratitude in his voice, "Don't worry about it. No sense in arguing with a mindless house elf."

They shared a peaceful moment lost in thought.

'Here's your chance ask him now.' Tonks encouraged herself, "Would you..."

Molly voice called them all from their places in the house to the kitchen, "BREAKFAST IS DONE!"

'Oh, forget it!' Tonks thought frustrated, 'Damn everyone and their bad timing.'

Remus bowed to her and offered Tonks his arm. She took hold of it and was whisked out of the hallway with a smile on her face, 'Maybe I won't forget about it just yet.'

"We'll talk later."

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Updated March 30, 2009


	8. It's Not A Date

"There is not much time. We must take action quick." Dumbledore began as he addressed the Order.

He had called an emergency meeting. So here all the members of the Order stood with apprehensive and frighten looks. They were waiting anxiously for Dumbledore's reason as to why he gathered them all to Grimmauld Place on such short notice. The same questions bounced off the walls, 'What had happened? Where is You-Know-Who? Who died?'

"At exactly one hour ago there was an attack on Harry Potter's life."

Everyone in the room gasped and Remus felt Sirius move to stand up but he held him back and shook his head, "Listen," He whispered to him.

"Who was suppose to be watching him!?" Sirius growled.

"Very good question, Sirius." Albus answered having heard his question, "You see Mundungus was suppose to be watching Harry tonight but he had a business offer he said he could not have passed up."

Some people clicked their tongues in disapproval while other just shook their heads knowing very well Mundungus probably had bought stolen stuff or something illegal, as if they were more important than the boy that would bring peace to the world.

Sirius balled his fists tightly at his side and said in a low voice, "If anything happened to Harry, I'll kill him with my bare hands."

"Earlier, two Dementors were sent to Magnolia Crescent on Lord Voldemort's orders to attack Harry. Harry was walking around his neighborhood when the Dementors made an appearance. His cousin, Dudley, an innocent bystander, was also attacked." Everyone shuddered at the mention of these detestable creatures, "I'm fortunate to announce Harry and his cousin got a way unscathed thanks to the Patronus Harry conjured. Though I am unfortunate enough to say that the Minster does not approve of this action, they attempted to have him expelled and take his wand, refusing to believe that the Dementors were in Surrey. With much persuasion I convinced them other wise and there is to be a hearing on the 12th of August to discuss what happened. Until this time I would like to send an Advanced Guard to retrieve Harry from his house in three days time. If I am not mistaken this should be enough time to make the proper arrangements, am I correct, Alastor?"

Mad Eye nodded his head slowly deep in thought and when Dumbledore asked him to head this operation he agreed. With one last reminder to the crowd that Harry was priority, Dumbledore dismissed them.

When the meeting let out Tonks set off to begin her search for Remus and Sirius.

With much difficultly Tonks managed to push her way through the mob of people. They were all rushing into the kitchen she found herself face to face with the Weasley children and Hermione who were all looking rather guilty and flustered sitting on the stairs.

"What are you all up to?" Tonks asked them in an accusing voice.

"Nothing," In unison they all answered rather quickly as Tonks rose her eyebrows.

"Nothing, eh? Are you sure?"

"Positive Ms. Tonks. We are angels with no fault." The twins snickered.

"Is that so? Well since you won't tell me the truth, you leave me no choice," She sighed as she waved her wand, "Accio Extendable Ears."

Fred and George cursed as their precious inventions flew from their deep pockets and into Tonks' hands.

"Not fair!" They cried out in protest.

Tonks mockingly giggled at Fred and George's stunned expressions as she pocketed the Extendable Ears and walked away without another word. She had no intention of keeping them she just loved catching the Weasley Twins in action. She admired their work and ticks and found them very humorous. Tonks would return them before the night was over, when Molly was not present, of course.

Tonks strolled straight past the kitchen and into the study where she finally found the two people she was in search of.

Standing in a circle in the corner of the room, with their heads together, were Sirius, Remus, and Mad Eye deep conversion.

Tonks had always looked up the Great Made-Eye Moody; despite his weird ways Tonks had to hand it to him, he was a great Auror and a nice man once you got to know him. You had to first survive his intimidation phase. He had helped her pass her Auror training and since then they got along great. He was the Auror she aspired to be someday, he was her mentor. Sure he found her an annoyance at times just as Tonks found him a mental case most all of the time but in the end Moody took her under his wing making her his special project. He had a lot of faith in her growing abilities. It was that faith which lead her to the Order.

"What's Harry's Patronus take the form of?" Sirius asked interested.

"A Stag." Remus informed.

"God, could this kid be any more like James?" Sirius exclaimed in a prideful manner, "I mean that was what James' was not to mention the fact that he was also a stag in animagus form."

"Yes, James would have been very proud." Moody remarked as he bowed his head.

"James lives in Harry and Harry prevails for both James and Lily." Remus said somberly.

There was a slight pause before Tonks decided to invite herself into the conversation since no one had notice her presences.

"Harry must be one hell of a wizard to be able to perform a true Patronus. It took me a good two years with my Auror training to be able to perform one, and it's still not perfect. Are they teaching the Patronus at Hogwarts now?" Tonks questioned.

"No, it is too advanced; I agreed to privately teach Harry in his third year because the Dementors had grown a liking for him." Remus informed.

"I didn't know you were a teacher." She was slightly shocked. She kept forgetting that there was still so much about this man she didn't know about yet. To Tonks it feels like they've been friends for forever.

"Only for a short while." He replied bluntly, it wasn't his favorite subject to talk about.

"Did you like it?"

"Oh, yeah, I loved it. But Severus let slip to the students the nature of my being and I felt it was my duty to leave." Remus looked around the room, the subject obviously made him uncomfortable.

"I truly hate that man," Sirius and Tonks said simultaneously.

"Yes but Dumbledore trusts him and he's a member of the Order." Moody told them firmly, obviously ending the subject, "Lupin, Tonks? Would you two like to be a part of the Advanced Guard?" He turned to the two of them and asked.

"Of course!" Tonks proclaimed.

"I wouldn't miss it." Remus stated.

"Great, now, all I need you to do is find a way to get those Dursley folk out of the house. Can I count on you do come up with something, Tonks?" He requested.

"I have always come through for you in the past, Alastor," Tonks joked, knowing perfectly well he avoided giving her tasks on account of her clumsiness. However, Tonks was already formulating a plan in her head and it only required a letter and a post man.

"Well it is settled then, I must go and ask a few others, if you three will pardon me," Moody scooted past them as his enchanted eye rolled around roaming the wall which barred this room from the kitchen.

Sirius sat down heavily on the couch and sighed deeply, "I do not understand why I just can't go and bring Harry here with the rest you. Moody didn't even glance at me when he asked you guys to go with him. It will be at night, I'm sure and we'll be undercover with Mad-Eye's fricking mad eye twirling around and around in his thick skull! Just for once I wish I could do something for the Order that does not involve a bucket of water and a rag."

"Come on, Padfoot, we've had this conversation before. Dumbledore believes it's for the best. Sooner or later you'll be able to leave. Just try to be patient and do not mess it up. If you're caught outside by someone else you'll only prolong your stay in captivity. But it will be spent in Azkaban rather then here."

When Remus finished a spark lit in Sirius' eyes and he stepped right up to Remus. It almost looked as if Sirius might hit him but Remus stood his ground seizing him up just the same.

The room was getting just a bit too stuffy for Tonks but just as she was about to step in between them Sirius threw up his hands and stomped out of the room muttering something about having to feed Buckbeak.

Remus took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly as he sank into the love seat, "What am I going to do with him?" He asked in a slightly helpless voice, he leaned back and closed his eyes.

Exhaustion and stress were written in bold capital letters across his face and Tonks wished that there was something she could do to help him.

"I wish things weren't the way they were for Sirius; he should not be trapped in here. Especially after all the stuff he has done for the order, both times. But what can we do? He is a 'dangerous criminal.'" He stared rubbing his neck.

"Here let me help you with that." She sat next to him and began to rub his shoulders.

Remus was so tired it did not even faze him that a woman was touching him. He rolled his head from side to side as she continued to relieve him. Remus' muscles were tense and knotted real good from all the stress built up throughout his hard life. No one had ever cared to take care of him and he was too busy taking care of others to take care of his self and see a massage therapist. Remus slipped into a light slumber as Tonks lulled him to sleep.

It felt so good to have the tense released. Remus couldn't help himself as a quite moan escaped his lips.

Tonks tried to suppress a giggle which came out a snort. This caused a chain reaction of events.

Remus woke up abruptly and turned his head back and forth, looking for the noise that woke him, which resulted in his neck being cracked, painfully I might add. And to top it all off, Remus, still dazed by sleep, fell off the couch in an attempt to reach for his wand ("Crap!" He yelled out and he fell with a thud).

Tonks' hand quickly covered her face in utter humiliation. 'I've topped my record of embarrassing moments.' Tonks thought distressed, 'I've just ruined the most perfect moment of my pathetic romantic life!'

Remus looked at Tonks with wide eyes as he tenderly rubbed his neck, "Ah, um, yeah, sorry, I guess I dozed off for a minute. Thanks for that."

Tonks was not sure if he was being sarcastic about waking him up or if he was truly thanking her for rubbing his neck. Tonks noticed a mischievous twinkle in Remus' eyes but he just gave her a friendly smile. Tonks, who was still embarrassed and red in the face, gained her composer a bit and smiled back shyly.

She watched as Remus returned to his seat next to her. He was still rubbing his neck which was probably as a result of Tonks' most recent disaster.

"I'm sorry, that was my fault. Would you like me try again?" Tonks offered.

He stared at her in horror.

"Oh shut it!" Tonks said as she assumed her position.

"You're good at this," Remus complimented with a chuckle still in his voice. He was pretty nervous with Tonks being so close to him and having her hands touching him but she just thought he was mocking her.

Tonks blushed, "I'm sorry for being such a klutz." Remus just waved his hand in a dismissive way and there was silence between the two of them.

After a while Tonks offered, "I'm sorry you had to quit the job you love too."

Remus looked over at Tonks, "It's no big deal. I got to meet and teach Harry and help him achieve many things. If I had a choice I would have loved to stay and teach him more. It was such a joy to watch him grow more and more like his father every day. It was a joy to watch all of them actually, it brought back many memories and their youthful spirits were always nice to have around when I was recovering from a full moon."

"He seems like a great kid, Harry. I can't wait to meet him."

"Umm,"

Tonks continued to massage Remus' shoulders and began to slowly move down his arms. This sent a chill through him as he tensed up again but this was for a different reason entirely. Remus had never felt like this before when a woman touched him. All Tonks was doing was massaging him, 'Get a hold of yourself Remus!' His skin slightly burned with anticipation and the touch of her delicate fingers seemed to linger teasingly on his tender skin.

Tonks leaned very close to his ear and whispered, "You need to relax."

Her hot breath lingered on his cheek and sent all the thoughts that he had locked up free.

Silence rang through the room and the sexual tension seemed tangible.

'It is now or never,' Tonks encouraged herself before she whispered in his ear again, "Remus," She stopped her massaging so he could turn and look her in the eyes, "Would you like to go out to dinner with me sometime?"

Tonks inwardly held her breath waiting for an answer from Remus.

'Say what? Did she just ask what I think she asked? I still must be drowsy,' Remus thought but when he looked into Tonks expecting glance he knew he'd heard right. He contemplated his answer, 'What should I tell her? I'd LOVE to go out with her but there's only one problem: I'M A BLOODY WEREWOLF. That damn furry problem always has to ruin my life. Why can't I be a normal guy who can go on dates with a girl?... No a woman... a very attractive woman for that matter. Even though there are seven years between us she is a woman.'

Remus began, "I'm not sure if that would be the best idea."

Tonks shook her head at this answer, "What's wrong with the idea? I figured it'd be a good way to get to know you better. I keep forgetting that we've only just met and I don't know that much about you. You are a mysterious man Remus, and I am determined to solve your mystery."

"I'm too old for you to be seen with. People will judge you, especially those who know what I am."

"You are not too old for me, Remus. Plus, I style my hair pink all the time, you think I care about being judged? All I want to do is get to know you."

"You don't want to know about me."

"Of course I do! You're my friend."

"I'm your cousin's best friend."

"All the more reason to get to know you better."

"I'm not sure if I'm ready for a commitment." He retorted lamely, he was running out of things to say so both Tonks and his conscience would stay convinced.

"Who said anything about a commitment?" She pressed. 'No way is he getting away with these stupid excuses.'

'Thanks for making me feel like an idiot! She just keeps shooting down my excuses,' He raked his brain for something to say but came up empty handed. "I guess I could go out one night." Remus shrugged defeated, seeing no way around Tonks' stubbornness.

"It's settled than. Let's go for next Saturday at 7:00. We'll meet here and then decide where to go from there." Tonks more or less stated then suggested.

"Sounds good," Remus said rather dully as he thought, 'What have I gotten myself into?'

Two days later, "Moony has a date! Moony has a date!" Sirius chanted as he pranced around the house all morning once he heard the news of Remus and Tonks' planned evening. He even had Fred and George in on the fun as they set off an array of fireworks in the hallway for the 'celebration'. This definitely set Molly off too. Bless her, she fought so hard to be heard over the explosions and Mrs. Blacks screeches. However irritated as Remus was with their obnoxious display he couldn't help but admire their work and smile at their jokes. He just did not see what the big deal was.

'It's not a date.' Remus kept saying in his mind, 'It can't be a date... holy crap what if Tonks thinks it's a date...What do I do then?' Remus began to feel a little hot under his collar, 'I'm not nervous, no way, I'm completely cool. Who am I kidding! I have absolutely no idea what to think of this 'date',' Remus chuckled at his childish behavior, 'I still have a whole 5 days to prepare... 5 days!!!... Oh Merlin what am I going to do? Oh will you just SHUT UP!' Remus fought with his thoughts.

"Good going there Remus," Sirius leaned over to pat him on the back, saving him from his inter battle, once everything was settled down for lunch, "I was beginning to think you weren't straight anymore. I was getting a little nervous when you would hug me all the time."

The whole table erupted with the sound of laughter and utensils banging against the table. Remus turned scarlet red as even Molly hid behind her napkin to hide her laughter. He knew they were only teasing but it still was embarrassing never the less. Suddenly his Marauders senses began to tingled all over as he saw the opportunity at hand.

"I'm still not sure of that myself, my dear Padfoot." Remus told them calmly as he winked at his friend who sat upright, frozen in his seat.

Remus let the effect settle in before exclaiming, "I'm only teasing you idiot!"

Sirius seemed to sink right through his chair in relief, "Once a Marauder, always a Marauder." Remus smirked at him, "I couldn't help it, Padfoot."

"I could see that." He muttered as everyone broke into another fit of hysterics, "Cheers!" He toasted Remus on his cleverness and joined in the fun.

Eight wizards and one witch were gathered at Grimmauld Place awaiting the signal to evaporate to number 11 Private Drive. Because the floo network was under surveillance 24/7 and since Harry was not old enough to apparate, Moody planned to bring Harry back to headquarters on brooms.

"After all, he's been cooped up in that Muggle house for so long, I'm sure he can't wait to be on a broom again." Mad-Eye reasoned.

"Everyone accounted for?" Mad Eye shouted over their heads and took a moment to make sure everyone was there, "Seeing that everyone is present I suggest we begin our journey." With that Moody stepped outside into the warm summer's evening with everyone in tow, "I shall go first so I can make sure the surroundings are secure and then in 2 minutes you all may follow suite, understood." Without another word Moody turned around and vanished with a pop.

There was little chat as everyone anticipated the task that lay ahead of them. Tonks slowly inch her way towards Remus but by the time she managed get by his side someone shouted that it was time to leave.

Everyone nodded and in one pop everyone simultaneously dissapparated. With another pop they found themselves standing on a freshly cut lawn. Remus took a moment to take in his surrounding, he could tell he was in a snobby neighborhood with people who spied out their windows 24/7 and trimmed their gardens every hour. Everyone was trying to outdo the other. Remus felt someone shuddered faintly at his shoulder. He looked down and saw Tonks' face go from disgust to deep concentration.

Right when Remus was going to ask if she was alright Tonks' pink spiked hair turned blond and flowed out down pass her shoulders and became pin straight. Her nose was now long and skinny and slightly upturned as she looked at him through cold blue eyes and said in a ridiculously snobbish voice, "I'm sorry but we don't have that in your size." After that Tonks morphed back to herself and turned to look at Remus who was silently laughing.

"You're too much, Nymphadora."

Tonks let the name slide, she was overjoyed that she made Remus laugh, 'He looks so sexy when he's laughing, I wish he'd do it more often.'

"Tonks!" Someone beckoned her from her thoughts, "Let's go!" They hissed. She noticed that everyone had moved to the doorstep, leaving her in the middle of the lawn by herself. She spotted Remus smirking at her still and she blushed when she walked over to the door as Moody silently unlocked it ("Alohamora").

The door to number 11 opened very slowly to reveal its continents. The house was dark and appeared to be empty but they knew better. Everyone crept into the hallway and through the door straight ahead which happened to be the kitchen. How they got a nine wizards and one witch (especially this witch) without making one sound was beyond Remus.

The kitchen was very white and clean, in Tonks opinion it was almost too clean. The whole house seemed to be spotless, 'No wonder why Harry hates it here.' Tonks pondered over the counter. She ran her fingers along the neatly stacked plates when her toe dragged against the floor and she fell forward. Tonks tried to catch herself by laying her palm out on the plate ('Why do I even bother? It never works!') but all this did was send the plate through the air soaring just above Remus' head. He ducked and the plate shattered against the wall behind him.

After everyone froze as one, they strained to hear if anyone had heard the ruckus. Moody turned on her abruptly, "Will you keep it down for once it your life?"

Tonks just stood there ashamed and embarrassed. Remus pointed his wand at the pieces of the plate, "Reparo." The shattered pieces sprang back in place, "See, no harm done."

From upstairs they all heard slow creeping footsteps making their way to the stairs. Moody signaled them to be quite as they followed him into the hallway again. Harry walked down the stairs with his wand at the ready as they all waited for his reaction.


	9. Here Goes Nothing

Tonks' Flat:

"What to wear, what to wear?" Tonks contemplated out loud to her owl, Gordon, (Gordon is a multicolored barn owl. Tonks has had him since he was a baby and they have a rather close owner/pet relationship) who was watching her run back and forth between her closet and her dresser in a blur. She had just gotten out of the shower and had a towel wrapped around her body and her hair. Tonks lived alone in a one bedroom one bathroom flat in the middle of London only a few miles from the Ministry of Magic. She liked living alone but at times like these she could not help but wish that there was another female living there so she could ask someone, besides her owl, for advice.

Tonks stopped in the middle of her room and took a few deep breathes, "Breath, Tonks, breath." Once she had calmed her jitters Tonks came to the conclusion that she would do her hair first. She knew she couldn't go on a date to a fancy restaurant with pink spiky hair, sure she did not care what others thought but she wanted tonight to be about her and Remus, not about what faces the people at the nearest table were making at her. No distractions.

She sat down at her make-up/everything else desk (Tonks was not very tidy and she never put anything in drawers so it all ended up on her desk) and looked in the mirror, "What do you think Gordon, blonde? Or brunette?" In turn she scrunched her face in concentration to change her hair color to try out the colors.

Normally Tonks would not even care to put time into her hair and make-up but she needed to prove to Remus she was not too young for him. Plus a little red lipstick never did anyone harm.

Gordon hooted loudly for the brown hair. Tonks smiled in return, "I was thinking the same. Now let's see." Again her face reflected the utmost concentration as her hair grew shoulder length. Satisfied with her the color and length of her hair, Tonks then began to style it. She parted it zigzag and accented it with a rhinestone bobby pin to clip the side hair away from her eyes, which were a hazel color today. Tonks smiled at herself and then waved her wand in front of her face and within an instant her eyes and lips were brought out with some light make-up. Tonks bat her eyes as her eyelashes suddenly became longer and thicker giving her a flirtatious and playful look.

Gordon, who was perched on top of the mirror watching her owner very attentively, began to flap his majestic wings signaling to Tonks' she had done a good job. "Why thank you, Gordon! Now what shall I wear… something loud, of course, but simple and sexy." Tonks thought hard, she never did care what she looked like in the past but, again, tonight was different. She was going to set aside her rebellious ways and make an exception. It was going to be a special night.

"He is so sweet and lovingly, Gordon. He's very compassionate, funny, a really good listener, he never gets mad, and he's very very adorable!" Tonks exclaimed out loud as she demolished her closet in search for something to wear.

Gordon hooted, "No, not as adorable as you, Gordon, but compared to most men."

Just then a dark green..... Material caught her eye. It was folded in-between the mix of clothes she was going to give to Ginny. Tonks slowly reached for it, as if in a trance. Once free from the stack Tonks gave it a shake and held her breath, it was a lovely dress. Why was she going to give this away? Tonks slipped it on to try it out and when she looked in the mirror Tonks smiled widely, she had cleaned up very nicely.

Tonks checked her watch and saw that it was almost time to go. She quickly grabbed a pair of black flats (she never wore heels on a count of she broke all of them by twisting her ankles and falling) and took a deep breath, "Here goes nothing." And with a pop she was gone.

Meanwhile at 12 Grimmauld Place:

'My God, something must be wrong with this guy.' Sirius pondered as he passed by Remus' door. He could hear him continuously muttering words without consonances, 'He came up here two hours ago to get ready for his date, yes date, and I haven't seen fangs or tail of him (ha-ha). Is that normal for a guy? I mean I know girls take long but, Merlin, TWO hours? And for a man no less? Maybe I should go console him on his manly hood. Steps to getting ready on first date, take two second shower, put CLEAN boxers on and then get dressed, gel hair and for the finishing touch bathe in cologne (who needs deodorant?)... Hey, maybe I should write a book for wizards and male muggles alike. I can see it now... Oh forget it I could never write a book I'm already bored with the idea. Well I'm just gonna knock now.' Sirius proceeded to knock and walked in to find Remus in mid-step still in the same clothes he had on earlier and his hair pointing in all directions, 'Yep, I was right, something's wrong with him.'

"Moony? You might want to stop pacing the same line. Molly wouldn't be too thrilled if you and bits of the ceiling shower down in her food for the meeting."

Remus chuckled nervously, "You're right. I'm just so uptight about this whole thing." As an afterthought he added to himself, 'I could really go for another one of Tonks' massages.'

"What's the reason for being so uptight? You go to dinner, take a walk, then go back to her place, have a little wine and then make love to her. What's so complicated?"

"Make love? Is she expecting me to do that?" Remus shifted from one foot to the other.

"Under no circumstances are you allowed to have hot passionate sex with my cousin."

"But you just sa..."

Sirius smirked, "I know I was joking. But honestly don't tell me about her cause I don't wanna know."

Remus looked lost, "Why are we even talking about this? I'm not going to make love to Nymphadora. I told you it's not a date and besides... that's the furthest thing from my mind."

"Right and you are really not a werewolf." Sirius remarked sarcastically, "I'm sure it is nowhere near the furthest thing from your mind. And if it's not a date then why are you so nervous?"

"I'm going out with the woman I think I'm in love with, who wouldn't be nervous? When I'm around her my stomach twists in knots and I feel as if nothing else in the world exists except me and her. In the moments I look into her eyes it's like we are the only ones alive. And yet in the mix of these emotions, I guess, I feel hurt. It hurts to know I can't love her or be loved by her. I'm a werewolf who is poor and has no future. I can't give all the things she wants and deserves. I can't protect her either. Not to mention the whole Lizzy thing. How will I know she won't just leave me when she finds out how I am when I'm transformed? I'm nervous because I do not want to ruin it and lose our relationship."

"Lizzy? Why are you bringing her up? You need to let that go, Moony. Do you really think Tonks is anything like Lizzy?" Sirius questioned. "Besides if you dwell on Lizzy you will get hurt and you will ruin your present relationship."

Remus ran a hand through his hair guiltily. He knew Tonks would never intentionally break his heart, she was too kind of a person, "No, you're right."

Sirius nodded his head, signaling the subject over, "Now let's get you dressed and cleaned up."

With that Remus took a shower, combed his thinning hair, and was dressed in his better robes within 10 minutes ('that's more like it!' Sirius thought). Sirius watched amused as Remus looked himself over in the full length mirror. He looked anxious and Sirius couldn't blame him. 'All those feelings? Dang, I'm glad I haven't found the perfect girl for me yet, I don't think I could handle that emotional roller coaster.'

"You look dashing old chap," Sirius exclaimed.

"I do?" Remus hesitated, "It's not too much is it?"

Sirius just rolled his eyes and saw Harry in the doorway, "Ah, Harry, does the professor look alright for his first date in years?"

Harry looked awkwardly over at his old professor ('Why are they asking me?') who turned around and did some poses for them, "Um, he looks fine. Who are you going out with, Professor?"

"Just with a friend," Remus couldn't help but feel the heat begin to crush him under his shirt collar, "It's not a date." He added hastily.

Thankfully Remus was saved from Harry's questioning stares by the door bell and, of course, Mrs. Blacks' screams which were right on cue.

"She never fails does she?" Sirius asked them, "I think we should jinx her to sing or something besides calling everyone names. Screaming 'Bloody Mudbloods' is not how I normally like to greet my guests." He and Harry walked out to greet the new comer. Which Remus knew was Tonks.

He stayed behind not wanting to see Tonks just yet. He looked himself over again and saw he was looking rather healthy for this time of month. His face was not as drawn and his eyes weren't so weary. He was dressed in midnight blue robes that only had a few holes in it. 'Sirius and Harry were right. I don't look half bad.' He thought when Sirius called up to him to come down.

Remus looked at himself one more time before he took and deep breath.

"You look fine, now stop worrying and go have a good time." A female voice reassured him.

"Who said that?" Remus questioned as he looked around for a person to match the voice to.

"I'm the mirror." Remus looked at the mirror and saw an eye wink at him, "Now go. Your date a waits."

"Here goes nothing." Remus said as he nodded to the mirror and walked out of the room a little more confident than before. That is until he laid eyes on the stunning creature waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs case. Remus grabbed on to the railing for support so he wouldn't fall down the last few steps. He was suddenly weak in the knees. Tonks looked so beautiful. 'More than beautiful she looks stunningly gorgeous, no that's not the word, breath taking... yes, but... indescribable. She appears to be an angel. No words can describe her beauty.' Throughout the mist of Remus' thoughts a "Wow!" had escaped his lips. Tonks heard it and they both blushed.

Updated: 04/09/09


	10. The Wedding Song on the First Date

A/N: I know you all don't want to hear it but I'm really sorry about the delay. I had some computer problems and health issues this past month that really got me down. But I'm doing better and so is my computer so the story goes on… Thanks for the support and those who have stuck with me =)

Tonks heard footsteps coming towards the stairs. As each step grew closer her heart beat pounded along in the same rhythm with anticipation.

'Remus is coming,' She quickly straightened her dress and ran her hands through her hair. Tonks was overly ecstatic about tonight, she had it all planned out. First they'd go to a restaurant and then take a walk around a nearby park and then hopefully they'd go back to her flat for a drink and if all goes well maybe a little more. 'What are you saying Tonks!' She scolded herself in a voice that reminded her of her mother, 'I know I know. He is just so gosh darn sexy.'

Just then the footsteps paused for a moment and headed back up the stairs.

"Stupid git." Remus mutters, "He is probably going to change his hairstyle for the seventh time."

Tonks could not hide the huge grin on her face. So she was not the only one who had fretted about what to wear. Tonks smirked as she pictured a young gangly teenage Remus nervously smoothing out his golden hair in the mirror before his first date.

Tonks was so caught up in her own little world that she did not notice the very real Remus.

Tonks caught Remus who was anything but a teenage boy in her gaze; he was the man of her dreams and was looking oh so dashing. Tonks observed him with much enthusiasm as he gazed down at her.

His eyes traveled up and down her body that was accented with a flirty short green dress that showed off her curves (How else I am going to seduce him? My charming clumsiness? I think not!).

Being the gentlemen that he is Remus directed his grey eyes quickly back on her face where his they remained.

A small "Wow!" slyly slid out from between his lips. Causing Remus to blush and the butterflies that had been hovering restlessly in Tonks' stomach to scatter as if someone had just ran through it trying to catch them (I picture SpongeBob haha). This simple whisper made Tonks feel beyond exceptional. The whisper and his piercing stare made her feel like she was the only woman alive.

Tonks had never had that feeling with any other man. She was touched by his gentlemen like demeanor but was slightly disappointed by his non wondering eyes. She had dressed for him, it is not every day you'll find Nymphadora Tonks in a dress. It did comfort her to know he wasn't interested into just her body. If he was even interested at all.

'What type of man would not look? He must have no feelings towards you. He is going to walk away any moment.' Tonks heart fluttered and deflated and she could feel a burning behind her eyes.

However Remus glided down the last two steps and made a bee line straight for her. He took her hands in his and smiled a brilliant but timid smile.

"Hello Nymphadora," Remus greeted. Tonks smiled at the use of her first name. Remus and Tonks had come to an unspoken agreement that only he was allowed to call her by that name as long as it wasn't used in excess, "You look lovely!"

It was then that Tonks took the time to appraise Remus' attire. She looked him up and down and saw he was wearing blue robes that appeared to be rather new, very unlike his old tattered ones (A/N He barrowed them from Sirius). He looked very attractive and the robes fit him a little tighter than his other clothing making his physique easier to admirer.

Tonks eyes twinkled with mischief, 'How will I be able to control myself? I just pray there's no alcohol or I might be in trouble.' It was hard enough to keep her distance at meetings with her ever growing attraction now she wasn't sure how she would act alone with him.

Tonks caught her breath as his deep voice rolled over her, 'Is it hot in here or is just me?' Tonks was at loss for words but she couldn't let that show. Nymphadora Tonks was never at a loss for words, "Wotcher Remus! You don't look all that bad yourself, Professor Lupin."

Remus grabbed his cloak getting ready to step out into the night just as Sirius showed up again, "Now, you two go have fun and be safe, ya here," He said in a woman's voice (or at least what he thought was one).

Sirius opened the door for them and whispered loudly to Remus, "You best remember what I told you, Moony. And have her home by 11 just to be on the safe side. So I know you won't get any ideas." Sirius added as he shut the door on them as he laughed with glee at his own joke. He was enjoying filling in the rolls as big brother/mom and dad.

This left Remus rubbing his eyes with his palms in frustration as he exhaled slowly and glanced up to see a very confused Tonks.

"What was that all about?"

"Sirius gave me the hands off speech earlier and he so kindly remembered to remind me of that talk just now." Remus explained in a joking matter.

Tonks stepped closer to him in one slow seductive motion and laid a finger on his chest then she whispered, "Well, are you going to listen to him?" Her finger ran down his chest, making Remus' heart pound, 'Am I?' He knew the question wasn't meant to be answered but he still struggled with his thoughts.

'Maybe it is a date…' He smiled inwardly.

He cleared his throat, "So, um, where are we going?"

Tonks thought for a moment, "I was thinking we could go to a little place me and the girls would go to after Aurora training its right by the Ministry. It's called the Witches Rave; they had great food and live local bands with dancing. Sound good?"

Remus hadn't gone dancing in a while, 'This should be interesting' He pondered as he said, "Lead the way."

Tonks threw him her brightest smile and linked arms with him. She tried concentrating on their desired destination but it was rather hard with the man of her dreams so close. She shook her head to gain control of her thoughts and with a pop they dissaperated and apparated arm in arm in an enclosed alleyway.

The place didn't look very appealing, "Tonks?" He looked over for an explanation, "Where are we? Are you planning on dancing in the streets?"

Tonks rolled her eyes but giggled, "Why Remus I thought you we an intelligent wizard. It's hidden so Muggles can't find it. Since it's in the heart of London they had to hide it somehow so they decided to build it underground."

Remus nodded understanding now, "Well how do we get there?"

"Through here." She stated as she moved over a dumpster with her wand as if were only a feather, to reveal a brightly lit up spiral stair case leading downwards. The quite alley was now fighting to keep the music coming out of the newly found entrance to a minimal.

"Clever," Remus remarked.

Nymphadora laughed, "Yeah." The music stopped and a round of cheering and clapping could be heard. "Let's go!"

They both descended the stairs and when they reached the bottom they were greeted by a young charming looking man, "Tonks!" He rushed over and kissed both of her cheeks. He didn't acknowledge Remus at all as he looked her up and down. Remus felt his fists clench at his side.

'Get a hold of yourself. She's not yours to be jealous over.'

"You look fantastic!"

"Thank you Antonio. It's been so long, how are you?" She started conversation with him as Remus stood by watching.

'Who is this guy?' He wondered as he seized up his opposing male.

As if hearing his thoughts Tonks stepped back over to him and decided to introduce the two men, "Antonio Berman this is Remus Lupin, Remus this is Antonio. Antonio is the owner of this place."

Remus nodded and shook Antonio's hand but didn't return his smile. "Shall I take you to your table now?" Antonio asked.

He put a hand on Tonks' lower back and shuffled her towards a hallway leading to the dining room. However Tonks caught the hint of disturbance in Remus' calm sensitive grey eyes. 'Was Remus Lupin actually jealous?' She smiled inwardly with glee. She shimmied out of Antonio's grip and slowed down to come into step with Remus.

Antonio led them pass the band which was playing a slow song now and to a table near the back. Tonks sneaked her fingers in between Remus' and squeezed gently.

There were a dozen couples swaying to the music on the dance floor. Above them, were there should have been a ceiling, was the night's sky with stars falling down towards them disappearing half way to the floor.

Once they got to their table Antonio pulled out Tonks' chair and tucked her in, "Now if you need anything just call me." He winked at Tonks and strutted back to the entrance. Remus' eyes followed him until he disappeared.

Tonks watched him with amusement, "Sorry about that. I've known him for a long time, we were in school together. He's always trying to get me to go out with him but between you I really can't stand him."

Remus chuckled and leaned back in his chair with slight discomfort, 'I know what you mean.' He muttered to himself. There was something about his host that made him feel uneasy and Remus did not trust him.

"Sir?" Remus looked up and saw Tonks and a waitress looking at him expectantly.

"Sorry what?" He asked with a slight blush.

"Would you like anything to drink?" She repeated nicely.

"I'll have a Red Dragon, please."

"And for you miss?"

"I'll have the same." Tonks stated.

The waitress nodded and conquered a piece of paper with their orders on it and sent it to the kitchen. She left them alone again.

'I hope Tonks does not expect me to dance. I'm a terrible dancer.' Remus thought as he remembered going to a club with James and Sirius and being totally embarrassed.

Just then the room was illuminated with many differen.t array of lights shooting out of nowhere as the music took a different lead. For a second Remus thought they were being attacked but then he saw the whole room get up and cheer as they made their way to the dance floor.

"Come on!" Tonks shouted as she grabbed Remus' hands.

Before he could resist or argue Tonks had him pushed towards the floor and dancing to what he recognized as Western Wizards' latest hit "Save a Dragon Ride a Broomstick." Surprisingly Remus found dancing with Tonks to be very easy. As expected there were a few times Tonks got off balance but that just gave Remus the opportunity to catch her. They moved and laughed together being pushed around by the jumping crowd surrounding and enclosing them closer to one another.

They danced to the next two fast songs when they remembered they ordered drinks so they headed back to their table smiling and joking. Tonks was red in the cheeks and Remus' hair was tousled around in every which way.

"Holy Merlin!" Tonks cried, "I need a drink."

They sat down to their Red Dragons, "Cheers." Remus clicked his drink to hers as they both downed it in one gulp.

"Another round?" The waitresses appeared again and ask.

"That'd be great." They both shouted over the music.

The music slowed down a bit again as their waitress asked if they wanted to order any food. They decided on ordering one plate of shrimp to share since both weren't very hungry after their dancing.

They waited for their food at the table so they could cool down a little. It was pretty hot dancing with the big mob of people.

"So Nymphadora, what do you want to know about me?" Remus asked remembering the reason Tonks purposed they go out, "You've already discovered that I'm a bad dancer."

Tonks stared at him confused, "I don't think you're a bad dancer." Remus snorted at this, "What I'm serious." She protested. On the contrary she thought he was a great dancer. She was waiting for him to ask her to dance again. She loved being that close to him, when he had his hands on her hips as they swayed to the music Tonks felt a shock go through her body.

Remus didn't know how to respond to her honesty but he was saved when their food arrived. They ate and talked. Tonks asked him about what it was like to be a teacher and Remus asked what it was like having to train to be an Aurora. They talked for what seemed like two hours learning more and more about one another. They shared their likes and dislikes, their hopes, dreams, and fear. The topics they discussed were infinite as they shared stories from their childhood all the way to their adulthood. The more they talk the more Tonks began to fall for Remus, if that was even possible. They were so different but so alike.

Remus found Tonks to be really fascinating. Everything about her was completely the opposite of what you'd think, she was so unpredictable but she was so real and completely honest with him. Remus found himself falling more in love with Tonks despite his nagging conscience.

Their chatter came to an end as they sipped on their 4th round of drinks. They were a bit tipsy by now but still had their wits about them. That was when Remus heard it. The band had just come back from a break and was now playing a slow song, which Remus recognized immediately. It was James and Lily's wedding song and he tensed up.

"What's wrong Remus?" Tonks inquired.

"Nothing," He stated quietly, "Um, would you like to dance?"

Tonks knew there was something wrong, she saw it stir behind his eyes, but pushed it away and smiled, "I thought you'd never ask."

Once they arrived on the dance floor again Tonks knew Remus wouldn't know what do to so she decided to take charge. The first time they danced Tonks and Remus were sort of pushed together where as now there were only a few other on the floor and they were spread out. She moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He stiffened a bit but when he looked into her loving eyes he calmed and put his hands right above her hips so they were barely touching. As the music played Tonks became enchanted by Remus' eyes as they gazed at one another.

"This was James and Lily's wedding song." He whispered a minute after swaying with Tonks.

She saw his eyes fill with sadness as the words of the song washed over them. "I'm sorry. I can't even imagine how hard it was for you to lose them."

Remus smiled warmly at her. He appreciated her not saying how she knew how hard it was to lose them because no one knew. Everyone said that they knew how he felt but the only person who really did know was Sirius. The 3 of them shared a special bond that Remus knew not a lot of people had or could understand. When James fell in love with Lily Remus and Sirius fell in love with her too (not exactly in the same way) but when she became James' object of affection Lily received just as much love and protection from Remus and Sirius as she did from James. What was important to one another was important to all of them.

Tonks hugged Remus as they continued to sway around in a circle. She laid her head on his chest and Remus put his chin on her head, "Thank you for tonight Nymphadora. I had a great time."

She lifted her head again and Remus saw her eyes had a special sparkle that wasn't there before. They were so absorbed in each other they didn't even realize the music had drifted to an end. Remus and Tonks moved into each other slowly their lips getting closer and closer when all of a sudden...

"ONE, TWO THREE, FOUR!" The drummer shouted out as he banged his sticks together.

Remus jumped away at the sound. The moment was lost as the band picked up the pace.

He looked over at Tonks who was biting her lip in disappointment and he blushed, "Perhaps we should go."

Tonks nodded as they head back to the table to tip the waitress and collect the bill.


	11. When Their Hands Lose Contact

Tonks was surprised when they were walking towards the exit leading to the stairway to find Remus' warm rough hand slip into hers. It was totally uncharacteristic of him and Tonks was puzzled yet again by this mysterious man. He never ceased to amaze her just when she thought she knew him he'd say or do something that made her doubt her knowledge.

'Don't get too carried away, Tonks,' She told herself, 'It may not be so uncharacteristic when he has several drinks in him.' Again she found herself smiling at the memories that were just made. With or without alcohol they both could not deny that they had had a splendid evening together.

Until now…

"Tonks?" Antonio marched in front of her stopping not only her train of thought but her strides for the door.

Because of this sudden obstruction in their path she also lost Remus' hand; she frowned at Antonio, "Yes?" She answered rather rudely while giving Remus an apologetic look.

"Can I talk to you alone for a moment?" Tonks raised her eyebrows suspiciously, "Just for a moment." He stated acknowledging Remus who stood watching and appearing uncomfortable and out of place.

Remus just shrugged and muttered he'd be waiting outside while Antonio pulled his Nymphadora through a door with an employee's only sign. 'His Nymphadora?' Remus questioned his self, 'She's not mine to claim and this is not a date. I have no reason to be jealous or to deny an old friend a conversation with Tonks.'

Tonks gave him one last longing look and turned to follow her former classmate, 'I shouldn't be leaving Remus. I was actually getting somewhere with him and now he's going to put his guard back up. Why is he always so distant and yet so there? Why is it that when I'm with him...'

"Ah!" Tonks let out a muffled scream.

Antonio took Tonks by the shoulders and pinned her to the wall before she could even process what was happening Antonio had his mouth closed around her lips. She was so caught up in her ponderings she had no time to protect herself or draw out her wand. With Tonks' scream Antonio took full advantage and slipped his tongue in her mouth muffling her cry for help.

Tonks started kicking and biting and waving her arms around but he had her pinned good and had protected himself from her attacks, 'How in bloody hell's name will I get out of this pickle? Please Merlin, send Remus to me!' She cried hard in her mind as Antonio's hands began to move up and down her body stopping at her curves.

Again Tonks fought against him. She managed to head butt him which gave him a bloody nose but did not prevent him from continually assaulting her.

"Imperio." Antonio mumbled in between kisses.

"Stop struggling." Tonks heard a voice in the back of her head whisper to her.

Tonks grew very relaxed. Her muscles loosened and her fist unclenched and her terror vanished. It was like she was floating on a cloud without a thought in her mind but that one telling her to not struggle.

"Very good." Antonio snickered as he kissed down her neck.

This normally would have Tonks tingling with pleasure but the thought of who it was and the thought of who it could be made her want to throw up all her food she ate at his restaurant on his newly shined shoes.

It was this thought that began to drive away the Imperius Curse. It was still on her prohibiting her to fight back but at least she could think for herself and begin to break through Antonio's curse.

'Remus please come.' She tried one last time to get to her wand that was in her dress but failed miserably. Instead she found another hand in her dress.

~~~~~~~meanwhile~~~~~~~~~

"How could I be so stupid? I knew this wasn't a date. I should not have come tonight, I thought she liked me. We almost kissed for Merlin's sake! Now she's gone with that pompous Italian Antonio guy. I've made such a fool of myself!" Remus cried out in frustration. Or was in confusion? Remus had so many mixed up emotions going through his head he didn't know what to make of them.

Remus had been outside in the ally waiting for over 10 minutes.

'Tonks does like you; you saw that look she gave when Antonio took her away? She wanted you to stay by her side.'

"What am I doing?!" Remus questioned himself as he stepped into the warm night's air, "I should have stayed with them and refused to leave, after all she is my date. She also said she did not like him that much."

'Who are you kidding? It wouldn't make any difference; she's not your date.' His conscience began to argue, one side in favor of protecting his heart and the other side trying to persuade him to love and open his heart to Tonks.

'Tonks is a caring person who doesn't seem to mind my furry little problem. She even tented to my ever need until the moment the moon light hit me not to mention the morning after she cared for me with sure tenderness.'

'Must you put yourself in a position to hurt Tonks and your heart? What happens if you bite her or Merlin forbid you kill her when you're transformed?'

'How could I bite her if I love her?' Remus pondered, 'I must protect her and the only way of protecting her is to have her in my sight at all times.'

Without one second of hesitation Remus went back to the restaurant and pushed through the employee's only door he saw Tonks and Antonio last disappeared through. Once inside the hallway Remus determination flew out the window when he saw a topless Tonks with her head thrown back and her eyes closed as Antonio hovered over her placing kisses everywhere he could reach.

Remus stood unnoticed and frozen in his tracks, 'I told you she doesn't care for you.' The wolf taunted. 'How could I have been so stupid!?' Remus shouted at himself. He made his way back to the door when Tonks' eye caught his. They were deep violet pools of pain with a distant sense of determination hidden behind the fear.****

Never before had he seen fear in Nymphadora's eyes, this filled Remus with such anger and hate he lost all control. In a blink of an eye Remus had Antonio thrown and pinned against the opposite wall.

"If you ever lay a finger on her again you better pray to Merlin there'll be something left of you to bury. Understand?" Remus shook him in pure rage as he held Antonio off the floor by his collar.

"What are you gonna do old man?" Antonio taunted.

The moment the last word left his mouth an arm, which was not Remus', swung out of nowhere and right hooked him causing him to slide down to the floor cradling his face in pain.

"Remus is more of a man you'll ever be you lousy son of a bitch!" A female voice screamed.

Remus turned and saw a flaming red haired woman just as she raised her wand and yelled, "Stupefy!" With that the treat of Antonio was put unconscious.

"Nymphadora?" Remus asked apprehensively.

Her anger had subsided and her hair turned back to brown she had her arms clutched around her bare chest as she began to break down in front of him.

Remus made sure not to look at Tonks as he raised his wand and pointed from her to the top part of her dress that appeared to have been ripped off and thrown haphazardly. It instantly repaired itself and appeared back on Tonks. Looking good as new. Tonks however was not. She was breathing heavily and she appeared to be very vulnerable as she continued to clutch herself.

When she noticed her shirt had been repaired she began crying steady tears and Remus did the only logical thing he knew to do, he rushed over and held her close to him in his arms.

"I'm sorry, this never would have happen if I'd only stayed with you or came faster," He whispered lovingly to her holding her together with his words and the warmth of his embrace.

Tonks looked up with red eyes and stared attentively into his eyes, "You did nothing wrong. You saved me and that's all that matters."

Remus smiled and squeezed her into a bigger hug. Tonks felt safe and protected in his arms and she never wanted to leave them. "I'll always be there to save you, Nymphadora, always." He promised.

Tonks' heart soared at these words he meant it. His mysterious gray eyes that usually hid his emotions where now open to her and Tonks looked into his soul. She saw endless love and caring and a bit of fear. The fear that mirrored hers just moments before but his was for a different reason. Tonks was memorized for a moment when suddenly she had a sudden urge to kiss him and without a second thought Tonks reached out and brought Remus' lips to hers.

Remus was totally taken by surprise but before he had time to argue or move his body, his love and passion for Tonks took over.

Tonks was so relieved and excited by Remus' response. Just by this one kiss Tonks' whole body ignited and a sensation she could in no way describe ran all through her.

As if reading each other's wants and needs both deepened the kiss as Remus' hands found their places to rest, one entangled into her soft brown hair, the other on her hip pulling her slightly closer, 'Dear Merlin, what am I doing? This feels so right but it is so wrong.'

Despite his musing Remus could not stop, Tonks was responding in all the right ways as she slid her hand from behind his neck down to his chest. She received a moan which only seems to push things further.

At that moment Tonks pinned Remus against the wall and she began to tease him as she nipped and kissed along his jaw and down his neck at a very slow pace. She could hear Remus' ragged breathing as he tried to gain control but that was one thing Tonks' would not let happen.

"Nymphadora, please," He practically whimpered as her nails raked against his back, "We shouldn't be doing this," He stated rather unconvincing.

"I know you don't mean that and I can feel that you want this just as much as I do," Tonks purred, "Let go, Remus and just feel."

A slow smirk appeared on Remus' swollen lips as he brought her back to his lips. He swapped places with her pushing her against the wall totally oblivious to where they were. Shaking Remus brought his hand to her cheek and slowly and hesitantly dropped it down her neck. They stopped kissing for a moment as Remus looked uncertain and questioning into her eyes. Nymphadora just smiled and took his hand and guided it just above her chest.

Just as Remus was about to reach his target Tonks noticed the door swinging open. Quickly Tonks pulled Remus to her as tight as she could and apparated them to her flat.

A/N Please review. Good or bad feedback is welcome I just need some kind of feedback. All these chapters up until now were prewritten so now I need some true inspiration. So how about it? I know I'm not worthy but please do me the honor!


	12. More of a Dog

"Oomph!" Remus groaned as he fell to the floor which was thankfully carpeted.

He looked up and saw Tonks dangerously teetering on the spot and just when Remus thought she had gained her footing she slipped to the floor beside him.

"Clumsy apparating skills too, aye?"

"Ha ha. Had a nice trip, did you?" Tonks rolled her blood shot eyes and stuck out her tongue.

"Real mature, Tonks." He teased.

Tonks started to inch her way over to Remus. "You alright," Tonks probed, "I didn't mean to send you flying to the ground it just all happened so fast. I could not get a good grip. I'm sure you deserved it though. There must be some sin you have yet to pay for." She wiggled her eyebrows at him as she leaned in closer still to him. "Like that sinful kiss you were giving me back there."

Remus shook his head with a sad chuckle. "My dear Nymphadora there are many sins I have yet to pay for."

Tonks gave him an incredulous look but shrugged it off. She puckered her lips and closed her eyes with intent to continue their previous activity.

However Tonks felt a finger to her lips rather than the delectable lips of Remus. She opened her eyes slowly and noticed the playful aura around them dissipating quickly. A sigh emanated from Tonks as she anticipated the talk that was sure to follow this awkward silence. Should she tell Remus everything? Was she even ready to talk about this? All she really wanted to do was kiss Remus senseless and get lost in the feel of his body so she could forget everything that had happened.

In conclusion with her thoughts Tonks roughly put her lips on Remus'. He did not struggle or push her away nor did he not respond in any other way. She tried to scoot up to his embrace but his arms did not move to indulge her in her fantasy.

"Tonks." He said her name as a warning, "This is serious. I will not be a tool in your plot to forget what happened."

"But you're not a tool, Remus," She protest. How could he think she was just using him to forget about her problems?! "I really do…"

"Ahem, no matter, it is unhealthy to avoid something this serious. You need to talk to someone if not me then someone else." Remus interrupted and took on a very businesslike manner.

Tonks was not sure whether she liked this or not and her face must have shown because Remus smiled sweetly at her from a sitting position on her rug. His eyes were bright with worry and hurt.

"_Are _you okay?" He inquired in a low voice.

There was a moment of uncertainty while Tonks chose her words wisely. "It is not even the fact of what he was trying to do, which don't get me wrong, was horrible, but it was the fact that I was utterly helpless. I'm an Aurora for Merlin's sake and I could not even protect myself against a common man," Tonks eyes began to water, "How am I suppose to protect others against Death Eaters?! I've done the training I've resisted the Imperius Curse before but just not this time. I don't know what came over me. I should be prepared for an attack and be able to remain calm but I couldn't all I could think about," She wavered, "Was how I wished I was with you."

"I am so sorry I did not come sooner Tonks. I cannot believe he used the Imperius Curse on you. What a sick twisted pr…"

"It is okay it was not your fault at all. I should have taken you to a different restaurant. I should not have even needed your help. I should have been the one to throw him across the room. I feel so violated and stupid! I should have never even gone with him in the first place. It was not even my clumsiness that prevented me from overtaking him." Tonks clutched her fist. "It was because I was weak."

"You are not weak." He retorted with such force it caused Tonks to sit up. "You eventually fought off the Imperius curse otherwise you would have not been about to communicate your fear to me. You are the strongest women I have come by, Nymphadora." He smiled and enveloped her in a huge hug which she received with much gusto. As an afterthought he said, "Well maybe Molly is just a tad bit stronger. She did have seven kids but you're young. You have time to catch up with her."

Tonks swatted his arm, "I could not wake up with myself if I knew I had passed along my clumsiness to another human being, let alone seven?!"

They laughed together at the thought of Tonks busing seven multicolor haired children around London with all of them tripping over flat ground as they went on their merry way. This image helped lift the serious atmosphere a bit.

"I suppose I should report that… what was it that you called him?… 'sick twisted prat' in the morning." Tonks smiled lightly and Remus gave her a concerned look, "I'm fine, honestly. I just need to recuperate a little and maybe scrub myself clean in the morning. Would you like some tea?"

"I really think I should head on out, you look tired. It has been a long day and I think you should get some rest."

"Fair enough." Tonks stated and tapped her dress with her wand so that it transformed into her baggy tee and sweat pants. Her makeup vanished and her hair grew short and pink again, "Only if you tuck me in old man." She added this bit to entice her prey and with those words Tonks tapped his nose and ran for her bedroom.

"Nymphadora!" Remus yelled as he chased after her.

He came to a halt before her bed and glanced around with sharp eyes keeping watch for Tonks who seemed to have disappeared. The lights were off and all that seemed to be moving was the picture of Tonks and her parents hanging on the wall by her desk. Having never been in Tonks' room prior to this occasion HaHHRemus scanned the room. It was nothing short of a mess she had clothes, books, papers, and other such items sprawled out on her floor. It was fairly plain and only contained a few bits of furniture. To the right of her bed were the desk and the picture and to the left of it was a small bookcase and dresser. Intrigued by what types of books Nymphadora might be reading Remus made his way over to the book shelf.

"Oomph!"

Remus had only managed to get one step towards the books before he was ambushed by Tonks and was plowed into her bed at full force. She had come out from behind him like a tackler on an American football team and now she was sprawled out on top of him laughing very hard.

"You're heartless." Tonks heard his muffled voice say from under her as he grimaced in pain while she was not looking. Tonks maybe tiny and pixie like but when you're on the other end of her attack you would think a dozen elephants had just trampled over you. It was very disorientating.

Tonks shifted off him and lifted his face, which was implanted into the mattress, off the comforter, "Wotcher Remus!" She smirked.

"You realize that was the second time you've knocked this old man to the ground?" He groaned.

"It is good for you, clears the sinuses." She giggled again, "You should be thanking me." She said matter-of-factly.

"I was not aware they were in need of cleaning but I do recall other more healthy and friendly ways of going about the business of cleaning one's sinuses."

He stared her down in the most solemn face he could muster before they both broke down in fits of laughter again. This went on for several minutes until they finally fell silent and content with lying next to one another consumed in their own thoughts.

'Man tonight was fantastic!' Tonks thought to herself as she reminisced over the events leading up to tonight, 'Is it alright that I'm actually happy about what Antonio did? I suppose happy is not exactly the right word, but if it wasn't for him Remus and I may not have shared that breathtaking kiss.' She smiled as she remembered the passion that flew between the two of them in the heat of the moment, 'How can he think that I was just using him to get the taste of disgusting Antonio off me? I felt real passion. I would love to feel that again.'

'She is so prefect.' Remus thought as his memories of the night flashed through his mind's eye. He could not recall having this much fun in a while or having such a great kiss… 'Did it mean anything? No.' He answered himself almost too quickly, 'She needed to forget about Antonio and I was the only guy around at the time. It was adrenalin and nothing more but, holy Merlin, she was a damn good kisser.'

"Remus?"

"Hum?"

"Do you remember when we kissed back at the restaurant?" Tonks questions tentatively.

Remus was silent for a moment. 'This girl is a mind reader too.'

"Yyyes." He confirmed hesitantly.

"Did… Did you feel anything?" Her voice broke, "I mean to say… I did not just kiss you to forget about Antonio… I kissed you because. Well. Because I really do like you. A lot." She took a big gulp of air as she waited to hear his response.

"Nymphadora… I do not really know what I am suppose to say." He answered truthfully he was shocked at her forwardness.

"At least say you'll kiss me again."

With that she angled her face up to his face so that their lips could meet in a slow chastised kiss which was equally breathtaking as the last. Both melted into the other quickly but they did not go any further this time. The moment was too sweet. It was pure bliss as their lips met in a soft angel's kiss.

Their lips broke apart and they leaned their foreheads together breathing as one.

"You are too much for me Nymphadora."

A smile crept on her lips, "And yet that is why you like me so much."

He shook his head in defeat, "Let's talk about this another time." He pulled back his forehead to reach up and touch his lips to the place where his forehead had been resting, "Now is the time to say goodnight and step away like the gentleman I am."

Remus slowly got up from the bed and looked down at Tonks lying there looking up at him. It was pathetic. Tonks had her head tilted to the side and her lips puffed out as if to give Remus the puppy dog face.

"You are pathetic." He teased.

"Will you stay with me?" She questioned quietly, "I don't want to be left alone with my thoughts right now. And being here with you tonight has made me forget and helped me feel safe. I don't want to lose that. I'm afraid if you leave it will hit me harder and I won't be okay anymore."

A complex look appeared on Remus' scar filled face. He seemed to be pondering this over very thoroughly and just when Tonks thought he was going to deny her he simply answered, "Okay." How could he deny her after all the things she has done for me, "In the morning I'll go with you to report Antonio. Sound good?"

She nodded and he transfigured his robes into more comfortable clothing he could actually sleep in and climbed into Tonks bed again. They lay there again but this time they were not bothered with thinking instead they were just taking in the situation, the simplicity of just sleeping side by side for just one night but the complexity that was sure to ensue in the morning and thereafter.

"You know, I was just thinking, you are more like a dog then a werewolf."

Remus looked over at her in the dark with an eyebrow raised, "Is that so?"

"Yeah. I mean, hear me out. You _fetched_ my top, and me for that matter, at the restaurant, you _sicked_ Antonio because he was a threat to me and when I asked you to _stay_ you stayed. I'm sure if I were to ask you to _sit_ you'd sit too." She chuckled light heartedly.

Remus laughed out loud, "You make a good argument but I can assure you. On full moon I am very much a werewolf and I am very--"

"Dangerous." Tonks cut him off with a laugh, "Yes I know I know. Now_ rollover_ a bit, will you? I need some more room."

Remus nudged his sleeping companion a bit before he, naturally, obliged and scooted over. They both smiled as they settled in. Tonks took Remus hand in hers like she did back at the restaurant and whispered a small "Goodnight." As they both drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

a/n:

Thanks so much to all my lovely readers and reviewers (which aren't many but that just means they receive more love) this chapter is for you. It is fresh out of my hard drive and was not previously written like the others so I would appreciate some feedback.

Also I will be out of town next week for a whole week so I won't have my computer but I'll keep writing and hopefully have another chapter or two to post when I get back. Hope all the American readers had a Happy 4th of July!


	13. A Single Tear

The next morning was surprisingly not awkward. They woke up got some breakfast and Remus escorted Tonks to the Auror office, not to work but to provide the Aurors with work in finding Antonio. And after they went on living as friends and never really mentioned the events of that night.

As the weeks crept by Tonks forgot all about those dreadful moments with Antonio and focused all her energies on deciphering Remus' codes he gave her from that night. He really was a man of mystery. She analyzed the way Remus had reacted to her that night over and over in her head. The way he had pushed her away but kept her close at the same time, the way the expressions on his face flashed when he saw her with Antonio and the way he seemed to be all serious but in there passionate kiss he was burning just as much as she was. That had to mean that there was hope. She saw it. She felt it in his touch and in his kiss.

"_You are too much for me Nymphadora._" He had said to her.

This had to mean there was hope. Their relationship was not forgone it was just pushed to the sidelines to wait for another day.

Like Remus had said: "_Let's talk about this another time._"

So in the mean time Tonks waited patiently with a smile on her face. She felt Remus would talk to her in due time when he was ready. Her focus was Remus, knowing everything about him and becoming comfortable as friends and taking care of him on full moon. And as a result she would break Remus, she could feel it.

Three months had come to pass since Remus and Tonks date and all was well. Antonio was finally apprehended after 3 weeks of being tracked. Remus got an odd job at a muggle bookstore near the entrance to the Leaky Caldron, this way he could also keep an eye out for any known Death Eaters coming and going. Harry was retrieved from the Dursley's safely and the hearing went smoothly. Soon after this Harry and the other children left quarters to return to Hogwarts.

Molly and Arthur also vacated their room at Grimmauld Place. They were still around a lot but there was no need to live there now that the kids were gone on account that they could apparate and dissapparate as they pleased.

The Order was making headway with Snape's insight and they were still heavily recruiting. The Prophecy was safe and now so was Harry thus the Order could relax just a tidbit. However there were a few things that still needed to be worried about, beside the fact that Voldemort was out there somewhere, Hagrid was still missing and the Ministry was interfering at Hogwarts and Sirius was growing evermore restless.

The latter was what bothered Remus and Tonks the most. Sirius, Remus and Tonks were often found in the living room after meals playing wizard's chess and drinking firewhiskey. They grew ever close swapping stories that ranged from their childhoods to their time at Hogwarts moving on into their more recent years. It was Remus and Tonks' special job to keep Sirius at bay and in check.

Remus and Tonks tried everything to keep Sirius content and in the house. Both worried for his insanity and prayed every time they left him alone that he would not do anything stupid and leave the house. Tonks ended up staying at headquarters with Remus and Sirius for the past 2 weeks in a row as a reinforcement after Sirius received a letter from Harry saying his scar had hurt. He was trying to weasel his way out of the house to come to Harry's aid and with full moon approaching Tonks' knew Remus needed her assistance.

Tonight was the 4th full moon Remus and Tonks have had together. It had become somewhat of a ritual, every time she would stay with him until the last possible second before his transformation took hold and every morning she would be waiting at the door until he was decent and she would come in to clean him up and give him her secret potion which Sirius had pet named the 'Tonksie Tonic.'

But tonight was different. Being friends with Tonks after that fate full night was both easy and hard. It was easy to fall back in the normal routine that they had prior with Sirius but it was hard to ignore the nagging voice in his head that was telling him to snog her senseless and finish what he had started some months ago.

It got even harder when two days ago at breakfast Tonks received a letter. And not just any letter, it was a letter from a bloke. As they ate their biscuits Tonks told Remus about a guy named Landon who she had just started seeing. He was from the Department of Transportation. It wasn't anything serious but he was nice enough she had said. His letter was an invitation to accompany him to a dinner party the night of the full moon.

"Looks like there will be some secrets in this relationship." She chuckled as she wrote a decently lengthened reply right in front of Remus saying she would not be able to attend, "I just hope he doesn't think that I am a werewolf when he notices it's a full moon." She giggled again.

Of course Tonks was only doing this to try and stir a reaction from Remus. Sure she had coffee with Landon the other day but she had no intentions of letting it go any further than that. All she got was the cold shoulder. It was something but not the reaction that she had hoped for.

Remus found this new Tonks very annoying. He was very agitated now not only because of the transformation looming over him but because the woman he liked, a lot, was now gloating about a young guy that she was seeing and possibly snogging. Of course he had no right to be upset but in his current state it can only be expected that he did not think through his emotions.

It was now the night of the full moon and Sirius sat by watching as Remus was staring attentively at the fire and Tonks was reading a book but her eyes did not seem to be moving much. Sirius had not seen them together much the past day or two which was odd. On a normal day they would be animatedly conversing nonstop and laughing over stupid inside jokes. At times it made Sirius want to throw up.

They had half an hour or so before it would be time to lock Remus in his room. All was still as the last rays of sunlight continued their feeble attempt and warm the bitter cold November air. Sirius could no longer handle the silence.

"You up for another fun filled full moon howling at the moon, Moony?" Sirius asked, as they sat on the arm chairs around the fire, bringing Remus back to the present.

Remus waved his hand as a response. He looked very haggard indeed. Something was wrong with him. Sirius had been sensing this over the past month and the air between Remus and Tonks seemed a bit too chilly.

"That was a tongue twister. Hey Tonksie try saying that three times fast. Fun. Filled. Full Moon. Fun. Filled. Full Moon."

Sirius continued to try as Tonks smiled half heartedly, "Fun… yeah." And with that she walked out of the room.

"What's with her?" Sirius questioned and Remus just shrugged his shoulders, "Hey, do you mind if I transform with you tonight, mate?"

"I think I could use some company tonight. However I hate to disappoint but the Black's architect was very bland with no imagination or talent what so ever, there are absolutely no hidden passageways out of my tiny room. It appears like it will be a dismal night" They shared a knowing smile knowing that they'd have a good time hidden passways or not. "But I'd be honored just the same, Padfoot."

"Well considering there are no passageways to terrorize, I guess we'll just have to occupy ourselves in a different way. I vote by me kicking your ass in a wrestling tournament. Claws versus Claws."

Remus laughed really hard at this as Sirius did a martial art move, or at least what he thought was a martial art move, for affect and fell off the couch. "Why do you bother? You know on full moons I beat you every time."

"Pshh. We'll see about that tonight." Sirius sneered.

"You're on in…" Remus checked his watch, "Fifteen minutes. Guess I should tell Tonks we're heading upstairs."

"Speaking of… What's the deal with you? You've been all tense and I've noticed you're not talking to Tonks much anymore. You've been quite out there if I do say so myself. You've been reading those Muggle books at work, haven't you?"

"Yes I have but that has nothing to do with it." Remus stated defiantly as he walked out of the room in search of Tonks determined to ignore Sirius' question and not make the upcoming conversation with Tonks awkward.

"My favorite is Peter Pan."

"Huh?" He questioned her flustered by her sudden appearance.

"My favorite Muggle book to read is Peter Pan."

"Oh." Remus replied dully, so much for avoiding the awkwardness, "Um, right. Sirius is going to transform with me. We're heading upstairs now. You don't have to come up if you don't want to."

With that he took off up the stairs, his face ablaze. 'Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." Remus thought to himself, about himself and his actions. 'I can say that three times fast.'

He reached the landing and his door slightly out of breath. "Let's go." He growled as he opened the door for the black dog that appeared at his feet.

They stepped in the empty room (they vanished the furniture for full moon and make it reappear after… much easier then moving it in and out) and Remus turned the lock and fastened the multiple latches above his head.

"Remus wait!" A voice called from the other side of the door.

He hesitated, "What do you want Nymphadora?"

"Open the door, Remus!" She said with a slightly harder tone.

He undid the security measures and opened the door to reveal a very disheveled and uncomfortable looking Tonks.

"Look I'm sorry about the other day. I can't stand to feel like we are fighting on full moon." He rolled his eyes at her, "You can't push me away." She said in a weak voice.

Remus sighed. He knew he was behaving like a two year old and did feel a horrible prang in his heart the whole time they weren't speaking to each other, "It is okay. No worries." He said sincerely.

Tonks shook Remus' hand after she tripped over her feet on her way over to his outstretched hand, "Sorry." She mumbled and he laughed at her, "So I'll see you in the morning?" She asked.

"You don't have to take care of me, you know." He stated with a shadow of a smile on his face. He felt like he was becoming a burden to her. It was his fault she wasn't at a party right now, "I've cleaned up after myself many a times before you came along. Go to your dinner party. It'll be fine. And we are fine so you don't have to worry. I'll still talk to you in the morning."

"No!" She said forcefully, "I _will_ be here bright and early to help you Remus. And you _will_ not fuss while I am fussing over you. Understand?"

He was silent for a moment before he laughed out loud, "Well then, I guess I'll see you then." With that he kissed her cheek and shut the door in one fluid motion. Tonks could hear the locks and latches once more and smiled to herself.

'He kissed me!' She thought to herself as she hobbled her way across the hall to get her book out of her room.

And that was her last happy thought of the night. She heard a loud intake of breath from the other room followed by a howl of pain. Tonks froze mid step in the hallway and accioed the book to her. She shakily ran back to the room where Remus was now transforming behind. With her back against the opposite wall, she sank to the floor grabbing her knees and pulling them up to her chin as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Large shadows could be seen withering in pain from the crack at the bottom of the door and Tonks willed herself to be strong for Remus.


	14. Desperation

Only moments after Remus secured the door he began to transform. It was always hard for Sirius to watch as his best friend cried out in pain as hair grew out of all places possible on his body. Tonight Sirius watched from the corner of the room as Remus' spine cracked breaking itself only to be recreated more elongated to accommodate his two additional legs. There was nothing Sirius could do expect wait for Moony to come out and the pain to subside.

Because of Tonks' intrusion Remus had not had enough time to take off his clothes so when Moony's whimpers subsided and Sirius looked up he found a werewolf playfully tearing apart the already mutated cloth on the floor that surrounding him. It always surprised Sirius how fast Moony could bounce back. One second he is howling in excruciating pain and the next his yellow eyes are gleaming with excitement.

Sirius got on his haunches and waged his tail enticing Moony. They growled at one another as Moony walked around the big black dog that was Sirius. Sirius remained still as Remus seized him up. When it was all four of the Marauders James was then biggest so Remus did not feel the need to establish dominance, he was easier subdued with the threat of a larger animal but now that it was just the two of them Moony made a big performance every time of showing this black dog who was boss.

So Sirius waited. After circling Padfoot a total of five times he stopped and howled at the moon. When he was done with that he turned his back on Sirius and trotted over to the door and began whining.

'This is odd.' Sirius thought as he got up and strolled over to Moony. He nudged him with his snout and got Moony's attention once more.

Moony growled and a fight broke out. It was all for fun and games but Sirius did feel a bit more muscle in Moony's punches (for lack of a better term). After ten minutes of this Remus finally threw Padfoot to the way side and did a little jig on his hind legs, a victory dance per say.

The Wolfsbane potion kept Remus' head in check but he was still a werewolf. His thirst for blood was in check but his rational was not the same. He was more wolf than anything; all his human thoughts were like a very fuzzy radio station. It was annoying for him to dwell on these human thoughts just as it is annoying to listen to static so he tended to let the wolf take over and let his senses unfold. However Remus did recall the argument he had had with Sirius in the den not even an hour ago about him winning the fight.

Moony howled again and more or less chuckled as he taunted his dog friend sneering at his failure to bring him down yet again. Sirius growled and pounced on Remus once again but at that moment Moony had caught a scent in the air. The same scent that he smelt every time he transformed. There was something about this smell that had soothed him the past few times he had been out and he felt secure. All the other times Moony had felt tense and had a feeling he was being hunted but this smell gave him peace and seemed to tell him that everything was going to be okay.

It was maddening him not to know the source of the smell but Moony had always let it slip his mind in the past. But not tonight. Tonight the scent was off. Different. Something was wrong and Moony desperately wanted to find the source of the smell and being it comfort in return.

Moony shoved Padfoot once again and walked over to the door once more. He sniffed at the crack the door and the floor created. The smell was right outside if only he could reach it. He pawed at the ground for several minutes. Sirius tried multiple times to catch his attention and stop his desperate clawing but Remus refused to be distracted something he wanted was out there but he didn't know what or why.

After another 30 minutes of clawing Moony began to see that this was a lost cause. Sirius had given up shortly before that and they both curled up Moony by the door and Sirius in the middle of the floor. He was watching Moony apprehensively. This was the first time the wolf seemed to be incapable of being distracted. Never before had he kept his interest on one thing for more than 20 minutes. Moony was very adamant on getting out and Sirius knew why.

Tonks was outside. She waited up all night by the door, reading a book normally. Sirius had smelt her in the past and had seen her do this as well but it had never affected Remus. And what worried Sirius was not that Moony was trying to get out but why he was so obsessive. He did not feel Moony was trying to attack the smell instead Sirius sensed more of a yearning in the wolf to be near the smell.

'Does he know that Tonks is outside?' Sirius thought to himself. He whined at the wolf in one last attempt to reengage his attention but he just responded by staring back at Sirius with haunted eyes.

He turned back to the door and started trying to claw his way out again.

It was nearly time for Remus to return to his true form and Tonks was busy in the kitchen putting together a tray with a hot and cold cloth, bandages and a glass of water to help the draft of 'Tonksie Tonic' go down. Tonks' eyes were red and blood shot. Normally she did not have trouble staying up all night on full moon but this morning she felt uncommonly downtrodden and tired. The whole night Tonks had to endure the whimpers of Remus on the other side of the door as her heart whimpered in return.

All night Remus remained by the door, which was odd. It broke Tonks' heart to watch Moony's feeble attempts to dig his way out of the hard wood floors. He tried all night with an occasional break in between. She watched his powerful paws claw in earnest at the floor. Halfway through his paws had began to bleed and all Tonks could do was watch. His desperation became hers. She wanted to be in there with him and make she he was all right and that they were going to be alright. She struggled to remain strong though and beat herself up when she felt tears coming on again. 'For Remus. Be strong for Remus.' She chanted in her head. It was an ongoing battle through the night.

When he would take a break from trying to claw his way out Moony would lay by the door with his fur popping out of the crack. And Tonks dared to reach out and brush her fingertips lightly against his gray fur. It was surprisingly soft and even more surprisingly enough she did not stir the beast with her clumsiness. She willed her strength and comfort to flow through her fingertips to him.

Tonks' grabbed her tray and started up the stairs to begin her post full moon ritual.

She stopped, 'On second thought…'

Her wand came out and she performed a simple yet affective wingardium leviosa charm on the tray so her hands would be free if her feet failed her which they did more often than not.

Tonks and the tray reached Remus' room just in time to hear his screams of pain for the last time on this full moon. Tonks closed her eyes as her hand shot out to touch the door as if willing it to turn into Remus' back which was most likely, at that moment, breaking for the second time that night.

Five minutes passed as Tonks patiently waited outside as she listened to Sirius' two feet rushing around the room to make the bed reappear with his wand and to get some clothes on Remus.

"You can come in now Tonks." Sirius said.

Tonks turned the handle and walked in the room. Remus was lying unconscious in his bed bruised and beaten while Sirius stood in the corner surveying Tonks in a very unnerving way. She ignored his stare and went to work on Remus' hands which were covered in dry blood and began dabbing his head with the cold cloth trying to coax him back into consciousness.

Remus began to stir and mumbled something as he fought to open his eyes. Sirius snapped his eyes away from his cousin to look at his friend. Something was troubling Sirius and just when Tonks thought he was going to say anything he walked out of the room.

"Nymphadora." Remus whispered as he woke and looked at the angel above him.

"Shhh. Drink this first." She told him.

Tonks tenderly propped him up on the pillow and held the tonic for him as he drank. She was so near him Remus couldn't help but breathe her smell in.

'Her Smell.' Remus thought in alarm and he choked on the tonic sputtering as he tried to get away from Tonks.

"Um." Remus began. He was very nervous and he did not know what to do. He knew that smell, her smell. All night long it had filled his nose and consumed his thoughts but he had not known it was her scent all that time. What had happened? What had he done?

He quickly checked her over and noticed no bruising or hairs out of place. In fact she looked truly exceptional apart from her blood shot eyes. Was she in the room during the transformation?

"Hi." He said lamely.

"Wotcher!" She exclaimed. Her cheerfulness seemed a bit forced to Remus.

"How do I look, doctor?" He questioned.

"You faired pretty well expect for your hands. You did a lot of digging last night."

"Digging?"

"Yeah. Sirius wanted new hardwood floors so he placed bones underneath the floor boards in hopes that you would dig them up along with the floorboards."

Remus raised his eyebrows and tried to sit up so he could see the damage he created, "Sit back down." Tonks snapped, "I was joking."

"Oh." Remus said. He was still too dazed and tired to continue his conversation. He would ask Sirius what had happened later, "Why are your eyes so red?" He inquired.

"Oh I just had trouble sleeping." She answered flustered as she refused to look him in the eye. She busied herself by re-inspecting his now clean hands.

Not satisfied with her answer Remus tried to grab her attention once more. "Nymphadora?" He asked took her hand and squeezed it.

"Yes?"

He stopped himself from pushing more answers out of her and instead went for, "You're the best nurse and friend a werewolf could ever wish for."

"Damn straight." Tonks smiled as relief flowed through her. She wouldn't have to answer Remus' question right now. She needed to get her head on straight; she was way too emotional right now. "You look tired Remus. You are all healed up and now all you need is rest."

With that she gently squeezed his arm, gathered her things and walked out the door tripping only once leaving a smiling Remus with a lot on his mind.


	15. What about my needs?

A/N: I keep forgetting to do this because when I finish my chapter I get so excited and post it asap but anyways I am not JK Rowling all the characters, spells and other Harry Potter related words belong to her.

Also thank you so much to my faithful reviewers: mangotango101, Mcbnotredame7, JellyTot-x, FaithfulHPReader, Dozey212, MystTonks, -, Artisticmom2, Purplpocadots13, xxAllTheWorldsAStagexx and royal rival THIS IS FOR YOU!

"Good afternoon."

Sirius raised an eyebrow over his daily prophet and tea at his best friend who was poised against the doorway, "'Good afternoon?' That's all you have to say for yourself?"

"That's not fair Padfoot. I don't know what happened and you know it." Remus was still feeling a bit peaky but he was up on his feet after he had had a good nap. He did not know if he could handle Sirius' rants right now while he had other things on his mind…

"I'll tell you what's not fair." Sirius said who waved his hand to motion for Remus to sit across from him. With his other hand he waved his wand at the tea pot and glided it to Remus as he took the seat, "Me being locked in a room with you all night listening to you whining until daybreak. That, my friend, is unfair. We only got one good fight in, where's the entertainment in that I ask you? I needed a night of fun and you couldn't give me that. What about my needs? I have needs too Remus."

"I didn't meet your needs." Remus repeated as an afterthought. Once Remus had returned to human form the memories from the night before became very blurry and he could only recall very strong feelings or senses the wolf had experienced. He did recall a sense of desperation and uneasiness but was he really whining about it? "Would you please explain to me how I did not meet your needs last night and why I was allegedly whining the whole time?"

"Well first off I'd like to say you did not win our one and only fight fair and square last night. I demand a rematch next full moon!" There was the sarcasm and hint of laughter Remus was waiting for so he just rolled his eyes at this for Sirius had been saying that every day after the full moon since their 6th year.

'He's so god damn stubborn.' Thought Remus.

"Second off you should know that the past few full moons, after Tonks prepares everything for the transformation and leaves you locked in, she sits outside the door and waits up all night for you to become Remus again."

This bit of information had nearly knocked Remus out of his chair. The playful air the room had held moments before was wafted away at these words and was replaced by a very grim aura that reeked with tension.

Remus had always wondered why Tonks' eyes appeared blood shot when she would come in and tend to him in the morning. And his brain was not about to try and wrap around the concept of someone losing sleep over him. He just did not get it. He was much older than Tonks _and_ he was a werewolf. She also knew he could not offer her anything and yet she kept pushing herself at him. Even when he wasn't himself.

Remus' muscles tightened and everything in his body stilled aside from his head which dropped down towards the table, "I knew she was there." He whispered. "I knew it was her." He shouted, "Damn it!"

"You tried to get out all night long. I couldn't get you away from the door. You were relentless in trying to get to her. It was quite pathetic actually." Sirius finished nonchalantly.

Sirius knew Remus very well and he was positive that if he kept up his offhand attitude towards the scenario Remus would blow. Sure Sirius was serious in his attempts to get Remus to realize his love for his cousin but he was also keyed up to entice a reaction from him. The only way to pull information from the depths of Remus' soul was to get him angry and Sirius had perfected the art and he often took enjoyment out of the Remus blowing up part. Remus was sure to get very pissed. And Sirius was not disappointed…

Remus stood up from his chair swiftly which caused the chair to overturn. His wand was in his hand and out flew an array of red and yellow sparks, "Why was she there?! Who does she think she is? Where is she?! Why I ought to… I didn't ask her to wait up for me you know." Remus was boarder line yelling.

"And that's exactly why she does it." Sirius interrupted him firmly. "And as to where she is… I heard her mumbling something along the lines of 'stupid constant diligence' so I can only assume Mad-Eye called her into the Auror office for some reason."

The first bit of information calmed Remus down a bit which allowed him to not only regain his composure but also channel the emotions from the night before through his brain so he could sort this out on his own. The thoughts did not seem possessive of Tonks nor had he had a strong desire for flesh and blood. So why was the wolf desperate to get to Tonks? There was no such thing as imprinting with werewolves, 'Thank Merlin!' Remus thought, 'I'd be in a world of trouble then.'

"Perhaps…" Sirius butted into Remus' thoughts, "Perhaps it's one of those emotional setbacks. Like when you have horrible transformations because of being emotionally burdened or what have you. I mean you act like this right after you had a quarrel with Tonks and on all the previous full moons you never noticed her there. And she was the last person you had an intense conversation with before your transformation. Don't think I didn't notice the way things got weird between you two. Something has changed between the two of you and it is so obvious to everyone around that you both share feelings for the other. Why can't you admit you love her? You're emotionally burdening yourself mate. You need to loosen your white knuckled grip on your brain and think more with your…" Sirius paused for effect and smirked knowingly at him the way guys do, "Heart. Maybe this is the way your inner self is crying out to go and get some!"

Remus laughed out loud at this, "Unlike yours, Padfoot, my hormones are perfectly in check. It was something more in depth then getting some." Remus paused and then the following words came out of his mouth as if someone else had spoken them, "The wolf knew I was worried about Tonks. She was the last human contact I had had before transforming and the emotions I felt for her were deep. He knew I had hurt her and the guilt was still with me. I just wanted to make sure we'd be okay in the morning. I wanted to protect her and comfort her." It was like someone else was speaking those words from Remus' body.

He added as an afterthought, "Like she comforts me every day." A light bulb suddenly went off in his brain, "I need to see her."

With that Remus downed his drink and stuffed a biscuit in his mouth and walked right out of the kitchen leaving Sirius to finish the morning paper with a newly formed smirk on his face.

"Glad we had this talk, Sirius." Remus head popped back in.

Sirius just lifted his glass in acknowledgment and murmured, "Go get her." After he had left.

Remus felt the adrenalin pulse through his veins as he hustled over to the courtyard where he would be able to apparate to the ministry.

'Wow I cannot believe I am really doing this.' Remus thought to himself as he slowed his pace, 'Wait. What am I really doing? I need to see her, yes, but what am I going to say? Do I tell her I might possibly and unknowingly be falling in love with her? Or do I reprimand her for losing sleep over me and staying just outside of harm's way all night long? And if I do tell her I might possibly and unknowingly be falling in love with her where will we go from there? Does she even like me?' Remus' mind was a whirlwind of questions.

These are the types of questions constantly circulate his mind almost 24/7 and that is the reason why he is so thoughtful and soulful. He hardly ever does anything on a whim anymore. Every word and every step is carefully calculated in his mind to ensure his heart is not crushed and to ensure the people that he loves are protected.

So by acting on this new revelation to go see Tonks at work, will his heart end up broken once again or will those he loves be unprotected and hurt in return? The answer was crystal clear.

The answer was yes.

Sure Remus trusted Nymphadora but she is young and does not know what it is like to actually love someone and have a mature relationship.

'I'm looking to settle down and live a quiet life while she is wild and free and could never be tied down.' Remus thought.

'Are you really so different?' The back of his brain questioned. 'You say you want to settle down but we both know you want to travel the world and become the hero of your own story. You just don't do that stuff because you're playing it safe. So are you really so unlike her in that aspect?'

'Perhaps not… but even so, there are still things she has yet to discover and emotions to uncover. She may love me now but I would be doing her a disservice by indulging her fantasies now. She'll only regret it later and feel guilty if she wanted to leave. And when she does my heart will break.'

'But let us say, for our sake, she doesn't regret it, and then you live happily ever after!'

Remus shook his head, 'No. No. No. We will not live happily ever after. By going forward with our relationship I will be subjecting her to the pain of prejudice. Everyone will shun her for loving a werewolf, job opportunities will be lost. How can I protect her from a world of prejudice?'

'No one said you had to protect those you loved and no one said it would be easy.'

'But should love be such a battle?'

'Love is worth fighting for and if both you and Nymphadora are willing to fight together it will only make you stronger and more invincible within each other.'

Remus cursed his conscience for being so right. If he and Nymphadora could beat the odds and love one another they could do and survive anything. Love is the most powerful magic in the world and it is worth fighting for.

However if he were to storm into Tonks' place of work unannounced up rumors would stir and people would place Tonks in a category she may not be up for.

After another moment of silence Remus began his walk back to Grimmauld Place so he could owl Tonks at work to invite her for tea when her shift ended.

It would be over that cup of tea that the fate of their love would be determined.

A/N: So sorry it took so long I had a lot of health issues these past few weeks. I meant to have this up a long time ago but you know how life gets in the way. I had 4 family members in the hospital at once also so it's been a rollercoaster and I'm sorry it took so long. Please forgive me and those of you who pray please pray for the doctors to figure out what's wrong with me and for my family to heal. Thanks xxx


	16. Double Life

"Phew!" Tonks exclaimed as she blew her short purple bangs out of her eyes.

She had been staring at the same text for the past hour and a half. It was a report on a mysterious murder case right outside London, in a city called Harrow (real city, used in honor of mangotango101 and her story a Harrowing Report). It was 2:30 and Tonks felt like she had achieved nothing all day. She despised that feeling.

"You know what, Maura?" Tonks exclaimed to her co-worker on the other side of her cubical, "I cannot for the life of me figure out why this guy was killed. Nor can I figure out who he even is, for that matter. Why would someone just up and kill this dude? He has no background of violence, no record, and his neighbors say he was quiet and mostly kept to himself."

"Was he a muggle?"

"I don't even know that! When I got handed this assignment I was told it was a mystery, but I did not know just how mysterious it all was until now. There is no info on this guy. What am I suppose to do with this. No leads. No info. No nothing. Ugh!" Tonks leaned back in her chair with her hands placed behind her head, a sure sign of frustration.

Maura came around to Tonks' cubicle with a furrowed brow, "Maybe it has something to do with… Sirius Black." She dropped her voice when she said the name, and Tonks bit back a laugh.

Every time the name Sirius Black was mentioned the whole department would go into a frenzy. His name was not to be mentioned outside of the board rooms, he was just _that_ much of a menace. If only they knew that some of the top aurors in the department knew the exact whereabouts of this fugitive. Man they'd flip a chicken.

To keep herself from laughing, Tonks quickly bent over her report, and began scribbling on it, "I did not even think about that, Maura. You're a genius! I'll go by tomorrow and recheck the scene of the crime from that angle."

Maura walked away with a smug smile on her face. 'Poor girl.' Tonks thought, 'She is such a ditz, I couldn't help but throw her a bone.'

Maura was hired more for secretary work then the actual field work. She did not have to go through training and all that other jazz; she pretty much just got hired for her ass. Typical men.

'Thank Merlin Remus isn't like that.' Tonks thought to herself, 'Well. At least I know for a fact he's not an ass man, because I have no ass. That is assuming he likes me. Perhaps I could grow out my ass more next time I see him. Then I can analyze whether I get a positive or negative response out of him.'

Just the thought of morphing her butt gave Tonks the willies. Two years earlier, Tonks learned one fateful Halloween night that morphing her buttocks proved to be a horrible idea. Her boyfriend, at the time, was really into American rap, and he dressed up as MC Hammer for their Halloween party. So Tonks, being the bright Witch she is, took on the roll of the big butt girlfriend. BUT she went way over board, like she always does, with the size, and after a night of drinking she could not seem to muster the morphing ability to downsize.

'Oh Merlin. I thought I would never be able to get out of that one. I don't even know why the thought about morphing it again even crossed my mind.' Tonks thought as she wiggled around in her chair just to make sure her butt was still intact with its normal, modest size.

"Hey Tonks?" Maura called.

"Waaa!"

A noise escaped Tonks' lips as she slipped out of her chair and landed hard right on her butt.

"Yup still there. Unfortunately," Tonks muttered to herself, and she rubbed her tender backside.

"What'd you say dea…" Maura started to ask as she rounded the cubicle again only to find Tonks sprawled out on the floor… a familiar sight. She just rolled her eyes and proceeded, "The front desk says there is an owl at the front visitor's desk for you, and you know the deal, they won't let the owl in, you have to go claim it."

"Did they say who it was from?"

"Um… a Ramon something, I believe."

Her heart rate accelerated, "Remus?"

"Yeah that's right," Maura said as she strolled away again.

Tonks jumped up from her position on the floor, and began to fumble with the papers on her desk. She threw all the piles into one, and proceeded to shove them away in her desk, 'Man I'll have a lot of re-reorganizing to do tomorrow.'

'Oh well' She thought as she waved her wand to lock her desk, and shouted, "Hey Maura, I'm going to call it a day. I'll come in early tomorrow and go to the scene of the crime. I need to clear my head if I'm going to crack this case any time soon." With that Tonks grabbed her coat and punched out.

"Enjoy," Maura threw Tonks a smirk as she walked out.

Tonks stormed down the halls of cubicles. Thankfully she hadn't run into anyone… anyone meaning Moody.

'The old bat was suppose to have retired, but after he was locked in a chest for a year he decided he needed to drop by every once in a while and teach us all how to do our jobs. Me especially.' Tonks thought. '"If I were in charge things like that would never happen." He would say. No one wanted him here. I mean sure he was the best, but sometimes he was just… just… too much of the best, if that makes sense. If he found her leaving early he would surely tear the mickey out of her. 'I suppose he is useful to have around though.' Tonks thought back on the times Moody had specifically helped her out, he was her mentor and she owed him a lot. Plus he was good for a laugh with his crazy ways.

Tonks impatiently waited for the lift that would take her up to the front desk, to her letter from Remus. She found herself gnawing at her lip; she always did that when she was nervous. Soon, if she wasn't careful, her hair would follow suit, it tended to change colors rapidly when she got too anxious (blue, purple, green, pink, brown, yellow, black, etc), and today she was the epitome of anxious.

She had not gotten an ounce of sleep last night. And all day Tonks had not allowed herself to think about Remus, but that didn't mean she could help herself. She had been worried about him all day and the stress of her case made her on edge. But now that she was free to think as she wished, Tonks leaned against the wall and freed her mind. Her thoughts swirled with all the possibility that could be contained in that letter the owl was holding for her. Remus' face glowed in her mind and a warm sensation filled her body.

The lift finally came and Tonks hurried on.

Her thoughts began swirling again; she had worn herself out with worry as she waited to hear word from either Remus or Sirius. Now that she had word she was high on relief, but that bubble burst really fast as she began to think back as the lift continued to clank along its stops.

Tonks had left Remus in a bad state. She wanted nothing more than to sit with him until he woke up and talk through the other night. Something went terribly wrong during the transformation. All Moony had done was scratch at the floorboards and whine. The whole thing was heart breaking.

The lift jerked to a halt and the familiar female voice broke through Tonks' thought, and said from above, "Level eight: The Atrium."

"Finally." Tonks said rushing out of the confined box.

With that she took off down the dark wooden floor, passing the golden Fountain of Magical Brethren in a rush and marched right up to the security stand beside the golden gates.

"Name Please," Said the bored voice of the security guard behind a copy of the Daily Prophet.

"Tonks. I was told I have an owl waiting me."

"I do not have an owl for a Tonks, you must have been mistaken. Good day." He said dismissively.

"Wait," Tonks replied on edge, "Is there an owl for… for… Nymphadora?"

"Why yes there is." He gave a short piercing whistle and a tawny owl came forth and stuck out its leg for Tonks. She hastily grabbed the letter and held it to her chest, "I would appreciate it if you told your male friend to find other means of contacting you at the office. I'm not paid to babysit owls." The man said and, being the snob he was, went back to his paper, "Good day, Nymphadora."

Tonks walked away, shoulders tense, 'What a cheeky berk!' Tonks fumed to herself, 'And the idiot had the nerve to call me by my first name!' She balled up her fist and was reminded of the letter that was now in her possession, 'Oh right. Now what?'

Tonks looked at the letter and then at her surroundings. All around her there were witches and wizards, goblins, and that weird looking guy from the Department of International Magical Cooperation who had tried to dance with her at the last Ministry Christmas Party. They were all popping out of the fireplaces and intermingling with each other talking about their department's latest affairs. Tonks looked for somewhere to sit down when she noticed that creepy guy was looking her way.

'Ugh.' Tonks shuddered, 'I'll just go outside then.'

With that Tonks took the nearest fireplace to the Leaky Cauldron, "Just passing through, Tom." Tonks stated as she walked out the door that led to the streets of muggle London.

Once outside Tonks found a bench that was unoccupied a half a block from the Leaky Cauldron, sat down, and finally opened her letter.

(I was going to leave off here but I figured I'd get hexed for all eternity. So continue and enjoy … =])

_Dear Nymphadora,_

_ First off, I would like to apologize for the owl. I would have shown up at your office, but for some pretty hairy reasons I find myself not very welcome at the Ministry. I also wish to apologize for my behavior last night. I truly and deeply thank you for your care, kindness and patience with my condition. But I suppose this is not the right way to speak of such things which is what brought this letter into existence. I'd be honored if you would join me for tea once you get off work so we could talk. _

_ Let me know when and I'll meet you at Patisserie Valerie on Holland Park Avenue._

_Yours,_

_Remus_

Tonks ran her fingers over Remus' fluid handwriting and smiled to herself, 'He had thought about everything. I bet he was agonizing over this letter for hours before he even sent it. Well I better not keep him waiting.'

Tonks set off back towards the Leaky Cauldron, but instead of going inside she veered off to the left and went down a dark alley way to make sure no muggles saw her. Her wand arm rose and out popped a cheetah (unsure what Tonks' true Patronus is, I thought chameleon would have been good but I feel like her Patronus should be more powerful than that, what do you think?) which stood at attention.

"Go tell Remus J Lupin to meet me in 10 minutes at the place discussed."

The cheetah leaned forward, moved its shoulders a bit, tensed, and then leaped off down the alley at a remarkable speed.

Tonks watched as her happy memory bounced away. She was known for her ability to muster a Patronus at any given time in any given situation. This is one of the reasons why she was so highly qualified as not only an auror, but as an order member. It was one of her qualities that Dumbledore loved. "You have a substantial amount of love and happiness, and it is these qualities that will make you great." He had told her this during her last year at Hogwarts.

The particular memory that was bounding off was the memory of the time she first met and fell into the arms of Remus Lupin. It seemed so long ago. Hopefully this talk would end up being Patronus material.

With that happy thought Tonks strolled out of the alley way and down the street to the café where Remus would appear at any minute now. Once again Tonks found herself happily seated on a bench.

She was sitting in front of the restaurant when she heard a voice ask, "Care if I join you?"

Her heart skipped a beat and she looked up into the smiling face of Remus, "You better have come to join me," Was her retort, "How many other purple haired women have you been asking out to tea?"

Remus smiled even bigger. He held out his hand to her to help her up, "Shall we get a table?"

Tonks nodded and grasped his hand.

Remus led them to a table in the corner of the shop. He pulled out a chair for Tonks and then sat across from her. He was being very formal. Tonks thought as she looked him over. He looked more haggard than normal, but there was a determination in the back of his gaze that Tonks had never witnessed before. Was he trying that desperately to hide his pain or was it something else?

"Well." He started awkwardly, "Thanks for coming."

Tonks smiled, "I thought I'd never get the letter. The security wizard was particularly tricky. Stupid Git."

"He was that bad?"

"Yes, but the stupid git part was directed at you." She looked at him pointedly, "Addressing the letter in such a way. You just love to torment me, don't you?"

"I do indeed," He said as he looked at her with a mysterious twinkle in his eye.

"Can I get you two, anything?" A voice interrupted.

"One black coffee and…" Remus inclined his head to Tonks.

"I'll just have tea, please," Tonks said.

The waitress wrote it down and walked away with a friendly smile.

"I did not know you drank coffee, let alone black coffee," She said.

"I don't. I'm just extremely tired." He replied, "You see I have a secret." Remus glanced around the café suspiciously. "One that required me to lead a double life," He whispered. "During certain nights, such as last night, I am forced to lock my well mannered and kind persona away and become a monster."

"But Remus you're n…"

Remus cut her off harshly, "Hush. As I was saying, this double life causes me to become vicious and harmful. It keeps me not only from sleep but from…" He hesitated and looked her straight in the eye.

Tonks found herself caught up in his little game as she leaned in closer with curiosity and stared just as hard back, "Love."

A/N: Okay so words cannot express how sorry I am for the delay and how much gratitude runs in my heart for all you guys who have supported my story and who were praying for my family. Everyone is doing much better thankfully. It was scary there for a bit and then I went away to college so it's been very very hectic. My grandfather has had several surgeries AND another heart attack since the last update. I had half of this written for like 3 months but I just could never find time to start back up, but it is finally here and I'd love to hear what you all think. I got some reviews wanting more Tonks and I hope this one satisfies that craving, I don't think I write Tonks as well as I do Remus but we'll see. Once again thank you and I am again very sorry for the delay.

I know you hate me for the ending but I left it on a cliffhanger to force myself to keep writing. I don't want to keep you guys waiting again so I'll just post this and keep on writing the scene. Plus the chapter was getting kind of long and I could literally get lost in Remus and Tonks' conversation and write like another 1,000 words.

Please review and try not to hate me too much for the delay again I am super sorry.


	17. Weeping Willows

"I tend to deny myself, the well mannered and kind self, the Remus you see before you, happiness to protect the ones I love and for that I've won the battle many a times. But this time I find my vicious and mischievous side has won the battle…"

Tonks' jaw did not necessarily drop but it did feel abnormally OUT OF CONTROL. She was not excepting such a profound sentiment. She was anticipating much anger, sputtering, and groveling about how she did not need to care for him on full moons, to forgive him of his behavior, and that she shouldn't lose sleep over him and put herself in harm's way all night long. She expected that, but not this… this humility and love. What was she suppose to say?!

The silence went on for ages. Tonks just sat there wide eyed and lacked jaw while Remus' smile deteriorated from his face inch by inch began.

_Great I've screwed it up. _Remus growled to himself, _I should have never listened to Sirius or myself. I've just ruined the best thing I have going for me. I have to make it right… explain… something! _Remus thought desperately.

"Man, I don't know what to say! It was all so much easier when I thought I loved you, now that I know 100% that not only do I love you, but I can't live without you, I can't keep still or think straight let alone know what I'm doing or saying." Remus smile was completely gone at this point and he stared desperately back at Tonks waiting for a response, "I'm completely undone and vulnerable at this point. Please say something, Tonks! We can forget everything I just said, we'll go back to the way things were, I thought you wanted me to say it… Please. We'll be okay… Right? Please just forget it."

"NO!" Tonks exclaimed.

"No." Remus confirmed flatly.

_She doesn't want to forget and she doesn't want to return my feelings. It's over. Without her, I'll d… _Remus shook his head, _None of that. You can handle rejection just stand up and bow out gracefully._

Remus reached for his coat that was draped across the chair in-between him and Tonks.

"You've done it again, Remus." She said softly and she laid a hand over his, which prohibited him from retrieving his jacket.

Remus stilled after he cocked his head to the side in confusion at her statement.

"Will you not say something like that and then run off, please? Give me a minute. You've left me speechless you stupid gut." She said with laughter in her voice.

_What the hell is she going on about? _ Remus thought as he chuckled hesitantly along with her, "Ha. Ha. Ha. Um…"

"You just made my wildest dreams come true. I'm trying to absorb this moment and you're acting like a blubbering idiot."

"Wildest dre… What?!" Remus was so confused.

_Never been rejected like this before._

"Let's get out of here," Tonks declared.

She hastily threw money down on that table and grabbed the stunned (or rather stunning hehe) man along with her purse.

"But I'm too old, too poor and I'm a w… I lead a double life." Remus mumbled.

"Oh shush up!" Tonks said.

She linked arms with a still dazed Remus and rushed them out of the restaurant like they were on fire.

They stepped outside into the sunlight, "Ow, Tonks, my eyes and my arms, where are we going?"

Tonks squinted against the sun light looking through the crowded streets trying to figure out where they could go and talk, "Follow me."

Again they were off in a hurry, down a dark all way in between a bakery and an electronic store.

"Hang on, Mr. Lupin." with that they apparated together.

"Where are we?" He questioned after the nauseating sensation of side-along apparation had passed, "Or am I still being shushed?"

"Okay mister, well mannered and behaved professor. You told me yourself I got you so hot and bothered you can't think straight," Tonks teased as she continued with air quotes, "And I quote, **"**I can't keep still or think straight let alone know what I'm doing or saying" I was just doing some of the thinking for you and here we are." She said with her arms thrown out, "The park 5 blocks away from Grimmauld Place."

"I didn't mean… You don't have me all…" Remus was flustered, s_he taking this all as a joke, _"Grimmauld Place?" He questioned.

"Yes, I come here sometimes after I fix you up after the full moon before I go to work. It is quiet a peaceful place, if I do say so myself."

She gestured to a bench. They both sat down and Remus said in a hushed tone, "Indeed."

The bench was situated under a rather old looking plane tree. The park really was both beautiful and peaceful. It was secluded and small. The pond was like glass and portrayed a beautiful portrait of the surrounding landscape filled with swans, weeping willows, and clear blue sky.

They were the only ones there but Tonks put a Disillusionment charm and a Silencing charm around them none the less so they were free to speak of magic and perform it if necessary without needing to be careful of muggles.

Remus leaned back against the bench casually, with his legs spread out in front of him; his arms hung over the back of the bench, and his head inclined upwards as if in reverence.

_He is so beautiful and he doesn't even know it!_ Tonks thought exasperated.

She crossed her leg and leaned forward with her chin in her hand. While her other hand, that held her wand, began to make fluid movements over her knee. After a few more movements a cheetah popped out and ran around the bench. Tonks smiled and produced another one that curled up at her feet. Remus peered at her through his peripheral with curiosity. Soon she had a few more conjured. They were everywhere! Some had run off, but some had hung around their mistress. One perched itself in the tree above them, swatting flies with her tail as they came, and the other one that was trying to get Remus to play with her.

"You are so talented," Remus stated completely oblivious to the cheetah's taunts.

"How so?" She questioned as she picked up a nearby stick and threw it to the cheetah that was begging Remus to play with her.

"You can produce a Patronus with hardly any effort. You basically did it as an afterthought just then. Remarkable." He said, "And they are truly beautiful, creatures. What inspires you?" Remus asked and then thought of the memories that probably make her happy. Long walks on the beach with a lover, her first kiss, the first time a man ran his…, "You know what you don't need to tell me. It was kind of a personal question. Sorry," Remus finished fluttered.

Tonks looked at how funny Remus appeared at that moment. He was red in the face and his once relaxed position looked quiet odd with tense muscles. Then Tonks decided to place her head on his shoulder.

"I don't have anything to hide from you, Remus." She whispered, "But I can't promise you'll like the answer."

_I knew it!_ Remus thought exasperatedly.

"For the past few months I've been thinking about the time we first met and you helped me up from the floor after I ruined dinner for everyone. Other times I just picture your face after our first full moon together, you were so overjoyed to be up and running after the transformation you looked as ecstatic as a dog with two tails. Or werewolf should I say." She laughed and then bit her lip. _Dare I continue?_ She questioned herself and then took the chance, "Then I picture our date with the dancing and followed by… the kissing." Her voice dropped to a low whisper at the last words and she began to move her hand up and down his chest that she just so happened to be up against.

_Oh boy, _Remus pleaded with his mind.

"You're right I don't like your answer." Remus said as he shifted away from Tonks and her teasing touch.

Tonks looked hurt, but she obliged and respectfully shifted a little down the bench. Remus felt a pang of guilt. It's not that he didn't enjoy it; it was that he was enjoying it too much! He needed a distraction. Remus continued his poised pose, eagle spread on the bench with his head towards the sky and eyes closed.

_Deep Breaths.1. 2. 3. _Remus calmed his mind and his lower region by counting to ten and decided to steer the conversation to a less physical topic.

"Do the Dementors even affect you?" He questioned a bit too harshly in his haste to change the subject.

Tonks wrapped her arms around her body, "They don't necessarily make me relive my worst memories, more like my nightmares and what I know will be my future…" She paused and took a deep breath, "I see my parents huddled over my dead body as my dear Auntie Bellatrix twirls her wand in her finger as she advances on them," Tonks laughed bitterly, "I became an auror to hunt down as many of my relatives as possible and keep my family safe, and yet, in the end, I still won't be able to save them."

"I do not see that being your fate. You are loved too much by many people, and those people will make sure you're safe and alive so you can continue to protect your family."

"Will you promise me something Remus?" Tonks asked as she sniffed her nose. Remus gave a nod, "If I do die, will you promise to protect my family?"

"Nymphadora, you won't--"

"Promise!" She said firmly

"I give you my word." He said seriously.

They sat in silence for a few moments, the sky was turning a bright orange; the sun was setting.

"What about you?"

"Huh" Remus questioned.

"What do you relive when you see the Dementors?" Tonks questioned curiously.

"Not to sound glum, but I have done too many things and witnessed too many horrors to tell in one session. We can save that for another sunset. Let's just say I try to conjure a Patronus before the seeping cold gets into my head." Remus smiled as he ruffled Tonks' purple hair.

Tonks grumbled at him. They sat side by side, leaning their heads against the back of the bench, watching as the setting sun painted them a Paso in the sky. It was an unusual clear day out in England and all Tonks and Remus could do was soak it up as much as they could.

Fifteen minutes passed and the sun set leaving them under a purple twilight sky.

Tonks was unsure how this whole kidnap Remus and share their feelings thing was working. Remus had his eyes closed and they were almost a foot apart and there was still stuff unsaid, but somehow it was peaceful at the same time. Almost serene. Remus was so desperate to tell her how he felt back at the café and now it appeared that he was avoiding the whole subject entirely. He thought she was telling him no back at the café and Tonks was guessing that taking him here before they talked was a bad idea. She had given him too much time to think over his decision to bring out his feelings and now he was shutting her out, hiding in himself again.

"You know when you told me your favorite book was Peter Pan?" Remus said with his eyes still closed.

"Yea. I remember," Tonks said a little startled.

"It was mine favorite book as well, my mother use to tell me the story at least once a week."

"It was your favorite?" Tonks questioned, she perked up with curiosity.

"_Was. _Up until I learned Peter Pan was wrong. You can't stay a child forever." Remus said firmly to the clouds above him.

"When did you come to that conclusion?" Tonks whispered knowing full well when and why he came to that conclusion. She needed him to talk her through everything though, no touching on subjects, they were going to get to the nitty-gritty.

"Very young."

"Too young, in my opinion."

"A few weeks before my attack it was just my mom and I, my dad was away on business, turns out that's when he pissed someone off that knew Greyback. Anyways she took me to the statue of Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens and told me the story right there, where Peter had run away. I think that was the last time I heard the story of the boy who never grew up." He still had his head back and was looking up at the sky. He just could not bring himself to look into Tonks' eyes.

"Why was it the last time?"

"I grew up once I recovered from my bite. I did not need my mother babying me. What was done was done. I didn't need her to tuck me into bed with her stories of hope and youthfulness and everlasting beauty. I had… have none of that and I did not need the reminder. I couldn't run away from my problems like Peter could. Her and my father hovered over me like I was going to die at any moment. They had enough to worry about so I learned to care for myself and hide my pain from them so they would stop worrying."

"And that mentality as carried on in all your relationships from then on?"

Remus nodded slightly. He knew all this needed to be said but that didn't make it any easier.

"You're never too old to be young again, Remus. No one, not just you, deserves to be uncared for. You didn't need to push your parents away then and you don't need to push me away now." Tonks sat up and pulled Remus' hands in hers and rubbed them gently, "I'm not going anywhere, I'm going to stick with you every step of the way. You deserve so much more then what you've been given. I agree, you can't run away from your problems, but you can face them with other people by your side. You deserve to have hope and youthfulness and beauty. You deserve to be taken care of for once."

Remus snorted in protest, "Yeah, the big bad wolf is really a victimized piglet."

"Damnit, Remus John Lupin! Look at me!" She demanded in a low threatening voice.

About 30 seconds passed and Remus finally moved from his laid back position against the bench. It look him another few seconds before he pulled his shoulder back, sat up straight and stared back at Tonks. She desperately searched his eyes and found nothing but tears in them.

This sight took Tonks' breath away and it took her everything she had in her not to jump into his lap and cradle him in her arms.

"You practically tell me you love me and when I tell you I think about you when I conjure a Patronus you brush it off and you stare into space. Do you love me or not? You can't keep hiding and changing your mind! So what is it Remus?"

A/N: Okay so I find myself again groveling at your knees asking for forgiveness fir my lack of updating. I've had half this chapter written for a while now but then school got in the way. I go to a University and this new semester really bit me in the ass but I'm back on track now. So when I was supposed to be writing two papers but I wrote the rest of this instead. I wrote more dialogue then normal which I know you were all looking forward to, I hope you enjoy and I hope it was worth it. I'm sorry again; I can't ask you to review this I left you in a horrible cliffhanger last chapter in hopes it would spur me on to continue writing, but you know life. I really appreciate all your support, it does me a lot.

I have a favor, another reason why I've been slow is because I've been trying to find a beta, I believe I've asked 10 people so far and they've all blown me off completely. It bothers me that I have you guys read this crap unedited story so if anyone would like to beta my story it would be greatly appreciated by me and my readers! I re read my story in order to write this chapter and it's bad, it was so hard to not just abandon this chapter and rewrite the story entirely. Maybe in a few chapters I'll get around to doing that.

Thanks everyone!

Chapter 18 is almost done, I know I've said it before, but I really plan on having it up in a day or two! I promise!


	18. Bliss

"This isn't easy for me you know?!" Remus burst, running both his hands threw his hair like a madman. "You don't know what it is like. You don't know how hard it is to keep the monster at bay. You don't know how hard it is to keep my feelings hidden!"

Tonks was shocked at this reaction; she did not think that Remus would yell at her! Remus was standing now and pacing as Tonks stood shell shocked as he poured it all out.

"Keeping this monster at bay is the only way I know how to show people I love them, and I love you so much it hurts to keep it all inside. I'm bursting at the seams here! You make me lose control in every way and I can't handle that! I lost control today back at the coffee shop when I told you those things, and now I don't know how to get it back. I need to be in control, I need to make sure I can keep you and Sirius and the rest of the Order from harm. How can I do that when I'm not in control? If I tell you I want you, I need you, I love you then I lose everything."

"How do you lose everything?" Tonks pressed him.

"I lose you."

"Remus, you don't lose me, you could never lose me. I will be right by your side whether we're together romantically or not. I won't allow you to lose me simply because I can't exist without you."

"You don't understand…"

"Stop saying I don't understand. I'm not a child, Remus. You're my best friend and I love you." She paused for emphasis. "Did you hear me Remus? I. Love. You." She shouted at him.

"I lose you because the moment I become attached you will leave me. Be it death, another love interest, or just a realization you made a mistake. I've already become attached I can't handle adding love to it."

"Why did you tell me to begin with then, Remus? Why did you write me to meet you for tea? You brought love in to this, not I, not that I didn't try… I can't promise I won't die, but I know for a fact I will not love another man like I love you. I can guarantee that to you. And I will not think I made a mistake. Is that what you think you are, Remus? A mistake? Because if you do then you should be ashamed of yourself. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm sure a lot of other people. You think it's a mistake you're still alive and your friends aren't? You have a purpose, Remus. You may not see it now but one day you will. You've changed Harry's life, you've tremendously contributed to the order, you've kept Sirius sane, you're working for werewolf rights, and you've stolen my heart."

Remus eyes fleeted away from Tonks, his eyes watering again. Tonks rushed over to him and cradled his face in her hands. "How can you say being with you is a mistake when it feels so right? Remus, please, for once let someone love you. Let someone care for you."

"Why are you doing this?" Remus inquired in an undertone.

"You need saving and I shall be your Savior." Tonks smirked at him.

"I do love you." Remus said as he cupped her face in return.

Her skin was so soft in his calloused hands, and even though Tonks was anything but fragile, Remus felt as if he wasn't careful with his large hands they may break her neck. He felt like such a pansy, here he was being the vulnerable one who was tearing up and not the women. Tonks had her eyes closed as nuzzled into Remus' hands.

"I am too old for you," Remus whispered.

"Love does not acknowledge age, nor does it care about it," Tonks whispered back as she brought her face closer to his.

"I am too poor for you," Remus tried again.

"Love cannot be bought or sold therefore love does not care," she retorted.

She brought Remus' face closer to hers this time, his defenses were crumbling before both of them. It was becoming harder and harder to resist the temptation Remus so craved. The love and care he had denied himself at a very young age.

"I am too dangerous," Remus breathed against her face.

She looked into his eyes fiercely. "Love is dangerous, Remus," Tonks murmured. Remus' eyes changed at these words, and Tonks saw the love and the willingness to try within them and she knew she had won. Tonks smiled at him and said, "You will be the one in danger if you don't kiss me this very instant, Remus Jo--!"

She was silenced by Remus' sweet kiss. It was so delectable, both the kiss and the triumph, that Tonks found herself smirking into his lips. Remus growled and deepened the kiss which caused Tonks to throw her arms in abandonment over his shoulders.

_I think it's a win-win situation. _Tonks thought to herself right before she surrendered completely to feeling.

It was complete and utter bliss to be in the arms of Remus. Heck, it was complete and utter bliss to have the tension gone and everything out in the open. All of this emotion had been bottled up and was weighing both of them down and now that the flood gates were opened they felt as if they were floating on air. They clung to one another locked in a lip lock for another minute or so completely oblivious to the cold night surroundings.

A cool breeze blew through their barrier and they pulled away from their kiss. Remus donned a slight pink tint to his cheeks, and Tonks was smiling like it was Christmas.

"I knew you'd surrender to me," Tonks whispered as she held him close.

"You have an annoying way with words, and a persistency that is irresistible, I must confess, Ms. Tonks," Remus said as he ran his thumb down her cheek. "You're so beautiful." His grey eyes shone with wonder. "I would have never guessed you would return my feelings. I have no idea what I did to deserve you."

"I believe the issue we should be pondering is not what you did to deserve me, but what I did to deserve you. I was dropping all those hints, I asked you on a date, heck, we shared an amazing kiss together, and I got nothing back from you. I was beginning to lose hope. I pictured myself growing into an old lonely maid who was still pining after you."

Remus pulled her close again and kissed the top of her head. "I just couldn't believe it."

"That's your problem, you think you deserve nothing, but in reality you deserve everything and anything, and I'm here to give it to you." She sauntered back over to the bench, sat down, and crossed her right leg over her left and smiled. "So what will it be, Mr. Lupin? What can I give you?"

"Are you trying to get me to jump you, Nymphadora?" Remus asked with an exasperated look.

_Merlin._ _She'll be the death of me. _

"Whatever are you talking about?" Tonks questioned innocently.

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. You are trying to entice me and as much as I'd like to pin you to this delectable bench and have my way with you under the stars I do believe there are other matters at hand."

"And those matters are?" Tonks asked, intrigued.

"We only have a few more blissful minutes of Sirius not knowing about us. If we don't return soon, he'll start to get anxious so we must use this time wisely."

_Yup. Definitely a teacher... Or is he trying to role play with me?_

"Okayyy," Tonks said, still waiting for the punch line.

"Well we should talk about what we are telling people, if we are telling people, who we're telling, how we'll break it to Sirius, and how we should put the Order first and not our relationship."

"Oh. True, true," Tonks said, a little put off.

_He's a critical thinker and you know this, you shouldn't get disappointed, _Tonks scolded herself.

"Or we could snog each other senseless and deal with the rest as it comes," Remus replied with a true marauders smirk.

"Smart suggestion!" Tonks exclaimed as she launched herself into Remus' arms.

Remus was just a little bit taller than Tonks so she had to reach for him on her tiptoes. Their lips connected and sparks flew. Tonks had kissed many men before, and it maybe cliché, but none had ever kissed her like this. Remus was experienced, but was soft, tentative and slow. It was as if he was savoring every moment… and that's what shook Tonks to her core. She realized that no matter how perfect the moment was Remus did not expect it to last.

Tonks pulled away and held Remus' face in her hands, she looked him fiercely in those pools of grey and said, "I love you, Remus. I love you so much."

Forcefully she pressed her lips to his and slipped her tongue into his month. She needed this to last. She needed Remus to know she loved him. To see it, to hear it, and to feel it.

Her body molded into his as she pressed into him. Her tippy toes gave way as she tried to get closer to his face and she nearly lost her balance, but Remus' firm grasp was on her hips in an instant. He steadied her and began to rub her back in slow circles. As a result, the kiss was slowed, and Tonks was calmed.

After a few more moments Remus pulled away cautiously. The look in Tonks' eye made him shudder. She was staring at him with such love and determination, but behind that he could see the fear of possible heartbreak. It was a mirror image of his mind, but Remus had never imagined that he had the power to break the heart of this strong willed and independent women.

"Let's go home." Remus whispered to her as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"Okay, are you ready to tell Sirius?" Tonks asked at the front steps of Grimmauld Place.

"No." Remus stated simply and with that he kissed her lips eagerly.

He was immensely enjoying the ability to kiss his pink haired nymph whenever he pleased. _His pink haired nymph, I like that!_ Remus thought as they continued their snogging session.

Just when Tonks thought things were getting really good, Remus pulled away.

_Damn! _

"Now I'm ready." He smirked at her. "Are you?"

Tonks blushed and took a stubborn step away from him as he moved to open the door. It was funny what a difference a day made with Remus. She knew he was mischievous; he was one of the marauders for crying out loud, but Tonks had never seen it so out in the open before. He really was cruel.

"Ladies first," he mouthed to her.

They moved soundlessly through the hall and into the kitchen where they were hoping to find Sirius.

"Where have you two been?" Sirius said as soon as they walked through the kitchen door.

He was sitting at the table with Bill Weasley. He's feet were propped up on the table and his arms crossed over his chest as he surveyed the couple.

"Wotcher, Bill. Sirius." She acknowledged them was she strolled over to the table.

"Hey, Tonks!" Bill said with a knowing smile. "Remus. How's the wolf?"

"At bay," Remus said. "How are things at the bank?"

"Boring as usual. I miss the tombs, here at Gringotts I only get the occasional assist on breaking a curse, but the English never did go to extreme extents as the Egyptians did so even that isn't a break from my desk job. The only thing that makes it worth it is Fleur Delacour, she a bird who's interning from France or something. I think I'm going to ask her out," Bill said.

"Good for you, Bill!" Tonks smiled. "So Sirius, speaking of asking people out," Tonks' excitement was bursting at the seams, "Guess who asked me out?"

Remus looked away hurriedly as Sirius stared fixated on him. Bill shifted in his seat obviously fighting the urge to escape the awkwardness and stay for the intriguing finish.

"I can't believe you." Sirius growled and Tonks inhaled her breath angrily ready to step in when he continued, "You actually listened to me? Listened to your heart? This is like what, the first time ever!" Sirius was smiling now. "You've been gone this long and you're just NOW telling me you guys are all the new hot couple? I've been here all day waiting to see if you all would come walking in blissful or upset! Seems to me Tonksie here is pretty blissful. You must have taken good care of her, Moony."

Tonks was glowing at the whole exchange; she really was in a state of bliss. What more could she ask for? Remus was hers, and her cousin, Sirius was happy about it. Life was perfect.

a/n: Thanks a lot to Dozey212 who is a faithful reviewer and who is helping edit my story, you're awesome

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, J.K. does

Also, I really didn't like this chapter and I want to re-write it, but I promised you all a story last weekend so I'm going to post it and see what you think.

Have a great day!

=)


	19. Good Morning

The sunlight seeped in through the blinds shooting UVrays right into Remus' sleeping eye lids.

"Uhhh," He mumbled.

Prior to the god awful light he was having such a wonderful dream. He had let Tonks know his feelings for her, but that was not it. The part that made it a dream was that she reciprocated his spoken feelings!

'I always have dreams about Tonks and I, but never have they seemed so elaborate and… real. Most were of me confessing my love and her swooning and falling into my kiss like a damsel in distress. But as we all know I would never confess them so willingly and Tonks would never swoon as such which is why this dream felt almost... rea…'

"GOOD MORNIG LOVERBOY." Sirius cried out from beyond the door in a sing song like voice.

"Shawhat's up?" Remus grudgingly mumbled half asleep.

"Molly has just made breakfast and your lovely Tonksiepoo will be here shortly. Don't want morning breath or bed hair." Sirius said as he ruffled the top of my head as Remus was yawning so he would be too distracted to shove him away.

"Sneaky bastard." Remus muttered groggily still stupidly groping around to get his bearings straight, "What sho say?"

"Your girlfriend"

"Girlfriend?!" Remus exclaimed automatically being jolted to life at that word. It wasn't often that the word girlfriend coincided with conversation directed at him.

"Yes, now don't interrupt that's rude. As I was saying, your girlfriend is going to be downstairs waiting on your sleepy ass so before you kiss her good morning you might want to get rid of that god awful morning breath." Sirius waved his hand in front of his nose, "Gah! It smells like a pond full of geese crap."

"That's rich coming from a guy who in forth year created a spell to make the Slytherins' breath smell and instead had the spell rebound on him making his roommates suffer from his foul odor for two whole weeks."

"How dare you bring that up! I pull one prank that goes awry and hear about it eons later!"

"I'd say you've mucked up a right better amount then just that one prank, Miser Padfoot!"

"Is that a challenge, Moony?" Sirius raised his eyebrow like he did whenever he had a mischievous thought.

"Sirius. Don't." Remus started.

Too late.

"CHARGE!" Sirius yelled.

Remus was knocked off the bed by Sirius barreling down on him and flipping the whole mattress over.

Remus grabbed his pillow and started beating his best friend with it as if he were a rug. In response Sirius morphed into dog form and tackled Remus to the ground once again.

Before Remus could make his next move Mrs. Black's screaming broke through the fight and Remus and Sirius stopped their tussle at once. They froze as the announcement of their new arrival was made.

"Freak of nature, werewolf's whore, tainted Black blood!"

Sirius immediately transformed back, ran his finger through his hair and said, "Show time." He smirked as he left Remus' room to rush and get the door.

Remus sat there on the ground a few moments longer until he caught his reflection in the mirror. His hair was sticking up in all directions in a manner that could've rival James' "Bloody hell" he muttered as he threw the sheets off himself and headed to the bathroom.

Tonks knock on the door to Grimmald Place. It has been less than 24 hours since she and Remus got cozy under tree on an unsuspecting park bench. It had taken quite a few months of taking the ice chip to Remus' cold shoulder when it came to their feelings, but after yesterday in the park Tonks knew it had been more than worth it.

She couldn't wait to see him!

As she waited for the door to be opened she played out two scenarios in her head. Either she was gonna snog Remus senseless without a spoken word and in front of everyone or she was going to play the shy timid school girl and wave at him from across the room. She was hoping for a reaction on the middle ground of these two.

You see, neither reaction would be something Tonks would do in a normal situation, but this isn't a normal situation. Remus isn't a normal man, and this has nothing to do with him being a werewolf, but everything to do with him being her soul mate. When she is around him he brings out so many deep seeded desires and emotions in her. It was an addicting rush. She couldn't control herself when he was present. She wished to forever be able to run her hands all over Remus wherever and whenever she pleased.

"Helloooo" A voice purred.

Tonks looked up from her daydreaming to see none other than her cousin leaning against door jam in a lackadaisical manner.

She cleared her throat, "Wotcher!" She awkwardly stood there as Sirius continued to mess with her, eyeing her up and down.

"You have been up to no good!" He exclaimed, "I see that infamous Black family lust behind those eyes and I for one can't even imagine the dirty things running through that mind of yours."

"Oh please, Mr. Innocent. You invented the infamous family Black lusty look. Your Hogwarts' exploits far exceeded your time there dear cousin. Even the ghosts told tales of the compromising positions they found you in. So thanks for leaving that legacy behind, it was just what your own flesh and blood wanted to hear about for 7 years."

"Well this conversation has gotten quite uncomfortable. Touché."

"Sirius, quit stalling and let the girl in. Breakfast is served." Molly Weasley called out.

Sirius bowed her in and stunned his mother's portrait at the same time, preventing yet another outburst. Tonks did not need to hear Mrs. Black's added insults about a werewolf's whore.

"Good morning dearie," said Mrs. Weasley as she wrapped Tonks in a quick embrace and whispered so only Tonks could hear, "I am so happy to hear the news." She winked and walked away flailing her arms at everyone present, "Sit. Sit."

Dung and Bill were in the corner of the kitchen talking about gold and treasures again, one could be sure. Mrs. Weasley hated Dung and hated the fact that her children fraternized with him. "SIT DOWN!" She yelled more loudly to which Dung and Bill stopped speaking and sprang up to sit down to the left of Tonks, leaving the right seat open for…

"Good morning, everyone."

Here we go with the unlike Tonks reactions. Her heart skipped a beat, her palms got sweaty, and her breathing quickened. 'Aren't I a little too old to be reacting like this?! Pull yourself together! You are a respectable woman, not a silly school girl.' She scolded herself.

"Hey." She turned around breathlessly and smiled up at him. 'Smooth… Ugh!'

Remus had walked into the room and made a beeline for her chair. He put his arms around the back of her chair and kissed her on the cheek. It wasn't much nor was it inappropriate, but they both blushed under the scrutiny of all the observers.

Privacy was the downfall of living at headquarters, sure the close proximity was nice and being surrounded by people you loved constantly was desirable, but it was no place for a budding romance. Thankfully everyone was being respectful, for now.

Remus sat down next to her and took her hand under the table and gently placed it in his. Tonks did not even have time to react because just then Dumbledore walked into the room. The chatter stopped and everyone became attentive and looked to the Professor as he surveyed the room and the Order Members occupying it. Tonks could have sworn his eyes lingered on the two of them and that he knew not only that they were holding hands, but that they were together.

"No need for tension. I only stopped by on my way to the Great Hall to check in on all of you. I can see that you all are faring well." Again it seemed as if his twinkling blue eyes landed on the two newly lovers, "We have been successful in thwarting Voldemort's attempts at information retrieval, and no one is more pleased then I, but as the holidays grow closer a threat keeps pressing on my mind. I advise that you all continue to remain alert despite the eased atmosphere that comes with this up and coming season. I can guarantee you that this will not stop Voldemort and his dark forces. It would be wise to even double our efforts in the Department of Mysteries. We must work together to keep our assets hidden, we can't let them get the information they want." His serious tone dropped and the tension in his face released, "Now that being said, if I may, Molly, I'd very much like a small bit of your rice pudding. Don't tell the house elves, but I still favor yours the best."

The chatter in the kitchen started up again and Tonks turned to Remus, "Did you sleep well?"

"Very much so, waking up was a bit rough," He paused and glanced at Sirius, "but aside from that it was wonderful. I had a very nice dream about telling a certain witch that I loved her."

"Hum, it would only be a wonderful dream, if she was a beautiful witch."

"She was lovely. Rose colored hair, ever changing eyes, and the face of an angel. In fact she almost looked just like you!" He exclaimed.

"Well, I propose that we do a reenactment and I'll play your dream girl."

"Are you free tonight at 7?" Remus asked.

"I don't know if I am, but your dream girl, will be getting off work at 6:30. Hopefully, Moody doesn't make me do extra paperwork because I skipped out early yesterday. He always singles me out every time. Pushes me to be the best, I appreciate the attention, believe me know no loves attention more than I do, I mean Pink hair come on, but still…"

She went on rambling about work completely dropping the charade when finally Remus squeezed her hand, "Hey, Tonks?"

"Yes."

"_I love you."_


End file.
